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Dad's memory is horrible. He takes his medicine 1/2 the time (thyroid & a acid reducer) and isn't eating well. I make him sandwiches and a roast with veggies and buy snack food for him. He eats the sandwiches, forgets the roast is there and snacks on mostly meats (Costco chicken, hot dogs, salami, etc). Of course, he has his 12 pk of light beer every day. He'd rather fill up on beer than eat. He is sleeping more during the day but that could be because he takes a sleeping pill at night. He shuffles his feet when walking and talks about dying all day long. My husband and I are exhausted dealing with him and his properties. We have been repairing a mobile home on his property (rental) every weekend for the past 4 months. He cannot remember how to do repairs; he used to build houses doing it all himself (plumbing, electrical, construction, etc). How long can he last this way? I feel guilty that I want this over. He is very stubborn and doesn't want any help except from us. No hired help (no lawn guys, no cleaning lady). I'm so tired.

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Just a comment on the potential investments. Stay away from annuities; it isn't unheard of for less than scrupulous financial pros to try to steer older people into annuities. The withdrawal penalties in the event of a financial emergency make these products inappropriate,

Mutual funds can be withdrawn easily and might be an option though.

And think over whatever any financial planner advises and make your own decisions.
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Janny, I see from your profile that your Dad has memory issues, and that you've been a member of the forum for a year or so.

May I ask who is purchasing the 12 packs of beer that your Dad has every day? Does your Dad still drive?

How long can your Dad last that way? I have a feeling the Alzheimer's/Dementia isn't going to create a crises, but the beer drinking will as it has a heavy impact on ones system. Your Dad has insomnia, mental confusion, loss of coordination, doesn't want to eat... all side effects from over use of beer.

And it is time for you and hubby to stop helping with all the house and lawn work. At time we tend to enable our parent to keep up their lifestyle while we have to change our own. Of course your Dad won't hire a lawn guy, he has your hubby... of course your Dad won't hire a cleaning crew, he has you.
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I just wrote on another thread that taking care of an older person can be like herding cats. We can know what would be best and make sense, but they are going to do what they want to do. A bad thing about this is that we have to deal with the fallout of their bad decisions. Before you sell his house, I agree with you that I would try to come up with a way to shelter the money from impulsive spending. I don't know how you could do that. Maybe something as simple as a mutual fund would work. Some of the bond funds are relatively safe and can be tapped into in 4-5 days. Most pay a monthly interest rate. An account could be set up online so that the POA has the password, but Dad can't access it. It could continue to earn some money each month that way.
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Your profile says that your dad has dementia. So, are you asking how long he will be in this phase? There is no may to know that, but generally, people with dementia are not able to live alone except in the early stages.

I'd be extremely concerned with a dementia patient being in charge of taking their own meds, especially sleeping pills. He could forget that he already took it and take it again. That is very risky, IMO. I'd discuss his physical symptoms and medication issues with his doctor.

It's likely that eventually, you will not only be taking care of his properties, but of him as he progresses. Eventually, the person is not able to care for any of their needs, including bathing, toileting, feeding etc. I'd discuss it with your husband and see an Elder Law attorney. Do you have Durable POA and Healthcare POA? I would think you would need those things in order to care for him and his affairs/properties.
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I have to agree, his main problem is the beer. A 12 pack a day, every day? Seriously? "Lite" beer is still alcohol, I don't doubt he has enough permanently in his system that he is impaired when he drives to the store, and you say he has alzheimer's too. Are you waiting for him to run over a little kid before you get him off the road?
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The answer is that it can go on a long time. My mother has had a shuffling gait for over 10 years now. She has vascular dementia. She has been confusing her medications and showing poor judgment for over 10 years, as well. I've learned that there is really no way to know how long she will live, but what I can do to make it easier. This is mainly doing the simple things that have to be done daily -- medication management, meals, transportation, cleaning. It is very time consuming, but it is something that needs to be done. How long it will last, I don't know. It will go on until she dies or goes into a nursing facility.
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I think you are to the point that many of us are with stubborn elders who are not quite totally incompetent but refuse help. I think you're doing about all you can at this point, and yes, it will probably take a crisis to force the issue of in home or facility care.

And I agree, don't move in with him or move him in with you. You lives would be over for God only knows how long. You may have already done so, but try and get all the legal and financial stuff in order, will, POA, end of life directives and all the rest.
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It's tough when the person is not operating safely, but yet they resist. I do feel your pain. I've been in a similar situation, but not as severe as yours. Sadly, with my loved one, the health took a sharp turn downward and that required her to get medical attention, then the doctor saw the mental decline, got on board and we were able to get her placed. But, it did take a fall, fracture, unpaid bills, cancelled insurance, etc. I would look into whether car, home and medical Supplemental insurance is caught up.

Tip for leaving food. I learned to wrap the dish in clear plastic so she could see the food. Anything covered with foil or lid she would not see or think to look underneath and it would go to waste.

I do hate to say that often a severe decline or crisis is needed in order to have the person in a position that you can help them.
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Oh, I wanted to add. I would double check all that your dad is saying. Often they are not providing accurate information. They may say they took meds, but they did not. They may claim that they bathe...not really. They forget or are confused about many things, so I would inspect and verify all his contentions.
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12 pack of beer a day. No memory and drives himself to the store. You go EVERY WEEKEND to repair his property?

What advice would you give someone elso who reported those facts to you?

I'd call APS and report him as a vulnerable adult.
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