How long do most people grieve the death of a parent?

You're grieving for your loss, it's normal and takes as long as you need, try to accept the loss and allow yourself to be sad, get active at your pace. a grief support group might help sharing your loss. Writing out your memories and your sorrow sometimes can help also, cry, laugh, enjoy your memories.

My dad passed in 2013, he visited me in my dreams again last night but not the sweet older guy he had grown into. This time as the bossy critical dad I grew up with. I still miss him so very much and I really love the guy he had changed into and didn't get to enjoy the older guy for everything he was. Try to enjoy the time you have with him, if he says he will die soon then he is probably right. Will to live or die is strong. Grief is indefinite. Because we loved them and they are gone. Maybe you need a grief support group.

I'm so sorry for your loss of your mother and for your anticipated loss of your dad. I can only imagine the range of feelings you must be having given the wedding and new grand baby coming! For me the chronicity of anticipatory grief has been the hardest. The simple answer is that we are all different and there is no clear time line for grief...it just is what it is. Here are some ways that have helped me over the years. Support Group ( you may want to check with your local hospice); spiritual counseling from your church/synagogue/mosque; seeing a Licensed mental health counselor; talking with your physician about the pros and cons of taking an antidepressant. All those are formal ways to reach out for the support you are describing you need. Informal ways are of great value like connecting with compassionate family members and friends..again it's asking for what you need and want...just like participating in this! Finally, you might simply begin to learn more about depression, loss. There are so many books and online "self help"materials. Please know that I will hold you in my thoughts and prayers

Dear Marciad4: Condolences to you and your family. May your Mother's memory be a blessing.
My suggestions:
1. Get a check up from your PCP.
2. Make an appointment with a Counselor or a Therapist.
There is no real time table with grief. Depression can suck the life right out of you.
Please consider my suggestions.

If you haven't seen this, it is the best talk on grief that I have ever seen. Joe Biden talking to families of fallen soldiers.

You are in a terrible situation. You are grieving for the loss of your mother, for your father's grief and low quality of life, and it sounds like for your father's coming death. There is nothing wrong with feeling totally crappy about all that stuff. Therapy might help. You might feel better when the one year mark passes. (There are no magic timelines, there are reasons why so many cultures mark that year in some way.) I hope you feel better soon. Until then, take care of yourself, get regular sleep, eat well, get exercise, talk to someone, and wait. Trust it will lift.

My heartfelt sympathy to all of you who have lost a parent at any age. The grieving is a process and we all will go through it. I used to think when I was younger that science will figure out a way to keep us all alive and that death was not going to be an issue! My own Mom died 32 years ago and I had to realize that the missing her part would never go away.
Marcia my thoughts are that you are shouldering not only your Mom's death but your fathers illness and his declining health. It is a mental struggle to stay upbeat. You have this constant gloom over you as you are responsible for your father until he passes and you are not happy being the only one who is attending to him.
Make sure that you get some time for yourself. Force yourself to go dancing as it is great exercise . If you need a short nap allow yourself to take it. Make a list of something you want to do each day and do it. Get outside and enjoy the sun.

I can completely understand and empathize with you. My Dad is now in the late stages of Alz and of course no-one knows how long this process will take. Being subjected to watching a loved one go through any stages of death is depressing . Waiting for someone to die does impact your life and you at least recognize it.

My hope is that you realize you will get through this, as we all will face this process. Stay strong .

Hi Marcia

So sorry about your mom. Sage advice above.

One more thing that works: take the body and the mind will follow.

I never understood that but I do now. You like music and dancing. But you don't feel like it? Then take the body dancing--and before long, the mind will want to dance some more.

Take morning walks. You don't FEEL like it--but do it anyway. And your mind will soon feel like doing more.

This works for me every time.

These comments are great. I agree that there is no timetable. My dad died in 1988 and I think about him everyday. Sometimes I am in a situation and I think: What would Dad do? Or my siblings and I will remember a phrase he used or something he did and just laugh because he was a funny guy. But the difference is that these are good memories. And I think that is what happens: you grieve and hurt initially but as time goes on you have good memories to carry you thru. I still miss him but realise that, unfortunately, this is part of life. It happens to all of us. Try to remember the good times and what your parent taught you that you carry in your heart and mind. If you feel it will help, do talk with your doctor or go for counselling. We all need it and it helps to talk with others who have had a similar experience to realize that you are not alone and other people have been thru the same thing.

Marcia I would like to extend my condolences to you I lost my parents as an 11 year old 52 years later I still grieve some days but again it is a personal thing I suggest you take as long as you need and try to think about the happy moments that you shared with your Mother God Bless You!

