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My husband doesn't even know who he is and is eating and drinking less. I try not to force food, water. I do not want to put him in a "rest home"....I have never seen one that I would put a relative. I am the caregiver 24/7 with help from hospice. Their nurses, aides, volunteers and social workers are so much help and they are offering me respite for 5 days. I really need it. He is no company as he doesn't know the decade he is in and he is always talking and planning trips. He also "sees dead people". But it seems to me that he is quite strong. I don't wish him gone, I just would like to see him have peace. He doesn't seem to know he has a left side that is paralyzed and insists for as long as 10 to 12 hours at a time that he can walk and I am keeping him from getting out of bed. Then he becomes mean. I am perplexed. Anyone else have a problem like this?

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Dear Nancy,

I'm so sorry, I know this is not an easy situation to be in. Its hard to see our love ones suffer. This is a very difficult question. There are so many factors. My dad seemed to stop eating and drinking for half a year, but too was also very strong. Three years after his stroke it was heart failure that eventually caused his death. He was told he had a heart failure on a Wednesday and died on a Friday. The doctor told him he had 6 months to one year. Maybe check with the hospice nurse, hopefully they can assist you more with this questions. My dad was weakened over all after his stroke. But in my mind, I felt all his new meds also played a role in weakening him as well. It caused him to have no appetite and he almost starved to death. I know there is a lot on your shoulders right now. Thinking of you and hope you can get some respite care to recover a little.
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There is no direct answer to the original question. it reallydepends on the severity. Death can be immediate or the patient may recover to near normality and live a normal life time.
Once someone has experienced a stroke the cause has to be found and treatment to help prevent a recurrence is essential.
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Well, no insurance company will write a policy in their life until after they have survived for 5 years.

Their actuary tables tell them that 95% do not make it that far.
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I see this was posted 2 yrs ago. I'm wondering what's happened since. I exactly in your space here 3 yrs ago. My hubby has since passed. I would love to know about how you are.
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He is home and I have been caring for him since March. He is paralyzed on his left side, but doesn't seem to know this. It isn't easy, but hospice is helping me now. They come every day and bathe him and are very supportive. There is a volunteer who has been "through" this and she comes once a week. I am paying for another person to come and give me a chance to get out. Our local grocery store is delivering my groceries. Everyone has been very helpful, including my family. We are caring for him together. Not easy, but even when you are 80 as I am, it is possible. He is the man I married and I will not forget the better or worse and sickness in health. I just pray that I am able to keep him at home. He is "seeing his dead relatives" and when he sees his mother, he will go. She was the greatest woman I have ever known in my life. A real prayer warrior and loved me more than I deserved. She will come with the Lord to get him soon....maybe not until the end of the year, but it will happen. His physical condition doesn't worry me....I just don't like seeing him this way. This was not our plan for the end of our lives, but we accept it. God will give me the strength I need. Thank all of you for your support. Please, no matter what your religious beliefs, pray with me that I can help him as long as he is with me. Nancy
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Your question is about how long someone in your husband's condition might live. Considering the fact you will be taking him home, I would be concerned with all the work it will require. Who will help you? How many hours will Hospice be in your home? There is no way to know how long he might live after you take him home. I would discuss all the options before I made the decision though.
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Thank you all for your suggestions. This man is very big....well over six feet and though he is getting smaller weight wise, he was about 250 lbs. I always help the aides from hospice with bathing as it is almost impossible to turn him. The only way to get him up is with a hoyer lift. At this point, there really is little I can do for him. I copied and posted the "ten commandments"....as I call them...for Alzheimer's patients. He really doesn't understand much of what is said, so we go along with him and try to distract him or reminisce with him. We have had as many as 10 dead people who are very real to him. So we talk about them when "they visit". It is amusing when he asks if I have enough food to feed all of them. I am enjoying respite....God bless hospice...and will welcome him home on Saturday...though he will swear this is NOT his home. This goes on every day, so I might as well get accustomed to it. One bit of advice I would have for anyone is to find someone you know who needs some money and hire them to babysit. The agencies send just about anybody. I have two lovely ladies who can sit with him while I go out and have gone through hospice with either a husband or relative, so they understand what is going on and just join him in his "party". One is a baseball fan and he never was....she bought him a hat from her favorite team and now they sit and watch her team, wearing their hats. He still doesn't understand baseball, but he loves his hat. Laugh with me my friends. I love this site and am so happy to have found it. I feel so less alone. I can always go here and find someone who is going through some tough times and add them to my prayer list.And I really LOVE...."you can tell you are a care-giver if...." We need the laughs.
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Take care. Dont get too frustrated. Perhaps hospice can help you find a way to help him up and stand for a few minutes. Gait belt or other device. If you get him moving a bit some way, maybe he will settle down more. Maybe that would backfire too.
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Nursing facilities are different from decades ago. Not to say you should put him in one, but do take a friend or relative, and find a few near you, say within 5 - 15 miles. Take a tour of these places, talk with an admittance director, and be open minded. If you see a resident with a family visitor, ask that family member how long the loved one has been there, and how are the staff? How does it look? Any dirty linens laying around? Does it smell like urine? Do the residents look like they are being taken care of properly? Sometime the directors will invite you to have lunch in the dining hall to see how the food is. What happens if you need more help? It wouldn't hurt to look. My friend took me around to have me see a few places for my mother... It is hard, very hard. I ended up finding a 6 pack, 2 caretakers and 6 residents in a private one story house that is set up for geriatric people. It's just minutes away from me....
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Dont' take your husbands reactions personally, he can't help it. Does your husband tell you of any conversations with these "dead people"? Has the physical therapist showed you how to exercise your husband's left side to help him gain any kind of movement? Sometimes it may help. Ensure has a new fruity type protein drink. It is pretty good, and I believe it has around 9 grams of protein. I guess you can add thickening agent to almost any juice or drink.. If you cannot get him to eat or drink, you may want to have his throat re-evaluated..
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Having more than one family member suffering from a stroke, and the news stating that statins, like Lipitor is a "no-brainer", everyone should be on it, I am now taking my doctor seriously and am taking my Lipitor to keep my cholesterol in check...Stroking out is no fun, and yes, these drugs can help prevent it...It'sa good thing I have been stock piling them.. My friend said they are no good if the just sit in the bottles, I actually need to take them in order for them to do anything...I guess she is right.
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Perhaps he isn't aware of the severity of the stroke. Are they giving him any kind of therapy, physical, occupational, speech therapy? Maybe you can pull out some old photos of trips you two have been on and recall special moments. At this point, it doesn't matter what decade he thinks. If he can still talk, bring up happy moments. Can he swallow? we had to put my relative on "thickened water" to avoid choking or going down the wrong throat. This was determined by a speech therapist? I can't remember, but food had to be custard thick, and not too runny.... I think rite Aide had the thickening agent for water. The stroke affected the throat for a few weeks so she couldn't swallow correctly. Thickened water doesn't sound good so I got some Mios Energy drops or other flavor drops to make it taste better. The thickening agent was basically corn starch....
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When you get your respite, which I assume is very very soon, ask the hospice staff to evaluate him for stronger sedation. That is what I would do for a loved one at death's door who is upset and angry.

It is soooo hard. Good thoughts coming your way...
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