How often should I visit my parents after they make the move?

Oh, wow, geewiz, the AL your MIL lives in sounds like they don't pay very close attention to their residents' hygiene needs. I think that's worth complaining to whatever state body regulates such buildings in your state. They should not leave everything including emptying the trash to family members. Especially for things like making sure she changes her clothes and has clean things to put on, that should be part of the services you're paying for if your MIL will allow them to clean her clothes. (I know I'm going to have to do my parents' for them because my mom won't let the staff do them, but that's just me ... and hopefully won't last long after they get used to having "live-in help" around.)

Well, it is too late for this input, but I hope the AL they move to is quite near to one of the children. The need for visits and oversight only increases as time passes. And with a dementia diagnosis things can easily fall through the cracks. I've guided 3 separate people thru 2 different ALs. I visited my Mom EVERY day unless someone else was going to visit. Some visits were 30 minutes, others were 3+ hours. That staff knew I would be there and the aides kept me up to date on things that were needed or important. I visit my MIL at least every week. I don't deal with the aides or staff as I am the in-law! (LOL) There are 5 kids to handle that stuff. Her room is DISGUSTING. The garbage isn't emptied (how many pull ups need to be smelling up the room?) The bathroom is dirty and the laundry isn't done regularly. No one makes sure she changes her clothes and certainly, no one reviews for mending or special stain treatment. The hairbursh is only cleaned when I do it and the tooth brushes are only changed when I do that. MIL calls me the cleaning service when I sweep thru the room. This is a long way of saying ---- someone HAS to be in charge. Seniors age. Their eye sight diminishes. Their filters for hygiene disappear. AND the staff at the AL figure they can make their own decisions. Who will check on doctor visits? Weight gain/loss? Need for Physical therapy? I feel someone has to take this role or the residents flounder. And this can't be a semi annual visit, though my daily visits are surely impossible for most folks.

RocknRobin has it exactly right! Only you know how often they'll need to actually see you in order to feel remembered and cared for, but you do need to let them settle in to their new community and get used to letting new people take care of them (not to mention, have the motivation to make friends). A phone call every few days will make sure they know you're thinking of them, letters and photos through the mail would be wonderful, and a visit every few weeks should be sufficient to let them know you haven't abandoned them. Driving 70 miles each way every single weekend is too much to ask of yourself and you'll wear yourself out before long! So let the AL do what it does best and just stay in touch with them and with the AL management to make sure everything is going smoothly. Good luck!

Get them settled in then make a phone call about every 3rd day. Stay away and give them time to meet their neighbors and make friends. It will take a while to learn the routine. If you show up, they will want to sit in their apartment and not socialize. Alert the activity director to engage them and draw them out. You won't need to hold their hand. Every weekend is way too much.