How often should I visit my Mom in assisted living?

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I moved Mom into assisted living 4 months ago, she is under hospice for chf but in the last month has improved and is doing much better, walking now, off oxygen and eating all her meals in the dining room. This is a premium ALF and it is 5 mins from my home. I have been going to see her every day, I work full time and I must admit I am worn out, Mom always seems to want more..I have been told by the staff I should visit less as there is only myself and my spouse, no other relatives, my husband is getting tired of me being so drained all the time.

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Top Answer
Listen to the staff. Visit once a week and call the nurses for updates in between visits. Let her connect to the other residents by pulling back to once a week. She will not expand her social circle as long as you are acting as her home entertainment center. Been there. Done that.
My mom will be in assisted living very soon and I will be asking myself the same question. She's lived with me for two years so it will be an adjustment. However, I have siblings who will also (hopefully) visit mom. Since you work full time and it's only you and your spouse I would think a few times a week would be enough?
I am reducing to 4 or so days a week ...will make some visits brief, more like a 'pop in' I have told Mom I get real tired, she sort of gets it, hoping she understands I have a husband, a job a dog and a home to pay attention to also.
I used to take care of Dad at home with the help of hired caregivers. I was at the house a couple of times during the day and stayed with him in the evenings. So I know it's an adjustment from seeing a parent once a day to fewer times during the week.

Last February Dad was moved into assisted living and now he's in a personal care home. In the beginning, I went every other day to visit and YES, it's exhausting! I cut back to twice a week --- with feelings of guilt but knowing I couldn't handlei it anymore.

It's not just the hour visit --- it's emotionally preparing myself beforehand and the angst afterwards leaving him behind. So a visit really takes it out of me, too.

One of the things that's helping to make visits more pleasant is that I take him out to eat on Sundays. Then, it's just Wednesday evenings that we sit in his room for an hour. Just found out that some of Dad's friends meet up at McDonald's for coffee some weekday mornings. I think I may replace Wednesday evenings at the personal care home with a weekly trip to McDonald's instead :)
My mother is in a NH with parkinsons, dementia and stroke. The extreme stress of dealing with her over the years was affecting my health such that I had a mini stroke two weeks ago. Her dementia is pretty much full blown. To avoid the daily screaming tantrums I changed my phone number. I'll visit every so often to take her treats and ensure she has all she needs but I can do no more as the tantrums, accusations and wild imaginings are just so awful.
If you stop by to visit for less than thirty minutes each visit, five visits per week should be sufficient. If a visit is an hour or more, three visits should be sufficient. If you need to monitor the care givers daily, you may need to find another ALF.
My sister and me stop by at least for 45minutes to an hour or more everyday to visit with out mother who is in an upscale assisted living facility. Although mom is confused most of the time, she does know my sister and me and others who visit from the family..As a retired MSRN, I find that when staff sees that a family is interested and devoted to their family member, that family member gets more attention and great care. I also find that if the family members engage the staff in conversation about themselves and other staff members, that staff will take more of a personal interest in that families elder parent.
nightingale has an excellent point. Be seen, be heard, be known.
When the Head Nurse knows you on sight and smiles, all will be OK.
Mom needs time to adjust. Call in and ask. Then on weekends or a day if she can, take her out for a special visit, park, lunch, walk wheel chair....etc. I used to visit all time, ive cut back, but will take mom to get her hair done
I did it out of guilt, I saw her every day and cried....They told me to stop...time to adjust for both of us. Don't feel guilty....It has to be done.

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