How much time to give mum for deciding on living arrangements?

Mum left her job as a teacher. For those of you who think teacher retirement would be sufficient for income to live alone, it is not. Eeven if she worked until her full retirement years, it is not enough to afford the cheapest apartment.

But she really gave up her life and future income to help her daughter. I am horrified by those who want Mum out, after she gave up retirement.

Live on Social Security? You must be joking. Social Security is based on how much was taken out of your paycheck for SS. In my state if you work as an educator there is no SS.

Some countries take take care of their elderly family members in the home. America is losing empathy for anything.

Perhaps your mother could get a job. One of my girlfriends, who is 65, just got put on full time at our closest Amazon warehouse. When she applied she said she wanted to work full time. Her 3 month probation ended yesterday and now she is permanent full time. She is paid $17.00 an hour I think, with raises at intervals. I don't know the system in the UK but perhaps there are places that help women returning to the workforce. I know here in the US there are several agencies to help you.

I remarried at 65. I started working for the government at 45 and after I retired at 65, I went back part time and worked until I was 83, didn't work at 84, worked the summer I was 85. They asked me to return to work at 85 because they were having problems finding young people who would show up for work if the beach called or they just didn't want to get out of bed.

I think you have to be very blunt, that the current situation is taking its toll on you. Help her find a place to live and you will visit but get her out of your environment. Be tough and ignore her outbursts. And possibly, you may have to seek other housing as a means of getting her out of your hair.

Does your mom know that you are in therapy? If so, that will make my suggestion a lot easier. I think you should arrange for your mom to attend 1 or more of your therapy sessions. It should be okay with your therapist, particularly since it was her suggestion to have your mom move out. You are fortunate that your mom is in sufficient physical and mental health that she would be able to function on her own. You don't mention what income she has i.e. a pension from her job as a school principal and/or social security (if her husband, your dad, has passed away), any investment income she may have. Just because you've been supporting her doesn't mean that she can't support or at least help to support herself. She moved in to help you with your son. He is now at an age where he should be mature enough to stay at home by himself for a few hours. You don't say if you work the night shift. If so, you may have to hire a baby sitter for 11-7. Your mom can't MAKE you feel guilty. No one can. You can only allow yourself to feel guilty and then, that's your choice. The bottom line is that if you don't take care of yourself first, you can't do a good job of caring for anyone else - including your son. What does your mom do to keep in contact and socialize with others her age? Does your town have income-based housing for those over 65 or with a physical or mental handicap? If you mom really cares about you, and you are honest with her either 1:1 or during a joint session with your therapist, she will realize that circumstances have changed and it wasn't meant to be an indefinite living situation when she moved in, just an opportunity for her to help out, get to know your son, and in return she received room and board and whatever other benefits she may have received. If it wasn't working out for her, it sounds like she would have made her wishes known a long time ago. Once she's on her own, maybe she'll meet someone, choose to travel, look for a job at a senior center, library, or volunteer at a school. You're giving her back her life. She would no longer be obligated to put caring for your son first in her life (assuming she was doing that before). If your sister lives close by, you may want to include her in some of your therapy sessions for family counseling. Best of luck to you!

The first step I always take before a big change like this is prayer...then with a clear conscience try to work this out.
it will always weigh on your mind that you told your mother that she has to leave....your mother. She will always feel really bad inside that you did ‘‘this to her, her own daughter.’


The therapist’s job is to work with you to resolve problems.She/he can’t tell you what to do. What seems right to them may be not right to you. Financially your mother is dependent on you...it’s very hard to live on social security.
I wish you the best. If your mental health is at state you’ll have to do something.

i wish you the best no matter which way this goes.