I’m not necessarily looking for advice, but just wondering if I’m alone or if others have felt the same way. My father (74) really went downhill in the last 5 years with his dementia. He is at the point where he doesn’t know his children and he has moments where he doesn’t know my mom. Most of what he says now doesn’t make any sense. He gets incredibly agitated about things, like when his grandkids are loud or if there’s a mess of toys left on the floor. When he leaves the house, all he talks about is going back home. He’s completely limited my mom in her life, she’s still very healthy and social and she still works, but I’ve noticed that she seems very down lately.
Anyways, my sister and her family and my family have done joint vacations for the last few years and my sister made a comment like, “hopefully dad will pass away soon and then mom can come on our vacation with us next year.” My husband seemed very taken aback by that comment and thought my sister and I were callous in “wishing” my dad would die. However, to us, it’s like he’s already died. There is nothing about him that is the same except every once in a while his sense of humor will come out, but he doesn’t have any concept of his family or of the life he’s lived. It’s taken an incredible toll on my mom and she needs to be able to move on with her life. I would never, ever want to make someone feel like a burden for being alive but I just want my family to be able to move on. It’s difficult to talk to my husband about because he thinks I’m being mean, but honestly, I already feel like I’ve processed the loss of my dad.