I'm gonna start with a little background information.
Father is 83 yrs old. and currently in the local VA Home. The POA that I have is not strong enough to hold him there so hte VA tells me. He is coded through the VA Home as having Moderate Independent decision making impairment. Which in short means that sometimes he can make good judgments and others he is completely lost on. He has been on a feeding tube for almost a year now due to getting pneumonia twice after having a stroke which affected his swallowing. (Which has been discontinued per him eating baby foods and not having any problems with it) He has dementia, Parkinson's, Macular degeneration which has caused him to be blind in 1 eye and going blind in the other eye, chronic heart problems and kidney problems. I have had 3 different doctors tell me that he can not under no uncertain terms drive any more and those 3 also told me he is not to live alone. But he still thinks there is nothing wrong with him.
The 2 lawyers I've spoken with say that I will have to be bonded in the amount of his assets, pay insurance on that bond, and go to court every month showing what I've spent his money on. Mind you now, I have 4 kids of my own that I have to chase after ranging in ages 2-14 and I am his only child. And they also said that the judge may not appoint me to be his guardian. If I had not of had the health care proxy he would have died last year because there was no one to say put in the feeding tube. This guardianship mumbo-jumbo seems a bit un-real to me. So, I'm hoping that someone who has walked this path can help me validate this information I was given.
I'm totally lost and wondering if I'm gonna survive the stress of all this.
You should discuss your thoughts on being his guardian with with him first, and then with the staff who take care of him. It is alot of work but is rewarding if you are clear on why you are doing it, and willing to have court oversight / justify all of your decisions.
Good luck - if you want more help, let us know what state you are in, or you can ask for help at your local senior center / aging council.
Anyway if you no longer wish to do this, call your local area agency on aging and see if they can help you find someone who can. You can always hire an attorney but if your dad's broke then the agency on aging will be your best bet. I am of the mind that it's better to be a loving support to your relatives than stressed out and resentful. You have the demands of your kids and if the demands of your fathers care overwhelm you, you may come to resent him. Most of us WANT to be good kids to our parents - perhaps admitting that you aren't the best person to handle his affairs IS the best thing for both of you - you can remain a loving son, spend good time with him enjoying things yet let someone else manage his medical care. There's no shame in it at all!!! Hang in there!
You do not need an attorney, BUT, if your family is like mine, GREEDY, then they will all be notified of the hearing and will come and slander you to the judge. Mind you he is privy to this behavior. Just sit quietly, and do not react to any negativity. He will see this, and then he will know why they are doing this. I was appointed and I did get an attorney finally. I was reimbursed once I was appointed. You cannot be reimbursed if you are denied conservatrix. The Probate system in my moms town is terrible. VERY, VERY EXPENSIVE. Many continuances, so everyone gets a "piece of the pie". I contested one of the attorneys bills (he lowered it by $700.00) and when I needed to become trustee, the Judge, made me get bonded, although he did not for conservatrix. My mother has to pay the bond, which is about $9,000.00 on a requested $300,000.00 bond. It is either 2% or 3% of the bond amount. It is NOT your expense though. I still think it is unfair to my mom to pay this. The audits have all been perfect. I never took a DIME!
My question is: I certain my brother has been spending my moms money and Im certain I didnt get what my uncle wanted me to have. I never got anything when my dad died. So, do I get an attorney, file for conservator? Try and get what is legally mine? Or do I just let it be?
My brother told me initially mom was in debt and had a reverse mortgage, now he says that was a lie... Should he get away with it, keep living in the house? or do I evict him and sell it?
Do I send the information to social worker she requested (how much my parents home sold for? My uncles documents)
i dont know what to do!
We used two Elder Law Attorneys who was well versed in this kind of issue. His lawyer helped him to put his affairs in order, and mine guided us through the process, until I, as a long time partner and new wife, was awarded the positions. All of his assets are in his name, with my name as Conservator, which prevents anyone from manipulating his funds, since he no longer writes checks or makes withdrawals. I had to become bonded and must submit yearly accounting of all expenses and assets. Our Court guided budget is fairly strict, but allows for a simple life, which will allow his funds to last a long time.
My main focus is on helping him feel in control of his life as much as he can. He still understands most of what is going on around him and he appreciates being consulted about his wishes.
He worked hard all his life and he carefully saved for the future, intending to leave everything to his children. But Alzheimer's arrived and changed those plans.
The Court is a hassle and sometimes feels unfair, but it does protect his assets.
I love my husband and I hope he lives a healthy long life. When his life is over, if there are still assets available, the decisions he made and the decisions made along the way through the G/C process, will be carried out. Until then, his money is his, and for his care.