How should I give comfort to an older person who is dying?

Without knowing the circumstances, my general suggestion is to be present. People seem to react differently when someone is older, seriously ill, or, in your loved one's case, dying. Most tend to "scatter" because it is just to "icky" to witness.
Vist often, try to be upbeat, bring appropriate gifts or photos, buy comfoting music CDs....all these are good things....but your presence means the most
take care,
Lilli

I sat with my neighbor/friend every Wednesday for 2 months while she was dying of ovarian cancer. Her husband was the leader of a small group Bible study, so I relieved him during that time. I sat with her and we watched American Idol, played Yahtzee, read, whatever she wanted to do that day. Some days were better than others, but I am so glad I did it. We would laugh as it looked like we were dancing trying to get her on her porta potty thing. I was a fish out of water so to speak, and it was awful watching my friend get weaker and weaker, but worth every minute. I was not afraid to talk about her dying, and what plans she had made or wanted to make. I helped her with that too. When I first started sitting with her, I noticed she was in a T shirt that looked like her husbands. So I went out and bought her a bunch of colorful girlie T shirts and other feminine things. She loved them. When I asked her what she wanted to be buried in, she told me, a beautiful peignoir.
I asked her if she had a peignoir, she laughed and said no. So I started looking around for one. Finally after not having any luck at dept. stores, I put the word out at church, and got a bite. A gal that hadn't worn her pink peignoir since her honeymoon, wanted to donate it to my friend. I warned her, 'now you're NOT getting it back you know'. It was satin, feminine and beautiful, and my friend loved it. Anyway, long story still long, Lilli is right, just being there and doing whatever she wants to do is a really good thing. You won't be sorry.

Tess: If this be the case...I would call in Hospice..They are wonderful people to deal with...Not only will they give comfort to the ill person who is dying, they will give support to you and your family as well. To bring Hospice into the picture-I believe that such a request has to go thru a doctor, not sure. I used a loclal Hospice agency for my Mom-and thinking back, I do not know how I would have managed without them....their help and guidance was with me thru the difficult time.

I do hope you check into this.

Hap

BE THERE! I can't tell you enough that this is the most important part of dying. The day that my husband died, he motioned to me at home to come and sit by his side. He put my hand on his heart. He wanted me to "feel" the CHF and wanted me there. He knew he had only a short time left....days, maybe a week , maybe a few hours. That was at 10:15 a.m. and he was pronounced at 1:55 p.m. in the ER that same day.

As a hospice nurse I have learned it is not the nursing training that is most helpful, it the calm reassuring presence of having someone there that cares and is non-judgemental. These people place enough judgement and blame on themselves, most of time they feel it is their fault and that they are hruting their loved ones by it, just be there and be open to do or talk about whatever they want to. Let them lead in the decision making as long as possible. Thanks for being there and caring, it's not easy and takes a special person to do it.

I think being open and able to hear what the dying person wants is the best thing you can do. Too often we try to change the subject or "guess" how they feel. We can't know. Listen as best you can and be as open in your response as you can.
And bless you for keeping them company!

I agree with the other posts -- the best thing is your presence as often as you can. Even if the person sleeps most of your visits -- it is worth it for the comfort it brings to the dying and to you.

Be there. Let them talk. Listen to their stories. Be kind. Be cheerful. Be attentive. Read magazines together or by themselves. Make sure they see the outside, especially now in the warmer weather. If you don't have a porch, then take them outside. ( not the mall). keep music playing. Keep the food delicious and plentiful. Ask them about their thoughts. I could go on and on. I did these things before my husband passed.

My friend has stage IV colon cancer and just had a port put in to remove fluid. She is moved to the state of Washington to be with her daughter and I am in Iowa. Her husband just passed away 3 years ago with brain cancer. She has been through alot! I talk to her frequently on the phone... I don't want to say the wrong thing so I just make small talk and talk about her dog and what's been going on in town.
When she told me the cancer was back and she had 6 months to live the only thing she cared about was her 2 schnauzers. I took one and my girlfriend took the other one. That made her happy but she misses them terribly. Any advice on what I could say to comfort her. She was given 6 months to live in February 2012. The fluid is building up more and more and she is sick to her stomach and vomiting. I would love to see her again and just be there for her even for a couple of days. I don't want to intrude with her family.Any advice?

More and more Dad is forgetting names of things. Should I correct him or just realize that he called the President of the US, "Osama bin Laden" instead of "Obama" ? Or a handicapped sticker, "emergency". ?