Approximately, how much would I pay a live-in caregiver for my Mom (88)?

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I am my 88 year old mothers caregiver, I had to move in with her after she fell and broke her hip. she is afraid to be alone. I retired early to do this, I do everything for mom, cook, clean, laundry, doctor appts, pay bills, just everything. I moved out of my own home, my husband visits me every day. (I retired at age 62) my social security is not as much as it would be if I retired at full retirement age. I don't get paid to take care of mom, I have 7 siblings but everyone says they can't help.(5 of them live a few states away, two widowed sisters live 1 1/2 hours away) If my mother gives me a little money (300.00 every 3 or 4 months) one of my sisters tells everyone I am taking her money so now I am doing this and not getting paid. The being away from my own home is taking a toll on me and my marriage. When I leave to go to my own house my mother sulks and makes me feel guilty for being gone for a couple of hours. I feel unappreciated and taken advantage of. if I were to hire someone for 2 or three days a week how much would I pay them? I do have home health come in a couple of days a week for one hour for her showers and light house work. Any suggestions?

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You guys are awesome! Your advice, compassion and understanding make me much better about my guilt and frustration. Thank you, I will look into some more programs.
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Ginny, call some of the local Caregiving agencies to get an idea on what they would charge to have a Caregiver live in your Mother's home. Whatever they quote, note that a percentage of that pay goes to the Agency, and the rest goes to the Caregiver after payroll taxes are taken out.

Your Mother can pay you for your time, but you would need to prepare an employment agreement saying how many hours you will work each week, what will be the hourly pay, if you have any days offs, and if you will pay your own payroll taxes.

The way I look at it, if your Mother can pay you to be a live-in caregiver, then you Mother could pay a certified Caregiver to live-in. That way you can go back home, and reestablish your employment to keep adding to your Medicare and Social Security.

My ears start to lay back whenever I hear that the grown child who lives the closest has to stop their own lives while the other siblings get to continue on with theirs.
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Not sure if this is an option, but some of the adult day care is available and possibly easier to get her to do than to get her to move to assisted living. For one day program I know about, I think the fees are $20/hour but some of the programs have a sliding scale for people who have a financial difficulty paying. However, I get the impression that the fees vary quite a bit from facility to facility.
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You seemed to be in a situation common to many caregivers, sibs expecting you to do everything and then griping about petty amounts of money. People post these stories every day on this site. Your mom is ready for assisted living. She would get the care she needs and you would get your life back. Few people can make the sacrifices you have and have a happy. If life was good or your you wouldn't be posting on this site. In home care is much more expensive than a care facility. If your mom can afford it, great. If you can get her in a facility, she'll be hurt angry etc, but she'll get over it. If your many sibs have a problem with it send them all the same letter expressing the fact that any of them are more than welcome to up root their lives and take over, if not, then they should shut the h*ll up.
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I pay $15.00 an hour for a companion and light cleaning. I don't expect her to do anything but be there if Dad falls when I am out. I pay the rate to insure dependability and good care for Dad. On the days she housecleans I pay $20.00 an hour. She is a godsend and if she wanted $30.00 I would gladly pay it. When you get good help that genuinely listen and like your parent, it gives you freedom.

What I do about the whining and guilt, is sit my dad down and have an adult to adult talk about my limits. I simply explain that this constant guilt makes the job too tough for me, and I will have to quit. . When he says I am blackmailing him, I calmly reply that it is a fact. Know your limits, communicate them, and stick to them.
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By the way, I do have an aunt in kind of the same situation. She and her family have decided, rather than continue to burden the children that live closest that she should move into a retirement apartment or similar place. The siblings far away have enough guilt that they were probably more for the idea even than the ones closer doing most of the work.
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Your mother should at least pay you for the gas and any other expenses. It's a simple matter of reimbursement, although getting a bit extra for your time would be nice. I'm just saying that it's not fair for you to spend your time and be out money that would go toward your own retirement.

But that wasn't your question, I realize. I think it depends what you want the person to do. Each area's prices vary, too. Do you have a local nursing school or something like that close by where you could ask around if someone might be appropriate and willing and negotiate with them? How much does she have to pay home health care? Are you thinking the person coming for a couple hours is more just company than an actual health worker?

Around here, there are "sitters" and I'm not sure how much they get paid, but they tend to be nursing students, it seems. We also have a charity service that will sit for 1-4 hours per week for free but asks for donations. I don't know how much the donations would be but I somewhere got the impression that $10/hour would be fine. I don't know if it would be too much but got the impression that it wouldn't be too little.

Also, would move back in with your husband, quite honestly, but that's my own opinion. Your years together might not be as long as you think and living in someone else's home doesn't sound particularly pleasant. You might tell your siblings that you can't give up your own life like this any longer and that they'll have to figure out something else. Commit to some set number of hours to go to her house and help her and they have to figure the rest out. Commit to specific tasks (like helping her pay her bills) and let them figure out the rest.

That's not exactly the question you asked but you did ask for suggestions. You did say this is taking a toll on you and your marriage and maybe it's just that I so deeply value sleeping in my own bed that I give this type of advice, but being someone else's guest in what should be my golden years sounds too unpleasant to me, but that's just my opinion on the matter.
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