Our 28 year marriage went thru a financial and emotional adjustment when my 85 year old Mom moved in. I had to quit my job and be the full time caregiver for Mom. Mom needs help in moving around and memory but my husband and I both became caregivers for her so it was something we cannot prepare for. Friendships were affected to since our social life changed alot and we could not go out with couples like we used to since someone had to be home with Mom. Overall we have adjusted and are now better but it was quite a life changing experience. Am asking how everyone dealt with any of these situations. Thank you

I'm pretty lucky in that my friends are very understanding of the fact that my time away from work is pretty much 100% devoted to my mom. They still invite me to things because it makes me feel less left out, but they understand when I say I can't do it. It can't be fun to constantly invite someone and get a no. I appreciate them and their support more than I can ever tell them. The are amazing and listen to me when I need to vent or cry.

As far as marriage, well, I'm single, so I don't have to worry about that part at all.
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Reply to 12LittlePaws

Dear Ahmijoy, my goodness my heart breaks for you. You have alot on your plate caring for your husband, you must care for yourself first. Yes our social life changed but we adjusted. Do you have friends you can go out with while someone watches your husband? You should go on walks, watch funny movies (I watched Bridesmaides last week and could not stop laughing) you need to nurture your strength in this stressful situation, get out at least 1x a week for you, a movie, comedy show, something. Sending you prayers and hugs for a better out come. VERY proud of how you are dealing with this. Caring for someone is a selfless act that not many can do but it shows the level of strength you have in doing that so God Bless you. Wishing you all the best, hugs to you
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Reply to Helen323

My mom and dad moved in with us after mom had a health crisis and dad's ALZ was too much for her to handle. Dad passed 3 years ago,, and mom is now showing signs of memory loss. About the time dad passed hubs lost his job, and since I had the much higher paying job and benefits he has stayed home to "babysit" her ( her term) and take care of our properties. I was blessed to have several friends who had been down this road before, and they have been my saviors. Look and see if you have any friends who have been there.. you may and not know it. My hubs also has drama with his dad who lives with BIL ( or should I say BIL lives with him,,, long story) Hubs is often angry about both situations.. but we talk it out and we know at 89 and 94 this won't last forever, although it may feel like it. We were never "go out" people, and our dear friends are happy to come here and have dinner, etc. Keep your spirits up as best you can.., it's a hard road
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Reply to pamzimmrrt
Helen323 May 13, 2019
Thank you pamzimmrrt for your info. My husband and I had a very social life with going on to festivals, wine events, friends dinners...etc., during this tough family adjustment I have to say my TRUE friends were my warriors, they went to appts with me, went thru all of my crying spells (I forgot to mention my sweet Mama was diagnosed with bladder cancer and had surgery on that) so overall friends rallied around with laughs, tears and overall support in all of this. YES it is hard road but a blessing to have your family with you as they age. Thank you and bless you in your situation. I LOVE this forum, it has helped me a great deal knowing I am not alone in my feelings of being a caregiver and all that it entails.
I care for my husband who is bedridden. I do everything for him but feed him. It’s been like this for at least 5 years when he contracted a life-threatening heart infection.

We were never the sort who socialized. His nose was always to the grindstone trying to keep the family business afloat. But we did occasionally go for getaways to casinos. We also went to our local watering hole and his favorite, Texas Roadhouse for steak. We were able to visit our children and grandchildren. That all stopped when he became bed bound and I am unable to get him out. It’s a solitary, depressing life and although I was forced by financial hardship to go back to work this year, I love my job and I’m glad to get out each day. Also on the plus side, I have been charged with the task of running the whole show here at home. I make all the decisions and handle absolutely everything that comes up. As someone who never had much self-confidence or feelings of self-worth, I’m very proud of myself.

You realize that you are exceptionally lucky to have a husband who pitches in, right? My husband wouldn’t have.

Perhaps invite your friends over for cards, games or even a barbecue. And, if there are sibs, maybe they could pitch in so you can go out.
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Reply to Ahmijoy

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