My mother has always been mentally ill. She has always seen a psychiatrist and therapist but the only diagnosis they have ever given her is agoraphobia and panic disorder. There is much more to it than that but since she has never given anyone else permission to talk to her doctor or therapist, all they know is what she tells them. She is extremely paranoid, unforgiving and lies a lot. She might say or do something very rude or inappropriate to someone, then will immediately call everyone and tell them the other person said or did those things to her. She tells the story over and over and acts so offended, I think she believes it. She has never been able to tolerate my brother (her only son) but doted on me like I was her favorite. She makes up horrible, slanderous stories about my brother as excuses for why she can't stand him, when in actuality none of it is true. He finally quit calling or seeing her and she tells everyone she doesn't understand why he has abandoned her. And she truly DOESN'T understand. Most of her time is spent trying to keep us apart, even as kids. She wanted us to fight and if she thinks I have talked to him now, she sees it as a betrayal and threatens to change the will. No real explanation for why she hates him so. All of this was BEFORE dementia. Now it is much worse. It is hard to know how much of her behavior now is dementia and how much is her personality. The elaborate lies she tells and the way she covers them up can't possibly be the work of someone with dementia. For instance, she told her therapist for so long about how awful my brother treats her...then the therapist finally asked for a family session to get his side of the story. My mom called him and told him to be there for the appointment at 11:30 then told him if he doesn't show, she is done with him forever. However the appointment was actually at 9:30 so of course he didn't show and she cried to the therapist about being abandoned then told him he knew it was at 9:30 and is lying. (Even though he actually recorded her saying 11:30.) She calls and asks me to cover for a lie she plans to tell him and when I refuse, she becomes angry and once again threatens to change the will. She tells everyone that my dad left her a huge inheritance and her money hungry kids are fighting over it (which of course isn't true.) She then gets advice from well meaning people to go to a lawyer, which she does. I can't tell you how many people have turned their backs on my brother and me because of stories she tells. I'm sure I don't even know the half of it. She calls me several times a day, complaining that she is bored and lonely. She cries and tells me she misses me. Then I feel terribly guilty. But talking to her and being around her keeps my stomach tied up in knots. She asked my brother's ex wife (whom he hasn't spoken to in years and is a sore subject in his current marriage) to be her power of attorney to make life and death decisions for her. The ex wife agreed and she plans to see a lawyer to make it official. My mom told me this and asked me to swear not to tell my brother. As I see it, this is a way to still be able to cause drama for him even if she is incapacitated in a hospital bed. Could someone with dementia really think these elaborate things up? I know she has dementia now and sometimes can't keep the lies straight anymore but I just don't know how much of this is dementia and how much is just her. Talking to her about this does absolutely no good because she takes responsibility for nothing. I dread the phone calls. I sometimes tell her I am working when I actually have the day off just so I can avoid the drama for a day. Luckily I live 2 hours away. Any advice?