How soon after a death can you inquire about the will?

First they have to actually find the Will and then file for probate. I would wait a month out of respect for the family.

I don't know about each state but in Maryland, if you are mentioned in a will at all, you should be notified by mail. I don't know the timeline for that but I would think that you would not have to seek out the information, it should come to you.

My sympathies, and my compliments to you on your kindness to your late aunt.

The executor is responsible for tracking down the beneficiaries of a will; so in due course your cousin should get round to notifying you of any legacy due to you.

With my cynical hat on, I would sigh that the correct procedure is to swallow your own tongue with frustration while the executor dillies about doing heaven only knows what for the Rest of Time, apparently unaware that the courtesy of a little information might be appreciated by all concerned.

But doffing that hat: if you're in social contact with your cousin anyway, there's no harm or bad manners in asking what the form is. And if the estate is sizeable or complex or involved, there is a fair bit of work to be done - so you might pat him or her on the head for that, too.

I wanted to say that I appreciate your concern regarding etiquette and sensitivity. So many suddenly caring relatives show up at the funeral with their hands out - demanding their "fair share" - when there's nothing fair about it. Here in Oregon you are also notified by the court or the attorney handling probate. Of course, that depends on your cousin actually filing probate and in a timely manner. Since you say that this cousin did not have a close relationship with your aunt I wouldn't overly worry about her/his feelings. Still - it seems only right to give it a month. You can also go to the court house in the county where your aunt lived to see if probate has been started before you approache your cousin. If it were me - if you do ask your cousin, I'd keep it short and simple - "before Aunt Bea passed away she told me she left me a little something in her will - I just wanted to check".

I think the will is probated in the county the person lived in. The executor named in the will can start probate 9 or 11 days after the death, not before. If no will then probate will assign n administrator. I live in NJ and from the info I have, the executor has 60 days to notify the people mentioned in the will. Doesn't mean they get the inheritance. All debts have to be satisfied before any money is given out. Now I may be wrong, but I think once the will is probated it's public? Just because the executor is suppose to honor the will means they will. If they don't, they can be taken to court.

My hubby was his dad's POA. He began writing checks to cover funeral expenses immediately. (His name was on the checking acct for years prior). I know hubs went and got about 20 certified death certificates (everybody wanted one) and he just got down to business--no probate, no lawyers or courts involved. Just paid bills, closed down accounts, sold his rental property, emptied the house--all just like a check list. He didn't make the final disbursement until we KNEW that all the taxes were paid, the house was sold, the creditors were satisfied...so I'd say it took a year, all told to completely "honor" the will. 90% was done within 6 months.
My parents had trusts, as did my FIL, I don't know about my MIL, but I know she finally made a trust or will, as she didn't realize that NOT having one would be a huge pain for her family. Really, if you have prepared all the documents, I don't see that you ever have to deal with the legal system--UNLESS the estate is worth more than a certain amount and that would vary from state to state. In Utah, it must be over $500,000--since that's about what dad's total estate came to.
As far as "tasteful inquiry"--well, you're the best judge of that! What are the family dynamics? Do you stand to inherit? You don't stand over the grave and discuss this. Hubby had a meeting with his brother and sister while his brother was in town for the funeral. They were all in agreement on everything, so it went smoothly. If you're not the POA, or executor, keep your mouth shut and wait for somebody who has the "power" to let you know. Offer help to do whatever you can to help--but don't look like you're expecting a handout. I agree with Jo Ann, the executor "executes" the will and it will be as he/she feels is in accordance with the deceased. (You can put ANYTHING you want in your will--it does not mean it will just magically happen....the executor has a lot of say and luckily things go smoothly.)

POA stops at time of death. Your husband must have been executor or administrator. Different states, different laws I guess.

I've wondered about this as well. We also had to wait for probate because of the lack of guidance regarding trusts. An elder care attorney or social services should be able to answer or point you in the right direction.

Esjoholm,
Because of your family's history with fraud about a year ago with your Sil, checking in with the executor now would be a good idea. Except that instead of asking if the will left something for you, approach the subject carefully with the family member saying, something like: "Want to confirm with you that you have the executor role; that my guardianship role is over, and if you need any information I will be glad to help." "After that fiasco with Sil, they may try something, having a fraudulent will or something"

You can do this at anytime. Then ask if there will be a reading of the will, etc.

Do you know if the will has to be probated in the county where she lived?
That would leave the responsible executor very far away, perhaps needing help to file documents, or seeing the attorney in your state.
I am just guessing here, but have heard some executors don't understand it is their duty now.

Sorry for your recent loss Esjoholm.

Okay, what a minute--if the house was put into a trust, then you avoid probate.