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I am the only caregiver for my 60 year old father. He is in end stage COPD in the active dying phase. He hasn't had anything to eat or drink in about 4 days because he isn't conscious enough to swallow. He is less than 60 lbs. Last night he started the terminal secretions and Cheyne Stokes breathing. Then the terminal agitation, trying to get out of bed, yelling, asking for help to get up. I called hospice and they upped his meds which helped a lot and I was able to get a few hours sleep. He gets bouts of severe hiccups. His hospice nurse said this is all normal, but gives no indication of how long it will go on for. After caring for him since July 30 I am exhausted. There is no one I can ask to help, not really. In the state he is in it would take what dignity he has left for someone else to see him like this. If my brother takes off from work to help he doesn't get paid and he has 3 little kids to take care of and his wife is out of work (she is not an option for help as I would loose whats left of my sanity!) It would just help me if y'all could share how long you dealt with this, since I know there is no way to know for certain.

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HUGS. I have no answer, I wish I did.
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No drinking will be a matter of a couple more days. The irregular breathing is a sign. If he has rails on a hospital bed and you are confident that he will not crawl out, take a couple of hours to step outside. When my 63 year old brother was at that state, every friend who stayed over were able to sleep all night. I did a couple of those nights and for most off the day, I could quietly work in the kitchen.
I took care of many dying patients in a hospital. If hiccups do not wake him and he is comfortable, then he is OK. Sometimes the last dying breath comes out as a cry. Do not be alarmed, the final moments can be a reflex and does not indicate pain.
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If you are having a hard time dealing with your fathers dying process, please ask hospice to take him to their hospice facility where they will take over 100%. Their facility is covered 100% under your fathers Medicare and it is included in his hospice care. Upon your request, they must take him there.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this, but it will be over soon.
May God bless you and your father.
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Overthinkingit, did you get a chance to read the answers to this other question you had written? https://www.agingcare.com/questions/struggling-with-being-my-dads-caretaker-who-is-on-an-end-stage-copd-rollercoaster-of-symptoms-any-ad-477262.htm
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Overthinkingit Sep 2022
I did. Now that he is in the active dying stage, rather than pre-active my question for this post is more directed at how long the process has taken in others experiences so that i know what to expect.
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Ask for more help from hospice for yourself, Overthinking. They're there for you, too. There is respite care in the home so you can get a little breather.

With a terminal lung disease, pain control relaxes the patient so things are not so intense. There is always more that can be done. Ask for the help.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
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I am so sorry and the truth is that this cannot go on long if the terminal breathing continues in this manner. It seems to me that your father is not being well enough medicated. This is likely because medications further suppress his breathing, but Hospice does understand, and you should as well, that medications now are crucial for comfort and that is whether or not they hasten death by some few hours, days, or even weeks. Speak with Hospice about medications. He should now be medicated so he cannot arouse to the level even of dreaming, for his own sake. I am so very sorry.
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Overthinkingit Sep 2022
The nurse came today with more meds for him so now he is resting peacefully and I have been able to sleep. Thank you.
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