How often should you visit a loved one with dementia in the first days of living in a nursing home?

Asked by
Answers 1 to 9 of 9
Expert Answer
3932 helpful answers
My point of veiw is to be with them as much as possible during the adjustment. I've heard people say that nursing home staff has said to just let them handle it and come back a few days later.
I guess that works for some people. I would be very afraid the elder's worst nightmare of being abandoned is what is going through their mind.
Every person is different. Every familiy is different. But for me, I wanted to be there daily so that they knew I was their advocate and they weren't being abandoned.
Good luck. It's tough.
Carol
When my mother-in-law fell and broke her hip, she had to go to a nursing home/rehab for 2 months or so. I personally went to see her every other day, but I called her everyday at first. It was hard enough hurting herself, but then add dementia, and not being able to ever go back home again, it was pretty rough. It was also important for me to make a presence there at the NH to make sure she was being taken care of. Her stay was only temporary, (now she is in a living asst place), unlike your parent that will be there forever maybe, but I brought a big platter of cookies every Friday for the people that helped her. They knew her family and responded to our kindness to them for taking care of her. I knew they had a hard, stinking job cleaning up after and dealing with dementia/alz patients, and I wanted to throw them a little niceness every week. Also, be sure and keep tabs on your family member to make sure they don't get bed sores. Those people at my mil's NH were good, but there are many more patients than workers, and they can't catch everything on everybody there. We did.
Thank you for advice. We have had a rough few days.Benn here 5 days. So far they have called the family in everyday. We have rotated going but have been there for many hours daily. It is like we are paying $5000 a month to watch her there. We could almost pay that for someone to be with her at home while we are at work. It is $172.00 day for n.h. And we are there all day. We could pay daytime home help and stay with her at night. Today she would not take all her pills, when asked what ones she did not take, they did not know. She is also still very able to walk. Quite well. They only want her in a wheelchair. I can understand for fall prevention. But do not want to encourage to to be in a wheelchair all the time. She is very mobile. She just cannot take of her daily needs with the severe memory loss. The family member that was there to today left and 2 hours later we got a call to come back already. Not saying we don't want to go. But we need to not be required to be here all day. I think with 3 kids and 2 in-law children. We could be sure she has comfort from family daily. Just not 6 to 8 hours daily. We all want to go, after work for about 2 hours or so. After talking to to other people, I have had most say it is recommended for family to visit very lightly for first 2 weeks to allow her to adjust. And to rotate visits, so as not to all be there at same time. I do believe when family is there often. The level of care and to help keep an eye on things is wonderful. These nurses are human and cannot see and tend to every detail. We want to be an extra set of eyes and ears. It is just we have to work. At a loss, and I think we are going to look for a better fit for the patient and the family. As we are in need of 24 hour full time long term nursing care. She is very mobile, and healthy overall.
Maybe she should be in an adult foster home instead, or asst living? I know there are not enough workers in a nh home to allow her to get up and walk, even with a walker. The ratio of patients to employees is pretty bad. She may need more one on one care. Nursing homes are not right for everybody. It would be frustrating to be kept in a wheel chair constantly. I'm of the persuasion that if you don't use it, you'll lose it. She needs to be able to walk till she can't walk anymore.
My mother has been in a nursing home for three months. I have visited her every day for two hours at dinner time. I must go out of town for a week and don't know what to do about my mother. She calls out my name constantly most days. How should I handle my days away from her.? I don't think she will understand my absent visits.
my wife is now in a nursing home.i have been visiting her alternate days for three months.now I just need a break for 3 or 4 days but I feel guilty
I have another question on this site about how long to stay away after admitting to a home. My hubby has Alzheimer's but he still knew me almost all the time. In fact, he was too attached to me so I was asked to stay away for the first two weeks.
It's been just over one week now and I call about every other day to see how he's doing. He is adjusting fine but I'm with everyone else as to which is best....stay away or visit often.
As far as needing to be there so many hours, I've never hard of such a thing! You would need to find a memory care facility where they know better how to deal with her alzheimers.
On thing I've found in all the admits I've done for my husband is there is a huge difference between facilities!!
Rosies...does your mother have Alzheimer's? Since she seems obsessed with you (same as my hubby) it might be best if you stay away for a couple weeks and let them redirect her. There should be no reason for you to go every day since you also have to take care of yourself and live your life too.
Go ahead and go out of town for a week, call the staff and see how she's doing. You might be surprised...
Shindy73, same for you....give yourself a break! There is no reason for anyone to spend every single day visiting a loved one. I know the guilt is hard to deal with but you also have to care for yourself. If you visit about 3 times a week you will probably be doing her a favor so she can become more attached with her current living situation. Otherwise, I've heard that it takes much longer for them to adjust.
I'm going through it right now too since I put my hubby in just over s week ago and I'm fighting the urge to visit him before the two weeks are up.
But when I call, they do,say he's adjusting well, making friends and socializing with people. That's a huge advancement for him since his Alzheimer's had him so attached to me. He escaped from three facilities trying to get to me! This home is working with him and asked me to stay away the two weeks. I'm only hoping at this point that it's the right thing to do....ill let you know how it goes when I do go see him.
Good luck to you!

Share your answer

Please enter your Answer

Ask a Question

Reach thousands of elder care experts and family caregivers
Get answers in 10 minutes or less
Receive personalized caregiving advice and support