How often should I visit my mother with Alzheimer's in the nursing home when I know it upsets her whole day?

I disagree with the Lawyer who says visit at the same time every day to keep the staff on their toes with your loved one. Maybe the same time with the loved one but make an appearance at different times of the day so the staff gets her "ready" for your visit and neglects her the rest of the time you are not around. Do introduce yourself every time you visit to your loved one casually. "I'm so glad I'm your daughter, Mary, Mom. You have been such a good mother to me! Also introduce anyone who comes with you. Check with her caregivers on what time of the day she is happiest. Don't go when she is in the middle of an Activity, she might be upset about that. Take each visit as it comes. My sister in law would never visit her mother in the nursing home. She would say "It upsets me and she doesn't know me anyhow". Maybe not, but you are a visitor and believe me it will help you after she passes and you know you did everything you could for her. It will make you feel less guilty!!

.... the poster didn't ask you, any of you, how to better visit their mother, so by telling them to visit more and by doing that will lighten the guilt, is not yours to factuate. If you readers/commenters want to be good "listeners, and become "valuable to others, learn how to actually listen through words written ....in other words, take the time to read the posters question and answer those questions if you believe have worthy perspectives/ suggestions... rather than jumping into commenters conversations, while leaving poster out in the cold. 

Tired1of4, huh? I thought there was some really great responses to the OP! What I don't understand is you jumping on people who are only trying to help! I'm confused! 😯

... there's a difference between "Help" and "comments full of self focused changes of subject" ...i.e.: uninvited short stories injected with all types of assumptions and directives with very little attention being paid to the author of the question and are usually made in attempts to redirect a persons entire view while-never actually answering the persons question .. 

ok Stacy B, let's say for kicks & giggles, let's say I asked a question such as; "what would anyone suggest I do regarding the guilt I have about Not wanting to go see "so & so any more" ... what would you try and offer me as advice ... 

My visits upset my mother too when I leave therefore my pattern has been to visit in the evening and stay til she's asleep in bed - other times I've snuck out through the kitchen so she doesn't see me leave 
I don't think I've ever said goodbye to her But I make a big deal of saying hello to her 

This has given her some comfort but is oftentimes exhausting for me as I'm there for hours with my own demanding job

Recently she has been hospitalized and is now very weak and so I'm struggling to adjust the routine at least on the weekends

Unfortunately most places are understaffed and family involvement makes a difference

My relationship with the evening caregivers is much different than with the daytime ones who seldom see me

Other residents do struggle after family visits as they're left behind - the visits aren't the problem it's the departure 

I personally visit 3-4 times a week and I really don't want to go more often- I'm just too tired

Why not become a volunteer there? - you will get to see her but as she sees you with other patients she will accept you as part of the staff - try starting with others first so she sees you as yet another figure in the residence but also don't make her the last

This is the way to make a win/win situation - you see her & interact with her but her being upset should go away as you become part of the furniture - check with those running the place how best to ease into this

Go same time each week & this is something that will become routine for you both - I'm sure the staff would love a helping hand just talking to several of the residents but limit the number of times a week you go