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I am caring for my 94 year old mother at home. She has severe dementia. She recently recovered from RSV for which she was hospitalized for a week. While in the hospital she suffered devastating hospital induced delirium and had to be in bed restraints day and night. I will not do this to her again. Her dementia has worsened since the hospitalization.


As her caregiver, if I contract corona virus there is every reason to expect she will get it as well. I am mentally preparing that this will probably end her life. Another horrifying trip to the ER for her and then hospitalization will be pointless and cruel. Love my mom and can’t do this to her again.


Have any of you given this any thought?

Yes, I care for 100 YO mom at home.  She is already on oxygen.   I limit my contact with others.  I work at home (on computer).  I have cut out optional trips out (no manicures for me).   I order food in, they leave it on the porch.   I keep Purcell at the front door -- but the only ones who come over are the caregiver and my DD, who know to wash hands when they walk in the door.
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Reply to FloridaDD
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I'm prepared, but I'm always prepared. Isn't that part and parcel of being a caregiver for the elderly? I fully expect to wake up one day and someone will be dead. I can only hope they go quietly in their sleep instead of dying in pain in a hospital.
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scatter195 Mar 15, 2020
Agreed, just wanted to provoke some thought for those who may believe its best to rush an elderly person into the ER for this type of virus.
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Yes and definitely yes! I'm in a similar situation as you. Caring for my 94 year old mother who has Dementia, COPD, diabetes and bursitis. I also have COPD, emphysema and cancer now in remission 30 years as well as a back injury. Any person over 60 who has pre existing conditions is at more risk than a healthy 60 or 70 year old. I'm trying my best to thoroughly clean surfaces in my home after going into a store which everyone is forced to do eventually. If i have symptoms, the only advice given to me by my pharmacist is to contact my PC Doctor. There still is no word on testing sites or kits to be found any where in my city. The shortages in hand sanitizer, toilet paper and even thermometers had me searching on Amazon and Ebay. Even in these websites there is price gouging. A case of toilet paper costs 96.00. That's for cost of item and shipping so outrageous! Even lysol products have diminished from the shelves at my local Walmart. This is a very serious situation we are all facing. My mother has her primary nurse practitioner come here to our home for monthly checkups. All of this makes the impact of this virus much more dangerous or even fatal for the elderly and unhealthy senior citizens. I'm only doing what the WHO has been advising. Washing my hands and distancing myself 4 to 6 feet from people restricting touching facial features as well. Currently I've have a slight sinus confection and am taking 12 hour sudafed everyday. Until the government issues free coronavirus testing kits or sites, we are in the dark. Much prayers are needed for healing of those who are already infected. I think it may still get worse before it gets better. If i get infected all i can do to help my mother is isolate myself in my bedroom, wear latex gloves and a facial mask luckily i bought these items 2 months ago. Prayers to you and all other caregivers who are seniors caring for a sick elderly parent. Faith in God to expell fear is a good prayer as we go about our daily lives as beat as we can.
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Katie22 Mar 16, 2020
The toilet paper gouging is ridiculous. I will wash each time if I have to, or use kleenex and throw them in a wastebasket and throw the bag out, as on a boat, so that the pipes don't get clogged. I will do this before spending ridiculous amounts on TP. The gouging is awful to be doing to people at this time..
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Thank you for this thread. We will be doing the same as FloridaDD is doing. Our 93 YO father has CHF. Caregivers, hospice nurse and bath aide, my sister and me. We will be out of Purell soon. We will not subject our father to a visit to the ER at this time. We will adhere to his wishes regarding extraordinary measures.
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Reply to usamurray
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Oh yes I have come to terms with this already. It is heartbreaking. My mother was in the hospital for ten days about one month ago. I will not take her to the ER to be exposed any further. I am taking care of her at home and doing everything in my power to keep this virus away from all of us, especially my mother. Washing hands frequently, wiping down surfaces frequently, spraying with Lysol. washing hands before and after caring for my mom. Granddaughter is second in command. I do have to go shopping and I am a little nervous about it. I was impressed with Costco's the staff was wiping down all the carts, wipes were available at the entrance and at the registers hand sanitizer was available. We are all doing our part and hoping all caregivers and family stay safe and healthy. Wishing all of you good health.
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Reply to earlybird
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I am in the same situation my mom is 92 this year, LBD she has a statement DNR,
she also has a very bad heart condition, should have a valve transplant but this would be the end of her. So it is not good.
Her mind is totally gone, she drives me insane she has no understanding of reality. She has no memory at all, last night I put her to bed as she said she wanted to sleep, 3 minutes later she is yelling help help I got to get home my mother doesn’t know where I am. This goes on 24 hours a day. We have no peace till she falls asleep. I do admit I ignore most of her yelling because when I ask her what she wants it’s always I got to go home. So no, I will not be visiting the hospital with her. I may sound heartless but the end would be a blessing.
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scatter195 Mar 17, 2020
I’m right there with you! This is my situation as well. I agree the end will be a blessing for her.
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Scatter, this is called palliative care.

Several years ago, 2 years into my mom's NH stay due to dementia,CHF and a broken hip, my mom ended up in Septic shock in the hospital. Although she survived, it was clear at that point that every hospitalization set her back several steps. We started practicing "less is more" care and signed off on the NH not sending her to the ER any longer without consulting us.

They successfully treated two more bouts of pneumonia and a UTI "in house" before she died.

I think you are doing the right thing.
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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Ahmijoy, Unfortunately, so many people still refuse to acknowledge the threat of a pandemic, including the one we're in now.   I don't know what it will take for them to see the light.   

You have my sympathy, being "between a rock and a hard place."

Some thoughts:

How old are the children in day care?  Are they old enough to comprehend being sick, and to understand what it means?   Are they old enough to read?

What activities are planned for them?

My thoughts are to conduct your own education program; even if the children aren't able to educate their parents, you may be able to instill in them some cautions, as well as increase protection at the day care center.

You could start with what it means to be sick, to be very sick, how they feel about it, and what they do at home to protect themselves.

Then institute a program of cleanliness, starting with each child washing hands on arrival, and after touching each other or objects of potential transference.

I doubt if the parents would comply, but you (or whoever owns the day care) could institute a requirement that children bring a small bottle of hand sanitizer from home, for their own use at the facility.

Daily go through the repetition of cleanliness, safety, covering mouths when coughing or sneezing, and other preventative tactics.

If they read, and/or if they're computer literate, ask them to find articles on safety during pandemics, then have the children read their articles and discuss them as a group.  (This may be too challenging if they're younger children though.)

My thoughts are that notwithstanding parental ignorance, you might be able to train the children and at least possibly reduce some practices which could contribute to better hygiene in the day care center, and thus possibly reduce some element of risk. 

OTOH, I think that sooner or later smaller businesses are going to be shutting down, and there is that possibility.   I'm not trying to be discouraging, just cautioning you to consider that option.
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Reply to GardenArtist
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I have very similar experiences in the past and brought my mom home against all doctors' opinions; she started improving the very same day she got back home.
I'm with you 100%.
13 years later, I feel like we are living a similar nightmare with this virus.
As BarbBrooklyn says, I think you took the right decision; if I may add something, go into self-isolation asap. It's hard. But I really think the sooner the better. You'll be both fine :)
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Reply to Arwen31
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Thanks for your responses. I guess we all know the lay of the land, best wishes to all of you in your unique situations.
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