How long has your LO been in AL or SNF? I’m tired.

It truly can be like a roller coaster of hell!!!! I've been doing it ten years, in my home and boy am I exhausted! I've had similar experience 3 times at least, of where this is it! But it wasn't and that may sound horrible but you never know what to expect or when in the caregiving experience. We all love our family but their comes a point after giving up so much, and going through so much you just wonder when and if your own life will ever be reclaimed and can make plans without worry or interference. I know I've done right nby my mom and love her dearly but I miss me too!! My life and family and how I thought it would be. Time is one thing we never get back unfortunately so we truly have to take it with a grain of salt and know this era in life shall too pass. Hugs and prayers!!

I feel the same way! It’s been 3 yrs in AL for my mom but another 3 at her home with caregivers. I’m the main person monitoring and helping. I wanted to hang in there 100 percent until she passed away to feel like I really gave it my all and have peace. And to give her what she needed. But it does not work that way with some - like us! It’s a dream we have but we have to learn that we cannot control that and once it gets long like this, we have to respond another way. Step back, boundaries and move along with your life, while managing your loved one. It’s about adjusting our caregiving as their disease progresses. Remember, we did not cause their situation, we are just responding to a very difficult, emotional, long lasting situation the best we can. That’s the truth! Don’t let guilt trick your mind!!

PLEASE EVERYONE ---- SPELL OUT THE NAMES, DON'T ABBREVIATE - NOT ALL OF US KNOW WHAT THOSE LETTERS MEAN. THANK YOU.


Now what does LO, AL, and SNF mean? It is pure Greek to me. Please explain.

Loved One

Assisted Living

Skilled Nursing Facility

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE - WE WANT TO HELP BUT WE DO N O T UNDERSTAND WHAT THESE INITIALS MEAN. PLEASE SPELL THINGS OUT. THANK YOU. I KEEP ASKING BUT EVERYONE SEEMS TO IGNORE THE REQUESTS TO SPELL THINGS OUT. VERY FRUSTRATING.

I have a similar but different story. I have known someone for nearly 50 years and have been a Power of Attorney for about 12 - 14 years. I have gone way above and beyond always taking care of multitudes of problems, one issue after another, you name it - with the highest outcomes of success and an angel to everyone who knows what I do and have done. I am dealing with someone who has mental issues (Aspergers and Attention Deficit) - hardest thing I ever did and now I feel like a fool that I ever took on these duties. I always asked and demanded open and complete honesty at all times and as a team, all would be worked out. The decision belonged to the person I take care of and I could only pray he chose the right one. Well, all of a sudden, he has started going behind my back to people who hardly know him and certainly do not know me or have ever met me. I can't go into details but he is doing things that are highly unethical. I would like to say he is not doing anything illegal and he has every right to make his own choices but it is the sneaky way, behind my back, that he is doing things - and I find out months and months later by accident and wonder if he would ever have told me. I have always been able to fix things but this is one time for the first time, he went so above and beyond and has damaged me in the process. I want to walk away and sever my ties but right now I am not in the position of being able to do that because of some financial issues that need to be resolved. Does anyone have experience with old people with mental issues who are easily influenced by strangers and who can literally destroy someone with their insane beliefs. What do you think about how someone like this can be handled. I was told to call Adult Protective Services and have him evaluated but this would make him even worse and he would know it is me I don't know what to do and it is making me sick. He is a weak person and doesn't want to "be controlled by anyone" - yet he is doing things that will cause endless problems and he will be alone and lonely without any family or a single friend if I walk away. I am at the breaking point. Any advice?

Speaking from experiences in a long lifetime, I have finally realized, and much too late, that when we are totally exhausted, burned out, ill, whatever, and we are unhappy and our lives are affected in a negative way, etc., we must stop what we are doing and decide - are we going to allow this to continue or is it time to think of US. When things get bad, and all too often they do with older people, then decide - I will stay and eventually be destroyed or - I will find another solution, probably placement where they can be cared for, and I will have a chance to save my sanity and live my life while I still can. There is no room for guilt and don't ever feel you have to keep doing what you are doing. You must break the cycle and start thinking of you. This is YOUR time to live.

Only a year for my mom so far. I think this is the new normal. With everyone living much older we all need to have a new plan. My grandparents died young. Now we are dealing with aging parents we need to care for plus trying to enjoy important ,moments in our children’s lives like weddings and grandchildren. How do we do it all. My mom is still self pay but I dread the moment Medicaid kicks in. There will be so much involved with that and I’m her only family.