I am finding out the hard way that my mom with dementia and paranoia does not really respond well to our visits. She thinks "something is going on" all the time and accuses me of not listening to her about it. Her conversations go downhill from there. Unfortunately she can't communicate what she thinks is going on so we CAN listen to her and at least validate her feelings. I leave feeling as confused as she is, so we have decided to visit weekly and during the day rather than at the end of the day when sundowning is more likely to be occurring. I suspect she won't remember when or if we have visited anyways. What a sad state of affairs.
I attended a care plan meeting recently and was told not to come see my mother every day anymore who has alzhemiers & dementia. can a facility lawfully do that?
Estella, they can certainly suggest that to you. Could they enforce it? I really can't see how! Did they explain to you why they think it would be better if you don't come every day?
My mom almost passed a few weeks back & bounced back. She is 92 & very sharp minded. She is now in a nursing home but she expects us to be a her side from early morning til she goes to bed. It becomes very exhausting & feels like a life is on hold. We want to just do a few hrs at a time instead of the 4-5 shifts that we take durning the day. How can we ween her from this. We would visit everyday but the long hrs are just becoming to much.
Deanna16, each of you start visiting fewer hours, and fewer days. Explain your plan to the director of nursing and social worker. (Inform the chaplain, too, if that is applicable for your family.) They can help see that Mother is taken to activities and otherwise occupied when you are not there.
I take it the "we" here is you and your siblings -- ? If you can't all agree on reduced visiting hours, then make up your mind what hours you are able to visit, announce it to your siblings, and act accordingly.
You don't say that Mother is on hospice or in imminent danger of passing. Presumably if things take a turn for the worse you will all be notified. Meanwhile, start cutting back on the visiting times.
I can understand how frightening a near-death experience would be for your mother and that she takes comfort in your presence. But it is simply not realistic to keep up this schedule indefinitely, no matter what she "expects." This could go on for another 4 or 5 years, or even longer! You have to come up with a sustainable schedule.
We have suggestions to bring mom home but would need 24/7 care. Of course she will not allow nurses to be there overnight. My mom has congestive heartfailure. The dr gave her 3-6 months but you would never know it for the way she is feeling & her sharp mind. She also has a collapsed lung due to a hernia. Other family are bent to let her go home but the care would be my siblings & I (total 3). One sister works the other retired but has taken a toll on our thinking,health. I am going to suggest from the above which I already have before. I decided we each have to have at least 1 day off to breath again. That worked well this week. My mom is very strong minded & she doesn't even like if we are late when she expects us. Thank you again jeanneqibbs...
I am a retired nurse, worked in skilled care for 18 years. Last year relatives employed me to make daily/hourly visits to their loved one. I would visit at different times of the day. After each visit would send a detailed email report of my visit.
I would probably have gone every day if I didn't get yelled at. I found out she was just fine when I was not there except for some sundowner's when she was ill, and that she liked to just sit and watch people, get her nails done, and brag about her daughter the doctor (who was just "Stupid" when she came over to actually see her though :-) I ended up doing a few times a week, short and sweet, with outings every now and then for a medical visit and/or pizza once we had a vehicle adapted to make it practical. Her favorite grandson could come and talk for an hour though and she ate it up...my poor daughter though got picked on more like I did and did not put up with that too often.
It is a very difficult question to answer and it really depends on the individual. If a person has young children then the children must take precedence. Once per week is fine for people working and trying to manage their own lives / relationships. If a parent is openly bitter about being in the nursing home and visiting is taking its toll emotionally then one must limit their visits to once a week at most. Guilt is a powerful weapon and can be used very effectively so please do not let this factor into the equation. I would certainly not want my children stressed out about visiting me if I'm in a nursing home.
I take it the "we" here is you and your siblings -- ? If you can't all agree on reduced visiting hours, then make up your mind what hours you are able to visit, announce it to your siblings, and act accordingly.
You don't say that Mother is on hospice or in imminent danger of passing. Presumably if things take a turn for the worse you will all be notified. Meanwhile, start cutting back on the visiting times.
I can understand how frightening a near-death experience would be for your mother and that she takes comfort in your presence. But it is simply not realistic to keep up this schedule indefinitely, no matter what she "expects." This could go on for another 4 or 5 years, or even longer! You have to come up with a sustainable schedule.