My father had a stroke three years ago and had appointed me, his eldest child, DPOA and health proxy. The stroke left him with dementia. My younger brother was furious that he had not been the one appointed and unsuccessfully petitioned for guardianship of our father.
I live 10 hours away and have managed my father's care from afar. I work as a teacher and have spent much of my vacation time away from my own family, caring for my father. He was receiving 24/7 one-on-one care from caregivers he knew before the stroke. The care was wonderful but much too expensive to be a long-term solution, so I would relieve the caregivers for a few days whenever I could. This involved incontinence care, getting up with him at 3:00 am, showering him, helping him dress, etc. In addition to carrying out the typical duties of a POA and health proxy, I dedicated weeks to touring care facilities, discussing care options with agencies, advertising for and interviewing potential caregivers, etc., so that I could find a more affordable situation. Recently, I got my father settled into an excellent memory care facility. When I knew he was happy there, I sold his house and now know that he will have the money to pay for his care as long as necessary.
All this is leading to the question, What should I be paying myself as a POA? My POA contract states that I can pay myself, but I never have over these three years. My brother, who petitioned to be my father's guardian, lives only two hours away from our father and has refused to do anything to help. After selling our father's house, I spent 20 full days getting it cleared out, with no help from my brother. The work I have done goes far beyond my POA duties. I have actually been afraid to pay myself because my brother is so belligerent, but this is absurd. I have read that $30 per hour is considered reasonable. Should I pay myself for the caregiving, cleaning out of the house, etc., or just strictly for the POA duties? My brother will be the executor of my father's will, and the first thing he will do when he gets my father's financial records is look for any wrongdoing on my part.
My dad died in 2018, and I was POA for my mother from then until she died a few weeks ago. I've never paid myself for that work, nor will I probably pay myself for my work as a Trustee.
I will not at any point be paid for the caregiving but then again I don't expect to be. I have suffered financial loss and I don't think it is fair that my sister won't help but I have noticed it is generally the case. My mum was never paid to take care of me.
Your brother wanted POA and I guess is refusing to help now because you didn't give it to him. Do you think he would have helped if you offered him $30 an hour?
$30 an hour seems overly generous IMO especially since it is for your own family. I would have thought hiring someone would be more appropriate and certainly would have made less for your brother and you to argue over
I would be paid for any and all work I do on Mum's behalf.
Keep good records.
What I think is "fair" is much more than I have any intention of paying myself. I'm looking for an amount that would be found acceptable in court if/when my brother attempts to sue me.
For a little context, my brother went to my father's house with his wife and sister-in-law and spent a weekend cleaning the basement (versus my 20 days emptying the house after the house sale). This was the first time in three years that my brother had stepped up in a significant way. At the end of the weekend, he demanded a discount for his wife on my father's luxury car (there was already a buyer willing to pay book value, so that was a no) and a Persian rug for his sister-in-law. So he valued a weekend of helping out at, oh, about $10,000.
IMO what a POA gets paid for is the time spent on setting up what I listed above. Time spent paying bills. Dealing with doctors. Reimbursement for travel.
I would consult with a lawyer. Ask what he thinks is reasonable. There may be a law that states you can only claim a certain amount. You need to keep very good records. Your brother has the ability, when Dad passes, to contest the audit done on Dads estate. He has a right to ask for a full accounting of how Dads money was spent before his death. He can hold up the closing of Probate for a long time.
I would say that by looking for MC for Dad. Caring for him when an aide was not available and cleaning out the house was done by a daughter who loved him. It needed to be done and you did it. You don't get paid for being a daughter.
Please, do not let anger set in when it comes to your brother. Being angry just uses up energy. My daughter has been reading Boundries by Cloud and Townsend. The one thing my daughter liked about what was said is "you can't control how someone responds to you". This was referencing when you need to say "No". But I think it covers a lot of different scenarios too. In your situation, you have no control over brother getting mad because "Dad" assigned you POA. Brother shouldn't be mad at you but Dad. This is brothers problem with how he reacted to this. And really, why, he is the youngest. He is just cutting the nose off to spite his face if he lets this ruin the relationship with his Dad. This is not your fault or something you need to feel guilty about. Your brother, IMO, is wrong to feel this way but then its his right to feel this way.
And a lot of what YOU chose to do for your father, could have been handled by someone else, and paid for by your father.
Did you father and mother get compensated when you were a baby and kept them up all night crying, and they still had to go to work in the morning, or when you peed and pooped in your diapers multiple times every day, and they had to change them and clean you up? Of course they didn't. They did it out of love for you, and because they wanted the best for you.
Your father assigned you as his POA, as he must have felt that you would do right by him, and do your best by him.
Now you have been blessed with the opportunity to give your father the best as payback. And I guess if you feel that must be compensated for this payback, then by all means see an attorney who specializes in this field, so as to keep everything on the up and up.
I can honestly and not at all piously say that the thought of taking money for being POA has never occurred to me.
If you’re thinking it will in part appease the anger towards your brother, it won’t, because nothing will.
Take your “reward” from the fact that you’ve done the right thing(s) for your father. There is no way your brother can covet that wonderful feeling.
You've done a lot for your dad. I know it's difficult with siblings, but I hope this helps a little.
Should a power of attorney be compensated?
Unless your power of attorney form specifically prohibits compensation, agents under a power of attorney are generally entitled to "reasonable" compensation. ... Before compensating yourself, we strongly recommend you contact an elder law attorney to find out what is allowed in your state and to help draw up a contract.Aug. 18, 2015
Another site said $100 to $200 a month.
I know how easy it is for the resentment and anger to build against a sibling. I would hope your dad will share his estate equitably between the two of you.
Was this a paid gig from the beginning? If yes, then take your pay. If no, then stay the course.