Hello all, it's been a very rough year. My mom made the decision to stop dialysis and she passed away in March. I found out I was pregnant a month later. My paternal grandmother passed in late October, followed 8 days later by my maternal grandmother (who lived alone and whose estate I am now working to settle with the very limited help of my half brother), Paternal grandmother left my grandfather behind, who is actually completely illiterate and requires help with his medicine, appointments, and paying bills. He is 79 years old and very bullheaded, myself and my fiance are the only people who he will allow to help with anything. He also lives an hour away from me. I am the only family he has left besides a couple of elderly sisters and a few estranged cousins. I am sitting here, 17 days away from baby's due date, wondering how in the world I am going to be able to help him once I have the baby. Shoot, I can barely help him now. An hour's car ride with a baby sitting on my bladder is nearly impossible. And I know I can't take the baby back and forth in the freezing cold once he's here. Grandfather is currently in the hospital for what they think is his 5th heart attack in the last 6 months because he refuses to settle down. I am at my wits end, everyone. I feel so alone and so overwhelmed, and so does grandpa. I cannot put him in a home, I just watched my mom die in a home this year and I won't do that. But I am not sure of any home health programs that are actually affordable for an elderly man who already struggles to pay his bills? I appreciate any ideas guys thank you.
Secondly, call + followup in writing to Grandpa's Doctor stating same.
Thirdly, same for any hospital admission for Grandpa. Ensure you get the message across so an accurate picture of his home support level is understood.
Try not to feel you are leaving/dumping Grandpa. You will find it takes more that one parent to raise a child, a village of helpers is needed. It's the same when we age. I am sure you are an amazing, loving person - but you are (like all of us) one person, with two hands. So build your teams!
Very best of health & enjoyment for this special time.
As for grandpa, it would not be wise or healthy to have him join your household. Any mom can tell you that you won't get any sleep or a hot meal for another 5 years!! Why make that worse by taking in a bullheaded, illiterate old man ?(your words, not mine)
You are already struggling with pregnancy, profound loss, and the effort of settling an estate. Maybe down the road a few years you can reconsider taking him into your home, but now isn't the right time for making such an important decision. Attorneys advise people NOT to make big, life changing decisions for a year after losing a spouse. The same advice can work in your situation.
Grandpa has been released from the hospital back to his own home. Accept that, and don't feel responsible for anything he does (or refuses to do) concerning his own health and well being. Share these ideas here with him about getting care and let this fiercely independent man be fiercely independent. That's what he chooses. He won't be happy living under your roof with your rules. And there would have to be rules.
Prepare yourself for bringing your baby into a loving home with a peaceful atmosphere. That is the best thing for you, baby, fiance and Grandpa.
And keep reading this forum. Lots of people post about moving elderly relatives into their homes.
Best of luck to you all.
You have been given very good advise. Read it, then put it away and enjoy the baby for awhile. When you re read it a second time it won't seems so overwhelming to you. Have faith you will be making the right decisions for you and your grand dad.
Breath, Breath and Breath
Wishing all the best for all concerned.
Delegate every task that you can safely delegate to anyone that you safely can delegate it to.
Can you ask a trusted neighbor to pick up a few groceries/prescriptions when they go out? Instacart and other services are a lifesaver. You might be surprised how helpful people are willing to be once a need is known. Many people want to help, but don’t know what is needed.
The old adage is true••A closed mouth doesn’t get fed!” Please don’t be afraid to ask for help. And remember, not every task has to be done today!!
Please don’t forget to take care of YOU!! Best wishes!!