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I go every other day. 50 miles round trip...

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I think that depends on how often you want to go. Also speak to the staff. You’ll figure it out. Best wishes to you.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Thanks so much for taking the time to help me to understand what others do or do not do. We have been together to 42 years, so I'll continue to visit often. However, I will space my visits out a bit more. I'm feeling that I need some time to myself!
Thanks Again!
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DollyMe Aug 8, 2019
Yes, this is a good plan. He needs time to adjust, and you need to recharge your batteries.
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Thanks for your support. I surely enjoy visiting him, but I do believe that I will begin spacing my visits out a bit more for my own benefit. Thanks again!
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Reply to ElSobHills_CA
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There is no right or wrong answer to how often "should" you go. There is NO should. There is only what is right for you.

How often do you want to go? Are you going so often out of guilt? Do you feel he is safe and reasonably well cared for?

If you prefer to go a little less, start spacing your visits out a little bit more and more until you feel that you're at a level you can be comfortable with.

If he is in memory care, he doesn't technically "need" you to take care of him anymore. You do not need to feel guilty. You need to take care of yourself. Have some fun. Do things you like to do.
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Reply to againx100
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You are awesome! My mom lives 5 miles away from my dad's memory care facility and can barely bring herself to go twice a month (she is only 77 and still drives, etc,). After 50 years of marriage she declared that he wasn't "her responsibility" and that there is no point in visiting him because he can no longer carry on a conversation. So, I would say that is the extreme on the bad side...

At my dad's memory care there are two wonderful husbands who come every day. One sits with his wife all morning and then goes home for lunch, and I believe he even comes back again later in the day.

I think a lot of the residents in his memory care have no spouse, and a lot seem to have children who live out-of-state. So, some seem to get NO visitors.

My dad's been there for 2.5 years so I've seen a lot of residents and families come and go.
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