How long can Mom visit?

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Mom has a professional fiduciary. In a Feb, 2013 quarterly summary her case manager said "She is likely in moderate dementia." In a Jun, 2013 quarterly summary, her case manager said "She continues to do well, is happy and generally in good health, although her dementia is progressing." Mom has been placed with one of my siblings and has been there for 10-months, after having spent 16-months with another sibling. Prior to this sibling hostile takeover, I had been Mom's "right hand" for everything for a very, long time - years. I haven't seen Mom in more than 2-years, primarily due to litigation. (Way to many details to get into!) I want to have her stay with me for 6-weeks. Case manager recommends 10-days. After providing her with information she didn't have, the case manager now says "Your mother has a routine, which is also flexible to accommodate her, as mood or willingness also fluctuate."

Any thoughts on this? Thank you for your input.

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As a nurse and social worker, I agree with the case mgr. Patients with dementia get horribly disoriented if their routine is interrupted, and frankly I feel 10 days is even too much. My mother visited me for just two hours and became disoriented when we went downstairs for the car. I have also been through four siblings who fought with me over mother's care for years, it ended up in court, and fortunately I had a great judge who usually sided with me and discounted their false allegations. It ended with mother dying, the nursing home calling me and I got to call the co-guardians. In the end the nursing home recognized I saved her from two hospice sentences, and I went over almost every day to feed her. This is an awful disease, and one which takes its toll on everyone. But, your main focus should be your mother and not what YOU want. She will not benefit by having her routine disrupted and she might decline even further, so make sure you are asking for visitation for the right reasons. I'm sorry you have to experience this disease, but know you will be serving her best by keeping her put...
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What she is not saying is that moving Mom may trigger adverse events. Just as toddlers won't sleep in a hotel room, mom may wake up and be terrified. In two years, dementia will have progressed considerably. You can expect to spend the entire visit without sleeping at night. Don't be surprised if after 3 days she wants to go back.
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I would agree to the 10 day visit. After she is with you for about 7 days I would ask the case manager for more time. Either an extension on this visit or scheduling a second visit for a longer time period.

When setting all this up ask about her routine and what you can change from and what you cannot. With my MIL some change from her routine can cause some really bad days. Other things do not seem to matter. Either way the more you work with the Case manager (respect on both sides) the more likely you will get what you want - within reason of course. I'm assuming you have a reasonable case manager and minimal crazy drama.
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