What are some of the ways your relationship has changed since parent/in-law moved in? How did you address the added stresses and pressures so you were both happy and not resentful?
I’m blessed by having a supportive and caring husband. Another huge blessing was my dad’s rule of his own making—none of his adult children could live with him and he would not live with any of us. He remained firm on this, said he’d seen it ruin too many relationships. I’ll always be grateful for my husband and the wisdom of my father
Personally, my answer is that no parent is living with us -- or ever will. We are both still working, have local kids and grandkids and are very engaged at our church as elders. We work hard to make sure that our seniors (3 of them for which we are PoA) are in the best care situations as possible. "As possible"... without them literally living with us. Sometimes living with an adult child is not the best situation because it is a sterile environment and it puts too much pressure on that family and marriage. It's suffocating, and resentment builds. There are other options. Your spouse needs to be willing to consider them before the marriage is ruined, along with your mental and physical health and maybe even finances.
From the OP's profile: "I am 41 years old and am currently helping my s.o. of 7 years care for his mother. She had dementia before her heart attack on Easter but it's gotten worse. She got out of nursing home 5 days ago and constantly asks to go home."
Has she been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist for meds for agitation?
Are you still able to work?
Caregiving only works if it works for both the caregiver and the dependent.
If you are asking this question I do hope this woman has funds to eventually be placed in a facility . This will only get worse due to her dementia .
The geriatrician I used for my mother told me that more often than not it becomes too difficult for family to care for a parent with dementia . As the parent regresses they often see you as a child again and resent being told what to do . Or in other cases it’s just the day to day caregiving , wandering at night , incontinence , watching them decline , falls , etc , feeling trapped in the house that is too much for family .
In the meantime hopefully this woman has money to have some help coming in to give you a break .
I’m no longer a caregiver. My parents are dead. When I was a caregiver it definitely affected my relationship with my husband. I was fortunate that he supported me through my caregiver days but we definitely experienced stress along the way.
Do you have any outside help? It’s necessary to take breaks and have some time away from caregiving.
I don’t think anyone is happy about being a caregiver. It doesn’t matter how much we love our parents, it’s still hard to be responsible for their care.
Does your family member have funds to pay for an assisted living facility? If so, go and tour places in your area.
"I am 41 years old and am currently helping my s.o. of 7 years care for his mother. She had dementia before her heart attack on Easter but it's gotten worse. She got out of nursing home 5 days ago and constantly asks to go home."
Has she been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist for meds for agitation?
Are you still able to work?
Caregiving only works if it works for both the caregiver and the dependent.
Is this situation working for you?
If you are asking this question I do hope this woman has funds to eventually be placed in a facility . This will only get worse due to her dementia .
The geriatrician I used for my mother told me that more often than not it becomes too difficult for family to care for a parent with dementia . As the parent regresses they often see you as a child again and resent being told what to do .
Or in other cases it’s just the day to day caregiving , wandering at night , incontinence , watching them decline , falls , etc , feeling trapped in the house that is too much for family .
In the meantime hopefully this woman has money to have some help coming in to give you a break .
Do you have any outside help? It’s necessary to take breaks and have some time away from caregiving.
I don’t think anyone is happy about being a caregiver. It doesn’t matter how much we love our parents, it’s still hard to be responsible for their care.
Does your family member have funds to pay for an assisted living facility? If so, go and tour places in your area.
Wishing you peace.