How long will it take for my mom to die if she is only eating a few bites a day and little water?

Misscindyanne,
There really is no way to know exactly when your mom will pass. As a hospice nurse, I've seen patients last much longer than I thought they would and those who have had a very fast decline and passed way before I thought they would.
I know you're anxious, as anyone would be.
If she's not drinking anything, usually it's a matter of days, and 2-3 weeks without food.

It seems strange that she was fine before you left but had trouble swallowing after 1 week. (The confusion part would be normal due to not being with you and being in different surroundings.)
Usually swallowing problems are in the last stage of dementia (stage 7). During this last stage a person usually can't walk, sit up or talk. Your mom doesn't sound like she's progressed to this point. The only other thing I can think of is that maybe your mom has given up, as in lost the will to live. Whatever the cause, it's a horrible spot to be in-totally helpless to change things.
God bless you both at this tough time.

misscindyanne, this is one question you can ask Hospice as they have seen cases like this many times over. So sorry this is happening to your Mom.

You mention that your Mom has Dementia, thus there are times when the person forgets how to eat.... or eating has become painful for the stomach to digest.

As said before each individual is different. For my mother, (Alzheimer's) she became a lite eater and also became bedbound within days of coming home from rehab. I brought her home for hospice, believing that her body was giving up the fight. She went through a few days of sleeping almost all the time. Then she started staying awake and thus, was awake to eat at regular intervals. The quantity was still modest. As mentioned previously at this point minimal energy is being burned.

Her appetite continued to decrease, with no difficulty in swallowing. The last week I was expressing my concern to the nurse about her not eating or drinking. She said that is one of the most difficult areas caregivers struggle with as the end nears. I knew I was bringing her home to die, but the process is difficult to navigate. Momma was taking in so little, I knew it was not enough to sustain her. I asked the nurse if I was dragging the dying process out by encouraging food and drink consumption. She said I was being a loving daughter, but yes. She knew I wanted what was best and easiest for my mother. She said stop offering food and drink, but if she asks for it give it to her. Momma never ate or drank anything again and passed in five days.

Your mother said she wanted to die. And you believe she has given up. Perhaps listening to what she has said and helping her through the process of dying is what you need to do at this time. Between you and your hospice team you need to decide how to proceed. This is not easy, but you will be alright.

I know it is very hard to go this with your mom. My mother Alizheimer's stage is more around 5 maybe going into 6 and is currently in a memory care center; she has gone through the same thing your mother is going through. My mom would just sleep all day and too weak to even sit up in a wheel chair. My brother and I plus the staff thought she would pass within a few weeks if not before. My brother and I decided to take her off all of her medications including the Alzheimer's medications, since it didn't seem that any of them were helping her at this point and in doing so she started to improve. She started eating, getting stronger and can now sit in the wheel chair. In speaking to the staff and manager of the facility they said they have seen this many times. They said currently there is one patient who has gone through this 3 times. She would be what it seem near death and then improve. I wouldn't have believe that until I seen it with my own eyes for my mother. The staff said the medications have some bad side effects and can effect the appetite. You might want to rethink her medications especially medication for Alzheimer's whether they are really doing her any good.

So sorry about your Mom! My husband deteriorated quickly, too.. I have an alcoholic husband who is slowly letting himself die. He has had maybe 4 ounces of food in a month and a half. He has alcoholic gastritis and IBS, so it's very painful when he eats. He exists on vodka, water and ginger ale. I keep wondering how he can continue to live this way.. I know what you are going through.. ((hugs))

I'm so sorry about your Mom. This is a difficult time and my heart goes out to you. 

As mentioned above, everyone is different and hospice can best advise you. But in case it helps, here is a rough timeline of what I experienced with my Dad :

4-6 weeks prior to passing, Dad started having trouble swallowing. Eating, but was changed to a mostly soft/liquid diet and intake slowly lessened.

2 weeks prior, he was consuming about the equivalent of 1-2 Ensure, and sometimes not every day. At this point he became extremely weak and very hard for me to maneuver alone, and then became bed-bound.

2 days before he passed, Dad suddenly had a good day. I was hopeful. Apparently a last good day close to the end is common, and should be treasured if it occurs.

The next day, he became non-responsive. There was no food or water intake, and the next afternoon he passed.

Like you, I during this time I worried about his intake and didn't want him to suffer. Hospice mentioned people who aren't moving around a lot also don't burn a lot of calories. It can also be more harmful than helpful to eat at this time, so don't force it.

I'll pass along a suggestion from my Dad's oldest friend: Offer your Mom something she really, really loves. Don't force it, but it might give her a bit of pleasure.

My Mom survived 16 days without food or water. She was unable to swallow anymore after a stroke. Dying is an individual thing. No one can predict. My heart goes out to you. Hospice can guide you and make her final moments peaceful.

Alzheimer's, dementia & most memory impairments are so unpredictable. Yes, there are stages of the disease & we are told symptoms for each of those stages but that doesn't mean our loved one will have each & every one of them at that stage. The progression of the disease is not the same for everyone either, there's no rhyme or reason to it all.

It does seem though that our loved ones don't fare well with change; consistency, routine & structure works. They do so much better with the same old/same old of everything.

I am sorry about your mom and what you are both going thru. Illness & disease affects everyone, mentally & physically at times. Please do not put blame on yourself.

It sounds like you are providing the best medical care, yet, I would question any medication changes also, they can create havoc, so many side effects. You may want to consider withdrawing meds, especially ones not really needed. Some memory care facilities strive to lessen or eliminate meds all together. It's all about their comfort, the new normal.

Stay strong & focused. Be in your mom's corner, caring & loving. Blessings 🌸

When you talk w here give her permission to step into heaven. I told my mom in her last breaths she was going home. As she believed heaven was her home.

I agree with "mlface"! My Mom didn't have alzheimers but she was having seizures and had congestive heart failure. She was in the hospital and I think she'd just gotten tired and wanted to leave this world. I have long thought that sometimes we need to give our loved ones permission to leave us. (I know that some will not agree, but it does provide closure for our loved ones and us, as well.) I gave my Mom permission to leave and join other family members who have gone on. She closed her eyes and never opened them again. She died within the week. She was much loved by our family and many others. I didn't want her to suffer just because she thought she couldn't go and leave me. Mom was a strong, faithful woman! She knew where she was going and who was waiting for her there!