My mom is midway+ through vascular dementia. Same symptoms as Alzheimers, just a different timeline.
Mom lives by herself and she should not be. I was going for several hours 5 days - every week, but my son developed some serious health issues - my focus must be for him. I now go 2 days a week and we have outside help 3 days for 4 hours a day. Brother pops in the evening and sister for a minute on the weekend. Mom does not eat unless I make her and someone sits with her. I am the only one who sits with her. She won't drink unless she is made to.
We have had 2 family conferences with Mom's doctor about the need for placement in a home or having substantially more outside help, but my POA brother will not do it. My sister didn't come to either meeting.
He told me he has seen all of the incidences I have told him about. It makes no difference. He says she is fine for now. NO SHE IS NOT! I have worked for a year to get more help and/ or placement. On mother's day of this year, my brother finally agreed to start the process - however, he was leaving it to me. I told him I cannot start the process - he is POA - he has to do it. Immediately it was a big fat no way. He doesn't want to be the bad guy - but he was willing to let me. Okay. It needs to be done. Her doctor was ready to write the order before the first conference, but couldn't since I am not POA.
The only thing I can do is step back completely and let them take care of everything. I will call Adult Protective Services if they do not act. I will still visit with Mom and check on her, but I will not wait to get into legal trouble because of elder neglect. And that's what will happen if anything happens and Mom ends up in the hospital with injury from a fall, or whatever. It is a matter of time before another fall happens. I don't know if this about preserving what little money she has, or the emotional aspect, or just plain stubbornness. Mom's situation is not good and I am afraid for her safety. Her wellbeing must come before what she or we want.
People being well intentioned is one thing, but your brother is just standing in the way of common sense. I hope the state steps in and he is no longer able to do that. Something is just not right with him, based on what you have reported. It's actually rather bizarre. I mean, who acts so mindlessly, especially when they know that a legal investigation is going to be started and they are the one who is at risk of being found at fault. It boggles the mind.
This almost makes me think he has used some of her money for something, but I saw most her bank statements and nothing seemed amiss. So, except for being a freaking coward and not doing any research, I am at a loss. Oh well. It's all on him and my sister now! Thank you so much for your support and the pats on the back. It was not an easy decision, but one I had to make.
I went to see her this afternoon and she was mean. LOL! She still won't see me, and is still angry. I don't blame her. She will never understand why I have stepped back. She still insists that she does not have dementia and her kidneys are fine. She told me this today! She had the nerve to tell me that the doctor doesn't think she has dementia! Haha! All she thinks is that I want her in a home. Oh well. It is what it is. The three of them can deal with her decline because I will not be a part of it any longer if my siblings won't do what's right by her.
You reap what you sow. My mom is well cared for in a Skilled nursing facility with frequent family visits. My MIL, after a hospitalization and ill advised surgery, had a post surgery stroke, refused rehab and purposefully starved herself to death. This is SO not like childrearing.
I'll keep going over and hope that she'll see me. One of these days she may forget that I'm now her hateful dauhgter. LOL!
Did you make sure the investigator knows all the facts and that she is being fed lies by you mom? Does the investigator know about the health issues? I would think that someone handling Adult Protective services issues have seen things like this before, so they can spot the true situation.
If this is what they do, then APS is worthless. Social worker said she left a pamphlet with my Mom in case she needs any services. What? I will have to keep on her, I guess. I have to make her understand that this was not a physical abuse complaint, but a lack of needed care complaint. She didn't even speak with me, the filer.
APS does not see neglect and abuse because nothing really bad has happened yet. They see a decently dressed, pleasant woman in a home where there is enough food and comfortable shelter. They did not see enough evidence of injury from falls and impaired judgement to act in this case - not "imminent danger" and like most APSs they are swamped with people who are absolutely in imminent danger. If she wears her Life Alert it may not matter that she can't explain what it is.
Yes, there is going to have to be "an event". Sorry that you're going through this.