My take on this is a little different. My brother lives 1200 miles away and he was having very little contact with our parents (now aged 100 and 96), who live in an assisted living facility. He and I had a discussion on what he could do for ME from that distance, and I told him call our folks every week at an agreed-upon time. It gave me one day where I didn't have to contact them. But it also gave them bragging rights to their friends at the facility, because so many have no family contact at all. So he calls on Sunday afternoons each week, and they really look forward to it. So cc, maybe if you asked your brother to do this for YOU, he would be more responsive.
If he is a pastor he is going against his own doctrine. It is written that the Christian who does not care for his own family is worse than a non-believer. Sometimes religious people see their church as their family, and your brother also has quite a large family where he is to tend to. Still a call every week or two wouldn't be too much for anyone, no matter how busy.
With my brothers I encourage, but I take the stance that their relationship with my mother is between her and them. We're not a close family, so I understand things. I also know they take good care of their wives, children, and grandchildren, so I cut them some slack in my mind. I do not have the pulls on my life that they have on theirs.
I'm SURE you've figured out before this point in your life that men and women think differently. Many books have been written on this subject. Ha ha.
Brother may have a little bit of a stubborn streak so that the more you discuss this with him, the less likely he is to do it. Because then it would be your idea, not his.
Men don't always know how to handle the uncomfortable-ness that comes when their parents reach this stage. They are more hands on, not touchy-feely. This is a generalization, not a hard and fast rule of course.
Also I would like to say that time passes as different rates of speed for different people. Some people feel every minute of every day, where I'm always surprised when Friday arrives because it just seems like yesterday was Friday. Time passes very quickly for me.
I will throw this out, it would have driven my mother absolutely crazy if I'd called every day in years past. She would've felt like I was imposing on her, keeping tabs on what she was doing or something. I guess other mothers would have gotten their feelings hurt if their daughters didn't call every day. So there is no normal. It's just what feels comfortable for the parties involved.
Without your mentioning it to them, do your parents even know how often your brother calls? Do they recognize the passage of time? Do they lament that they haven't heard from him in a while? Can they call him when they want to?
I wouldn't put any blame on his job. We all have things ie jobs, hobbies, whatever, that we spend our time on. I suppose non-Christians could be frequent callers, so I'm not sure that his religious beliefs should come into play either. Honoring our parents can be played out in various ways, I'm not sure that God meant call once a week. Perhaps brother donates money in their names to a charity? Who knows, I don't.
Encourage your parents to call your brother and establish a phone relationship. He may reciprocate, once that relationship has been established.
I disagree ferris1, I think decent people call because it is the right thing to do. Extremely selfish people only do it when they darn well feel like it and it makes THEM happy and to heck with caring towards anyone else.
ccflorida, you can tell your brother how your parents enjoy his calls and encourage him to call every week. It is what I did with my brothers. I know that their calls mean a lot to my mother. My brothers don't call every week, but when I send them a friendly message to remember to call, they do. Sons may not realize how much it means to parents to hear their voices and know they care. I don't press my brothers to call. I just let them know how much my mother enjoys hearing from them.
Lots of variables here. In some circumstances perhaps he shouldn't call at all. In others he might want (and Mom and Dad might like) a daily contact or even more.
Are they estranged? Do they have a close, loving relationship? Can the parents hear well and carry on a comfortable conversation on the phone?
Does he send notes and cards? Do the parents enjoy that as much as a call?
There is no "should" based on the little your said. Would you like to provide more background. For instance, why has this question come up?
I say he should not call but save his pennies to get his butt on a bus and go see them for an extended time, in person! The wife can hold down the fort for 2 weeks.
As I had mentioned above, I need to call my parents once a day [if I don't see them to make a delivery] otherwise they would think I was kidnapped. If the phone calls were enjoyable I wouldn't mind, but mainly Dad and I will have long gaps of silence. And that is understandable as every day is Ground Hog day in my parents life, or Dad will start on a story I heard 100 times already about how he know someone is stealing their mail [no one is stealing their mail]. Thus, it also depends on the routine conversations if one calls daily or not.
