Follow
Share

My husband's Uncle just moved in w/me, hubby and our 6 and 7 yr old sons Feb 3rd 2017. I am a stay home mom (wife) and full-time online student, I just lost my father 1 yr and 6 mo ago; now having to take care of someone else... I do not know him at All. He has lived in NYC for over 60 yrs,(away from families) missing the funeral of my husband's Mom. My husband's sister didn't want their Uncle living w/them anymore because he wasn't/isn't receiving enough $ for her to care for him (he is too much responsibilities for them plus his monthly income is 1400.00). We took him in Feb 3rd 2017, since then everything has increased, gas from $68 to $134 a mo, electric $100 to $233, water $58 to $153 a mo oooh and the food he eats more than my 2 son's and husband together!! Food has increased from $156 every 2-3 months $500 and he has been living w/us only 2 mos! He lived free for the mo of Feb and when my husband told his Uncle $750 for rent and $250 toward utilities ($1000.00). My husband asked his Uncle if he could put $175 toward groceries for the month of March...his Uncle got angry and upset. So I got angry because I am the one who is home w/him, making his breakfast, & lunch, cleaning up behind him like he is one my children while my husband gets up at 3 am every morning for work! I Am Making sure that his Uncle is SAFE! I am Already taking him to doctors appts (taxi driver, maid, cook & servant) feeling it Right about now! How much should I charge for my services? I am upset more than anything because the extra room (guestroom) is now being occupied by his Uncle, he has a 42 inch TV in his room, plush Queen Size bed, fresh sheets weekly, access to washer & dryer, he has access to our internet, & telephone & Food... I know that the income my husband's Uncle receives he could not/would not survive! How much should he be charged to live w/my husband and our 6&7 yr old son's? I guess I am overwhelmed, I have sacrificed a lot, my privacy, peace and time....

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
If you and your husband can agree, you can get an attorney to draw up a written contract. That might offer you both some protection. What if you can no longer take care of him? I'd have some provisions about that, so, I'd ask the attorney for advice. Also, there'll be a paper trail of why he's giving you money in case he needs to apply for Medicaid.

It's really amazing that someone who expect another to prepare their meals, do laundry, transport to appointments, with no to little compensation. This is something that immediate family members struggle with. Do you know how much professionals charge to provide complete care? Is he thinking clearly? I'd wonder what is causing him to believe this is okay. Maybe, his reasoning is off. I might check into why his own family stopped providing these services. Maybe, this is a pattern.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Inumber1, time to charge the Uncle "room and board" for living with you. No different then if he was living in rooming houses of long ago. Just figure out what his cost would be, I am thinking $500 for the room and 1/5th of the utilities.

To make it easier on the utilities, see what full cost utility would be equal to the 1/5th of the others. Then have Uncle pay for example the gas, electric and water. Time for him to learn how to make his own bed with fresh sheets.

Curious, has Uncle been single his whole life? Did he live with his parents after high school? Depending on his age, it's not unusual for an older bachelor relative to move right into a relative household to be taking care of.... even when they still are employed, have nights out, etc.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Is money really going to solve this problem? Certainly, if he stays he should be paying his way, and you should have a written contract to that effect.

But, the real issue here is, I think, that you are being expected to care for a stranger. A man who has been estranged from his family and now expects family to take him in. Why? If this were your father-in-law, or a dearly-loved uncle who was active in the family, that might make things a little different. But as it stands, I really don't see why he is living with you.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

I agree with the above answer. I also completely understand your feelings. Been there. There have to be some alternative out there for him. House shares, group homes, subsidized housing, whatever. Contact your local Area on Aging Agency for resources. Good luck! You've got the toughest job in the world.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Why did you all take him in given his previous history?

I hear your feelings about being used as your husband's uncle's free help. I think you and your husband need to have a heart to heart talk about this and come up with a plan which you will do as a team.

I would add up the increase of costs that you listed and charge him the average of it for over 3 months or so.

What are the man's health problems?

There should be some low income housing available for him so that he can move out if he is really able to function on his own. I would contact Adult Protective Services and ask for help with him and say that with two small children at home that you are not in a position to be his free caregiver.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.