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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
He may (probably) is depressed. Ask MD about medication.
Visit a day-care on your own. You could take him out for lunch and then visit a day-care. He won't agree.
You could arrange for volunteers to come in (from a church, college (nursing, geriatric, counseling Depts).
If you bring over a caregiver (thoroughly interview), introduce as a friend of yours if this might help (with his resistance.)
Get him a massage. Volunteers can do - shoulder rubs, foot / hand massages. Often touch is better than trying to talk to someone who is depressed / isolating. Depends on his receptivity (to touch).
We found that letting my Mom know that my daughter and I were the ones needing help. We were getting worn out with caring for her for five years +.
Yes, it was initially more work getting the schedules and instructions settled but now five months in we are so relieved to get some of our time back for our own families and interests.
So far we have them in for two hours each morning and evening. Eventually it may progress to full days and possibly nights, it is $$$ but so far her funds allow it.
Just go and visit him. Bring over a pizza or a pie or anything. You don't have to talk. He doesn't have to talk. Watch a game or something. Then tell him how much you respect and admire him for not wanting to be a burden on his family. Let him know that no one wants to talk about bringing in help, but it has to happen so he can stay living in his own home. That everyone including him is going to take things one day at a time. I've told more isolated, ornery, stubborn, care-resistant elders with dementia exactly this for 25 years as a homecare worker. I tell them and their families this now as a homecare owner. Speak kindly, but plainly to him about it.
If you get a homecare worker who's a good fit with him he will grow to see that person as like a member of his family. It's not easy to bring up, but it's like pulling off a band-aid. Just do it. Putting it off and thinking about it will only make that talk worse and more uncomfortable. Bring some good food with you though. I find when a person knows there's some dish they really like, it softens whatever talk needs to be had. Good luck.
I would ask him questions and see if he's given any thought to any of it:
"Dad, given what you just learned about your health, what are you thinking in terms of preparation and care? "
Asking questions, rather than trying to tell him stuff. In the end, any talk of it might freak him out and there won't be anything you can do about that.
It would be important to know if he's got an assigned PoA (you?). If not, he needs to know what this may mean for him if he doesn't ever put this in place (most likely court-assigned guardian making decisions for him rather than his chosen PoA).
I wish you success in having a productive conversation with him.
Is he isolating by personal choice? As an extreme introvert myself, I would absolutely shut ANYTHING like that down in a heartbeat, regardless of what words were spoken by whom. So, coming from that perspective, there's isn't anything anyone could say or do to get me to agree to that. Probably not the answer you were looking for, but at his age he's gained the right to have complete control over his life for as long as humanly possible. With dementia the time will obviously come when he can't make those decisions anymore, but I doubt he's there yet.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Ask MD about medication.
Visit a day-care on your own.
You could take him out for lunch and then visit a day-care.
He won't agree.
You could arrange for volunteers to come in (from a church, college (nursing, geriatric, counseling Depts).
If you bring over a caregiver (thoroughly interview), introduce as a friend of yours if this might help (with his resistance.)
Get him a massage.
Volunteers can do - shoulder rubs, foot / hand massages. Often touch is better than trying to talk to someone who is depressed / isolating. Depends on his receptivity (to touch).
Gena / Touch Matters
Yes, it was initially more work getting the schedules and instructions settled but now five months in we are so relieved to get some of our time back for our own families and interests.
So far we have them in for two hours each morning and evening. Eventually it may progress to full days and
possibly nights, it is $$$ but so far her funds allow it.
If you get a homecare worker who's a good fit with him he will grow to see that person as like a member of his family. It's not easy to bring up, but it's like pulling off a band-aid. Just do it. Putting it off and thinking about it will only make that talk worse and more uncomfortable. Bring some good food with you though. I find when a person knows there's some dish they really like, it softens whatever talk needs to be had. Good luck.
"Dad, given what you just learned about your health, what are you thinking in terms of preparation and care? "
Asking questions, rather than trying to tell him stuff. In the end, any talk of it might freak him out and there won't be anything you can do about that.
It would be important to know if he's got an assigned PoA (you?). If not, he needs to know what this may mean for him if he doesn't ever put this in place (most likely court-assigned guardian making decisions for him rather than his chosen PoA).
I wish you success in having a productive conversation with him.