If I call my parents house and my Mom answers, I will get a "hello".... Hi Mom.... "hello".... Mom it's FreqFlyer..... "hello, guess no one is there" and she hangs up. Mom is almost deaf and hearing aids don't help :(
For crying out loud, calling a parent is NOT such a grandious sacrifice.....barring it was an abusive relationship. For a decent, imperfect, aged parent.... Call them, daily, even if briefly....have the same conversation.....say just wanted to check on you...make them feel like somebody will care if / when they were dead. If you have daily calls they will be one short. In the course of a day each of us has civil small talk with neighbors, colleagues or strangers we could care less about ....why would you deny the person who raised you the same? Barring some deep emotional issue not calling a parent is petty. I had no interest in calling mom when I was in college, but I have become less selfish since....frankly our conversations are just as boring. Most of us have cell phones and can even squeeze a call in during a grocery run, from the car, etc..
With my brothers I encourage, but I take the stance that their relationship with my mother is between her and them. We're not a close family, so I understand things. I also know they take good care of their wives, children, and grandchildren, so I cut them some slack in my mind. I do not have the pulls on my life that they have on theirs.
Brother may have a little bit of a stubborn streak so that the more you discuss this with him, the less likely he is to do it. Because then it would be your idea, not his.
Men don't always know how to handle the uncomfortable-ness that comes when their parents reach this stage. They are more hands on, not touchy-feely. This is a generalization, not a hard and fast rule of course.
Also I would like to say that time passes as different rates of speed for different people. Some people feel every minute of every day, where I'm always surprised when Friday arrives because it just seems like yesterday was Friday. Time passes very quickly for me.
I will throw this out, it would have driven my mother absolutely crazy if I'd called every day in years past. She would've felt like I was imposing on her, keeping tabs on what she was doing or something. I guess other mothers would have gotten their feelings hurt if their daughters didn't call every day. So there is no normal. It's just what feels comfortable for the parties involved.
Without your mentioning it to them, do your parents even know how often your brother calls? Do they recognize the passage of time? Do they lament that they haven't heard from him in a while? Can they call him when they want to?
I wouldn't put any blame on his job. We all have things ie jobs, hobbies, whatever, that we spend our time on. I suppose non-Christians could be frequent callers, so I'm not sure that his religious beliefs should come into play either. Honoring our parents can be played out in various ways, I'm not sure that God meant call once a week. Perhaps brother donates money in their names to a charity? Who knows, I don't.
Encourage your parents to call your brother and establish a phone relationship. He may reciprocate, once that relationship has been established.
Lots of variables here. In some circumstances perhaps he shouldn't call at all. In others he might want (and Mom and Dad might like) a daily contact or even more.
Are they estranged? Do they have a close, loving relationship? Can the parents hear well and carry on a comfortable conversation on the phone?
Does he send notes and cards? Do the parents enjoy that as much as a call?
There is no "should" based on the little your said. Would you like to provide more background. For instance, why has this question come up?
If I call my parents house and my Mom answers, I will get a "hello".... Hi Mom.... "hello".... Mom it's FreqFlyer..... "hello, guess no one is there" and she hangs up. Mom is almost deaf and hearing aids don't help :(
For a decent, imperfect, aged parent.... Call them, daily, even if briefly....have the same conversation.....say just wanted to check on you...make them feel like somebody will care if / when they were dead. If you have daily calls they will be one short.
In the course of a day each of us has civil small talk with neighbors, colleagues or strangers we could care less about ....why would you deny the person who raised you the same?
Barring some deep emotional issue not calling a parent is petty.
I had no interest in calling mom when I was in college, but I have become less selfish since....frankly our conversations are just as boring. Most of us have cell phones and can even squeeze a call in during a grocery run, from the car, etc..
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