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Daisy; One thing you need to be clear about: if your mother is in need of care, she's going to be spending her money on that care. Who is paying for the modification to the home? That's generally not allowable by Medicaid, as it adds value to YOUR home.

In home care is quite expensive, 25$ per hour is the general figure in most areas.

Why do you think that hoarding is not going to be a problem? You might want to do a search of "hoarding" on this site and read some of the stories.

And if mom is nasty and argumentative to you now, how does that improved when you move her into your home?

A lot of us have been down this road before; we're asking questions so that you'll go into this forewarned and forearmed.
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If your mom were to get to the point where she is looking to hire someone to help her, if she goes through a nursing agency they won't work with her if her house is hoarded. A hoarde is a health and fall risk and nursing agencies won't send caregivers to a house that's been hoarded.

If your mom tries to hire privately she will still have difficulty finding someone who will work in a hoarde.
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Daisy, I think I'd become a broken record and tell her that the doctor says she can't. "We'll see", "I'll talk to the doctor about that" and "Maybe when the weather gets better" or "I'm too busy to handle that right now, Mom" are all good responses.

I wouldn't worry if she gets angry. If she blows up at you, you leave and say "I'll come back when you're feeling better". Remove yourself from situations of verbal or physical abuse, not because it's going to teach her anything, but because you don't deserve to be abused.

And re-think moving her in with you. She's mentally ill and being in your home is NOT going to fix that.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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This simply sounds potentially disastrous. There is her age factor, her health issues, and her method of living conditions. She is far from you but at least in an environment where care can be provided. Alot of seniors think they know best but in reality they can be like children in that they cannot reason. We all have desires in life for certain outcomes but that doesn't mean they materialize. A 95 year old in a hoarder living environment is simply not good and because of her issues she may make her remaining years unpleasant if she lives with you. Whatever the outcome I hope it is best suited for all of you.
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Daisykat1 Feb 17, 2019
She is in assisted living a few miles from our house, but wants to go back to her townhouse that is 5 hours away.
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I'm so sorry you are facing this situation!!

Does anyone have financial and/or medical POA for your mom?

What is mom's financial situation; is there the chance she will need Medicaid in the future?

Have you considered that she will "hoard up" the MIL suite AND your home? Have you considered how you will handle accusations that you are taking her money, abusing her and the like?

Have you gotten any advice from a certified Eldercare attorney and/or a geriatric psychiatrist about how best to handle this situation?

I'm sorry for all the questions, but you'll get better answers if we have a clear picture of your situation.
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Daisykat1 Feb 17, 2019
Yes, I have a Durable POA for finances and medical; it needs to be updated, but since she is still angry about assisted living, we are treading lightly. She has many assets that she will deplete if she needs Medicaid. Our hope is to keep her living in the in-law suite with assistance on a daily basis. We are not too worried about hoarding if she is in the suite...I am already on an emotional roller-coaster as she is very nasty to me...it’s inevitable unless I stop seeing her or talking to her. I have met with an elder care attorney (who is wonderful).
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Did your mom go to rehab after her being treated at the hospital?

Was she in AL before these injuries?

Is she capable of coordinating a move back to her home on her own (without your assistance?)
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Daisykat1 Feb 17, 2019
My mother’s townhouse is 5 hours away from me. She fell in late November and was on the floor for two days before the neighbors realized they hadn’t seen her. She broke her hip and her wrist...after surgery we brought her to our town for rehab...she was just moved to assisted living. She also has advanced Macular Degeneration and cataracts and is a hoarder. The house is filthy and stuffed full of junk...she is unable to care for herself (although she disagrees) and says she will hire a servant to live with her. We offered to add a mother-in-law suite to our home and she was initially excited, but since moving to assisted living (while we have the renovations done), she is back to wanting to go home.
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