How can I help my mom remove my 35 year old brother from her home?

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My mother is in her late fifties, with two young kids ages 9 and 10. My brother is 35 years old and has always been the black sheep of the family (due to his own bad choices in life). He's never went to college and is and has been unemployed for nearly his entire adult years. My brother has a nasty temper and violent tendencies. He's threatened to kill every one of his family members and thus burned all his bridges with us.


His on and off girlfriend convinced my mother to let him move into her home for the promise that she would stay and live there as well and that he has changed. The girlfriend lives with her parents but my brother is not allowed in his girlfriend's family home because they are afraid of him as well. My brother and his girlfriend decided to have a baby, so my mom thought he would change for the better for his newborn. It turned out that he will always be the same person, violent, disobedient, disrespectful, and does not clean after himself. My brothers girlfriend also noticed that and decided not to live at my moms house. So now my mother is stuck with my brother.


My mom, her two young children, and my 35 year old brother now live in the house. She's asked me repeatedly to call the police on my brother for domestic disturbance. He raises his hand like he's going to hit her, he yells like a madman at the most trivial things, and occasionally destroys property during his episodes. My mother fears for her life yet is too scared to lawfully kick him out for fear he would come back and hurt her. My brother refuses to find work, he refuses to seek mental help, and he also refuses to babysit or help our kid siblings with their homework. He does nothing to contribute in the household. He previously lived with my father and his wife before moving into my mother's home. My dad won't let him back into his home and he currently refuses to leave my mother's home.


We have another brother who is 28 years old and successful. He's even helped my blacksheep brother with a rental home and paid for all expenses for over a year. In return, the blacksheep brother trashes the house and left it so unsanitary that he was forced to move out.


I don't think he's a bad person, I believe he's just lazy and feels like a failure so he goes on these crazy violent rants to make him feel like a "man." He for sure doesn't want to have any responsibility. He wants everyone to take care of him. I feel bad for him because he feels like he doesn't have a family, but he's the one who dug his own grave. I know he will be homeless if my mother puts him out, but i'd rather him fend for himself than have my mother live in fear in her own home.


My question is, how do i remove an adult child who refuses to leave my mother's home? She is resistant to kick him out for her own safety. I am 100% positive my brother will still show up even if my mom puts a restraining order on him.

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Your path to peace is to follow what other family members appear to have done, get him out of their homes. Having worked in CPS, I know she could lose custody of the kids if she doesn't get the dangerous person out of the house. It's her responsibility to protect tgem. Work on that angle and DO get him out with a restraining order and/or eviction. If he self destructs it will be hard to stop it, but don't let him take down everyone with him. There is no easy, magic, way to do it. Toughen up.
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I agree with Sorrynotsorry - even if he was willing to seek treatment for mh issues - and was diagnosed - it could be YEARS before the SS Admin would approve an application. I work in this field....average time (when it's not a devastating illness like cancer) is 3 years from application and there's usually at least 2 denials before an approval via a hearing at the SSA.

Talk to your local police. Talk to your local domestic violence agency. Talk to your local Volunteer Lawyers group (to see if he can be evicted)...keep knocking on doors WITH MOM - until you get somewhere.
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You don't automatically get disability for being mentally ill. My nephew is severely mentally ill and is 35 stills lives at home and was turned down for disability. My suggestion is get the police involved, and also child protective services. No child should have to live in a home with that going on. If he's homeless then maybe he'll be more willing to get help. I would never subject my young kids or grandkids to that kind of behavior. He can not be trusted. He sounds bipolar , there's meds for that and they work. Psychiatry is now covered thru the affordable care act. Take advantage of it. Even though he's mentally ill or whatever he needs to be accountable for his behavior and choices. Protect these young siblings since your mom refuses .
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My question is even simpler. What does this have to do with elder care?
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If he is violent and won't go, maybe it will reach the point your mother will need to get a restraining order against him and have him physically removed from the house. Then change the locks. Social services and some mental health organization needs to be involved.
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Figure out what resources may be available to give him an income, getting him diagnosed with a mental illness could give him disability payments and eligibility for low income housing.
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First off, unferstand that your brother is probably mentally ill, not lazy. He needs treatment.

If your mother won't evict him or get an order of protection, tell her that you are going to call Child Protective Services. Your neice/nephews are being damaged by your brother's behavior. CPS should be able to help remove your brother, utilizing police help if necessary.
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