She is swelling in her legs and neck. At night she talks about the devil is chasing her. She also talk to our dad who has been dead for 29 years and to my daughter who is still living. She has bowel movements and doesn't know it. She is in rehab but she can barely walk. Should she be going threw this ?
Because, to get to your main question, I think if you have a look at the information aimed at patients you will be able to tell more clearly whether or not you think it is something your mother could understand, that might then help her to be a more co-operative patient. But the other thing I think you should do is sit down in private with her medical team and fully discuss your mother's options. I think somebody - yes, both Pam and Veronica, who really know their stuff - mentioned hospice. If you tell the team that your mother wants to go home to be looked after, with hospice care this could be a possibility.
I'm sad to say this, but the reality is that your mother would be going home to die. The better side of it is that she would be made comfortable and peaceful, with no stressful medical interventions. Now, whether or not your mother can understand that, and how she would react to it (she could be upset, but she might be relieved - without knowing her, how can we say?), that's something only you and your sister between you can decide.
Of course you don't have to drop the information on her from a great height, all in one go. You can answer specific questions simply and truthfully, but with tact. For example, when she can't understand why she can't get up on her own, you can tell her that she is seriously ill (true) and that there is too much water in her body's tissues (also true), which are making her weak. You don't have to add more detail than she's actually asking about.
Just a note on CPR. An ethical doctor will not carry out CPR on a patient unless it is in the patient's best interests, DNR or no DNR. CPR is a violent, frightening and painful procedure with a low success rate. To attempt it on a very sick lady of 90, whose dementia means she could not understand what was being done to her, would be cruel as well as futile. We tend to feel, when we're looking after someone we love, that we should try our hardest to keep that person alive no matter what; and so unless we insist on CPR we worry that we're not doing all we can. It's very hard, but it's really important to be logical. CPR is horrible AND it's very unlikely to work. This is not something you want to be your mother's last memory on earth. If her doctors say no, you should listen to them.
If it is in your power I would discontinue any active treatment such as dialysis or investigations down to not having a chest x-ray if she has pneumonia and even electing not to give antbiotics for that. If not hospice have her on comfort care only and discontinue as many medications as possible. No need to treat high cholesterol or osteoporosis for example. Her comfort consists of medications for anxiety,pain nausia, acid reflux, constipation or diarrhea, not sleeping, diuretics (water pills) possibly anti coagulants, although they can be stopped. Anti diabetic drugs as long as her blood sugars are normal (if she has diabetes) definitely talk to Hospice and they will offer advice about what course of treatment is best for Mom. Whatever you do don't take on her care single handed that is a trap many find themselves caught in. Blessings
Rehab will only last for a few months. Then she will move to a Nursing Home.
Should she go through this? Seems a bit inhumane to me. I would be asking about Hospice care.
The initial question - how long - is something we all wonder, one way or another. I'm not sure there are ever any reassuring answers.