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My Mom and I live in a HUD Apartment building and it can be very trying. And after having your own home this is sometimes the pits! And Mom and I worked all our lives, we live pay to pay! But I know that Mom is tired of living and I do tell her she has to wait for God ; I hear this every day and I myself am bi-polar and it really is hard for me to have patience sometimes! I feel so bad; what can I do?

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Needabreak,

I found a hairstylist that will come to the house for my mom, age 93. She is like your mom. Does not participate in anything.

My hairstylist that also cut mom’s hair did not want to cut hair outside of the salon so I googled hair salons. Luck was on my side. The very first salon I called the woman who answered the phone said, “Sure, I can come to your house. I go to nursing homes as well!” She has a heart for shut ins. She cuts hair beautifully. Has owned her salon for many years and adores my mother. Mom is very pleased with her. Best part! She charges much less than salon prices, $25.00! I tip her well! Even though she doesn’t expect it. She is an angel. We just love her. Call around, explain your situation like I did. You may get lucky. Take care. Hard to be cooped up.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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My mom says the same thing. She's 85 and has a lot of health issues and is wheelchair bound. She's always saying she wants to die. I know she's depressed because she can't really do anything. Also, she's list several friends and family members the last couple of years. I just tell her that God isn't ready for her yet and it's not her time yet.
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You know, I understand what your mom is saying. She does not have a death wish or a plan, she is just ready to go anytime now. Sometimes life gets so difficult that you come to terms with dying. I know for me I am ready to go at anytime now. As I have aged I have developed a lit of health issues be and my quality of life has become a struggle!! I hardly get out of bed much less out if the house!! It is what it is, I know, but the future holds quite a few surgeries for me, and I don't know if I have another recovery in me?!? Also I had a very good life up until 11 years ago. Dad hung himself and my entire way if life changed. It became a hard life with homelessness, illness, legal problems and just a great deal of anguish and misery!! I finally have experienced life as a reality! But I am tired and if I went tomorrow it would be ok, I've had a good and interesting life now and I am at peace with the prospect of death!! So just try to be understanding with your mom. There is nothing wrong her, she probably is just tired!!
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NeedaBreak101 Feb 26, 2019
My Mom doesn't take any Meds :) Except for a Baby Aspirin and sometimes something for sleep ! If we had a way to get out once in a while things would be different.I think living here also makes time go so slow and it is boring too. Living in a retirement apt building is not a peach. I wish Mom had some care takers to maybe share the load ; I am an only child and there will be no one to help if she passes and I am 69 and feeling age myself.
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Yes. I have known a few who are just tired of the whole thing and can hardly wait to go. Nobody wants to outlive all their friends and family
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Reply to PandabearAUS
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Yikes, without a vehicle your options are pretty limited! My heart goes out to you both. I am Bipolar too. So glad you came here, keep coming back, this is a great community of caring people and surely you will find some help here.

I have one suggestion you might consider and that is to involve yourselves with a local church. I don't know what your faith background is, but I would imagine that if you call one of the local churches and say that you and your mom would like to attend services but have no transportation, somebody will arrange to come and get you. Then before you know it you will have all sorts of activities to be involved in such as church suppers or Bingo or ladies' aid societies. Worth a try anyway, eh?
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Reply to DesertGrl53
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Do you know anyone who lives in nearby apartments?
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Reply to trudy6234
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Is your mom's depression being treated?

Does she go to a Senior Center or any kinds of activities for elders outside the apartment? That would be an opportunity for you both to have a break!

Can you leave her on her own for an hour or two so you can walk to the library or to a city rec center for exercise?
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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NeedaBreak101 Feb 18, 2019
Thank you for replying -- She can be left for a while. We live in the same retirement apartment building with separate apts. I do not have a car so I cant go too far and our town doesn't have much availability. Everything is too far away to walk. It is to the point where if I even sleep too late she wakes me up -- I do not have very much time to myself. I don't go away too far or for very long because this is a place where you are supposed to be self-caring/ no nurses or care-givers. We do have a community room but Mom doesn't like what they have / she does reading and puzzles. There is a van here to take u to the Doctor or for groceries but not shopping or out to eat :( WE are kind of stuck . And My Bi-Polar and anxiety is getting bad-- MY Mom just doesn't care. I just sometimes sleep just to get away from it all
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Often the days can stretch long when you've outlived your friends and spouse. I think that what you both need is to something to look forward to, make a routine of simple things that can fill her days like at trip to the local senior's centre, library (audio books are great), coffee at the mall or local coffee shop, religious services or any other neighbourhood activities that can get you out the door.
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NeedaBreak101 Feb 18, 2019
I don't have a car/ went to the scrap yard / and Mom gave up her car long ago. We do have van service but just for the Doctor and groceries. And the places to enjoy are too far to walk for Mom. And getting a Taxi is too expensive. I do try to get her to get interested on activities but she turns her nose up at everything ! She is tired and I used to take her away a lot but without a car things just went down hill. Thank you for your reply !
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