Her doctor has diagnosed with her dementia; she has no short term memory. Her house in Florida was flooded and is uninhabitable. My brother and I live in SC and we took her in in July to take care of her. We take turns, but it is taking a toll on our own family. She has stopped making mortgage payments. She refuses to talk with us about the house and turns mean and yells at us that everything is all right and is paid off, then 15 minutes later she says she's sorry and that I need to stay out of it; everything has been paid off. She tears up important documents my brother mails to us for her ( her mail is going to his house). She has high blood pressure and is on medication; there are many days she will not take a shower or bath unless we make her. I am afraid to take her to her house in Florida as she refused to leave the last time we were there (in July when the house was flooded). When we went to the VA, the police asked my husband to take her home because she refused to listen to anyone. We are at our wits end. Please help.

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If her doctor will document that she needs to be declared an incapacitated person, you need to file for guardianship and get her out of the decision making, responsible postition. You have to do what is in her best interests if she is no longer able. Get the doctor's statement that her dementia has left her that incapacitated and file for guardianship.

Do as much as you can in the meantime. People will help you as much as they can if you have a copy of the doctor's statement and have filed for guardianship.

If she is unable to make decisions and you are willing to be responsible- don't let her make any any more decisions.
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Is there some way you could get her to sign a Power of Attorney and a Health Care Proxy if you do not already have one in place? These will be essential in managing her affairs now and in the future. The only other route as far as I know is to file for guardianship through the courts and this will cost money and time.

Is she on any medication to help with the dementia and mood swings? This might help. It did with my mother and my MIL. They can become agitated requiring a medical intervention - this is quite common. I would not take her to the house in Florida as she will want to stay. We had this problem when my MIL came to live with us and could not ever take her back to her home as it would have been impossible to get her to leave. This is so sad, isn't it? But, it is what happens when life circumstances change.

You need these legal documents to accomplish anything. Perhaps her doctor has some suggestions as to what could calm her nerves. Hugs to you and take care.
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