People suffering from a Dementia usually always want to go home. And it may not be even the last home they lived in, it could be a childhood home. I feel people suffering from Dementia go back in time as the desease progresses to where they are actually in their childhood. I feel my Mom thought I was her mother at times. I checked in on Mom almost every day for no longer than a half hour sometimes just 15 min at the AL. But I was 5 min up the road. Its usually recommended to stagger the times you go but I found before dinner was a good time. I sat in the common area with her and when everyone was seated I walked her to her table, said see u later and left. When she went to the NH, that was in the next town so I only went every other day. Not long, just to check in.
They have no conception of time. Their days just run into each other. Your husband has no idea if you stayed 15 min or all day. You could walk out the door and a friend come to visit and ur husband tell that friend you haven't been there in days. Because of short term memory loss, ur DH may not remember u visited 5 min after u left. The visiting is more for your peace of mind. And as said, doesn't hurt to make an appearance now and then to keep staff on their toes. If you don't want to go, don't go. He is safe and being cared for.
I don't believe one must go every day, but perhaps every other day now, as most if not all nursing facilities are running short handed, so it can't hurt to make sure he's receiving the care he needs and deserves. It's probably also best that you plan your visits for different times of the day, so you can get a better picture of exactly how thing are going for him there. And like MACinCT stated below, you can always answer his question of wanting to go home, with the response, "when your doctor says it's safe for you to go home." I'm sure it's very difficult for you to hear him say that he wants to go home all the time, but you know in your heart of hearts that he is exactly where he needs to be right now, so please have peace about that. God bless you.
I think that you should visit often enough to check on his care. Each person in a NH needs an advocate. If your presence is upsetting him, perhaps you can view him from a distance to assure yourself that he is doing well.
They have no conception of time. Their days just run into each other. Your husband has no idea if you stayed 15 min or all day. You could walk out the door and a friend come to visit and ur husband tell that friend you haven't been there in days. Because of short term memory loss, ur DH may not remember u visited 5 min after u left. The visiting is more for your peace of mind. And as said, doesn't hurt to make an appearance now and then to keep staff on their toes. If you don't want to go, don't go. He is safe and being cared for.
It's probably also best that you plan your visits for different times of the day, so you can get a better picture of exactly how thing are going for him there. And like MACinCT stated below, you can always answer his question of wanting to go home, with the response, "when your doctor says it's safe for you to go home."
I'm sure it's very difficult for you to hear him say that he wants to go home all the time, but you know in your heart of hearts that he is exactly where he needs to be right now, so please have peace about that. God bless you.
Welcome to the forum.
How long has your DH been in the NH?
I think that you should visit often enough to check on his care. Each person in a NH needs an advocate. If your presence is upsetting him, perhaps you can view him from a distance to assure yourself that he is doing well.