I'm sorry....I just recalled that you were speaking about your Mom. Of course, my advice is the same---just wanted to extend my sorry for the loss of your Mom.

Memory eternal of your mother. Sounds like my situation. Dad died April 29 of pneumonia, just couldn't shake it. Be joyful that you had your parents as an adult and know it's normal to grieve. don't grieve for your dad now; have joy that he is with you, and keep him comfortable. Prayers.

When you lose a parent whom you really love, as with anyone you really love you never really "get over it" (as Cher said in Moonstruck). It's been about a year since my Dad passed and I'm not "over it" but I have accepted the fact that there's a gaping hole in my life now that I must learn how to deal with. What I suggest is that you think of what types of things your Dad would want for you and try to live your life as a homage to his memory. What would make your Dad proud? What would make him smile? He would want you to be happy so make yourself happy. You don't have to forget him and you never will but it might help to make a specific yearly ritual to honor him---maybe a small memorial service---planting a tree or something special. One of the most comforting things I've heard about death (I'm not sure where--maybe here--maybe somewhere else---is to look at it as graduation. If you are religious as I am, it comforts me to know that my father has "graduated" to a better place. I'm still here on the journey but one day I will be there, too. If you are not religious, you can still find comfort in speaking with a counselor or in striving to live your life to the fullest knowing that life is short and that you've got some great memories to carry you through.

Marciad5, Bless your heart. I am so sad for you and your situation. It is hard. But you will get through it and things will look better and that is important to remember. When you ask how long you should be grieving, in the UK there is a saying "how long is a piece of string?" In other words, it is what it is and no two are the same. You have the right to still be grieving, it will probably always be there to some extent. But you do need to move forward and sometimes that is not possible without help. I agree that you sound like you are depressed and that is not a weakness. It is very common after the loss of a loved one especially if it is unexpected. It can get you stuck in the natural grief process and stop you from moving forward and enjoying your life which I'm sure would make your mother sad. Antidepressants can help you to get perspective. The idea is that they will help reset the chemical balance in your brain re-establishing a more normal balance, and when this is back where it should be you will find it easier to work through your grief in a more natural way. It can be so hard when you know what you need to do but depression is holding you back from doing it. And the sooner it is acted on the better. Are there any bereavement support groups local to you? Those are often very helpful as well. And talking to family about the wonderful times etc. Like pamstegma said it is important to think about positive things. Bless you.

I had a very living Aunt. She was my chamopion and my best friend. It is two and a half years later and I am finally able to incorporate the memory of my past relationship with her into my current life. I do not believe there is a timeline on these matters. I can only say that the more deeply the significant the person was in your life, the more diverse the adjustment can be made to not having then there. Give yourself whatever time you need to adjust. It will soon fall into place.
Many hugs.

Marciad, discuss this with your MD as soon as possible. I lost my mother when I was ten. Grief was a big black hole. I had to teach myself to redirect my own thoughts, consciously seek pleasant memories. If you don't the hole just sucks you in. Meds can help, but the biggest way out is to mentally relocate your thoughts to better experiences.

Marciad5, a lot depends on what is the norm within a family dynamics. How one's parents reacted to the passing of their own parents/siblings/etc. My parents would continue on and not make mention, or remember out loud any anniversary of one's passing. So I learned that from my parents.

Thus, when my Mom passed at 98, I was sad on the day she passed, and relieved as her final months quality of life wasn't easy. My Mom had a wonderful long life, so I believe if there was any grieving it started when she started to really age, plus there was resentment that my parents had put this caregiving upon me [only child] which had overwhelmed me. I believe I had no emotion left for after the funeral.

Now my sig other, he comes from a family that grieves daily for a person even if that person passed 50 years ago. I notice that in his grown daughter, too. He marks on the calendar the anniversary of the passing for all his relatives, and his late wife. I know very little about the relatives lives because all he can talk about is the day of the death. How sad someone lives a long life, and all sig other can remember is their death. But that is how his family and relatives were.

Dear Marcia, first off let me say how sorry I am that you lost your Mom last year. I lost my Mom in May of last year.

I am still grieving. I think I will always grieve her death till the day I die. As far as actively grieving I think it's different for everybody. It's dependent on a lot of things. How close you were to your Mom. What kind of support system you have. How busy you keep yourself. etc. etc. In your case because you are also worrying about your Dad's health that makes it even more complicated. I would suggest to you that you allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. For me, this idea that I should be over things by now sometimes makes me feel even worse.

There is no normal when it comes to these things. It also sounds to me like you are suffering from depression brought on by your situation. It wouldn't hurt to go to your doctor and discuss getting a mild antidepressant. Something to tide you over for a while. There is no weakness in that.