How much support should my 84 year old Mom receive?


My mom is a recent widow. My dad had dementia for 5 years and was in a nursing home for the last 1.75 years. Mom wants to stay home. She drives, goes places independently but she is weak in her legs. She says she will be going to Physio to strengthen them.

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Have you asked her if she needs/wants help?

It is a good sign that she wants to keep active.

My Mum is 83 and very active, has a busy social life and does not need any help. My former MIL is 82 and has had grocery and prescription delivery for over 10 years. She rarely leaves her home, but even when she did not have physical limitations, she rarely left her home.

So the question is not about your Mum's age, but her ability and needs.
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Dear dadsdaughter74,

My deepest sympathies and condolences. I'm sorry for your loss. Its hard to know how much help to give one's parent sometimes. My preference would be to try and keep your mom at home as long as possible. I would try to give your mom as much support as you can and are comfortable with. If you feel her care is escalating and you would like to take about making alternate arrangements like a nursing home, I would start that conversation now.

I started doing logistical stuff for my parents in my early 20s like paying the bills, cleaning the house, buying groceries and handling doctor appointments but as the years wore on it did take its toll.

I know its a difficult and delicate time. Try to talk to your mom and ask her what she wants and needs and see how it goes.
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Is your mother 'all there' mentally (taking her grief into account)? If so, helping her by doing the shopping or chores that require strength would be good. My mother has mobility issues and we do the serious shopping for her. She's also begun to slip a few mental cogs, which is why I came to this site, but at least I feel like I'm really helping her with the food.
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