How good is it really to forgive?

I have picked up something from everyone of these Answers. I have always been a forgiving person and always will. BUT, I will never forget and will not allow myself to be trampled upon, degraded or abused by the one's I have forgiven. My Mother is so bitter than my Father died, and she wants to make everyone of her children pay for it. Newflash, he couldn't help it. His body was wore out from Agent Orange. I took the high road with my son's funeral. I included his Father in everything even though he wasn't there for my son the majority of his life. The Funeral Director told me that he had never witnessed such Dignity and Grace during the preparations, wake and funeral of a child from Divorced Parents. He told me that I set the bar for other's to follow because he had to intervene in some knock down, drag outs. Sad to me that people can't come together and bury a child in peace. I am thankful for this topic. Got to get a lot off my chest.

it's the only thing you can do, be it with parents or ex spouses, because if you don't the bitterness ruins the present for you. Forgiveness doesn't mean letting the perpetrator walk all over you, forgiveness is for YOU, your own self, not anyone else. When we're caring for a loved one (or not so loved one),I guess the thing is to do for YOU, so it makes YOU feel worthy, and from that standpoint what you do start to feel worthwhile and that makes a world of difference to what ever you are doing. I found that had to ask God for forgiveness, it didn't come from myself, but that's how I got to forgive all kinds of hurts - and believe me I have had a goodly few of those. Hope this helps someone

There is no burden heavier to carry than a grudge

Forgiveness is the best way to release YOUR anger, hostilities, etc. toward another and by doing so will give you inner peace. You can only change YOU!

I know all to well about anger and depression and how badly it affects yourself and those around you. It's a whole process that starts with feeling out of control. Life does not always go the way we would like it to and it's so easy to build resentments and take it out on yourself and and the ones closest to you. I finally realized that no one can control everything but you can ontrol how you choose to handle it. I think when your much older it's even harder to cope with change and even more loss of control, mix in some dementia that everyone talks about, and it's easy to understand how out of control your parent can be. After you make sense of it all, Forgiveness, I believe, is the final outcome of that whole process, God willing.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. When you forgive, you stop giving that person power over how you feel.

I go back and forth on this question. I know it is good to forgive. I have always been one who is quick to forgive. Someone can do me wrong, then be nice, and I'll put the resentments behind me. But then they do it again. Grrr. Am I dumb or what? Sometimes I think it would be better for me if I weren't so willing to forgive.

I'm the opposite. I tend to hold grudges for a long long time. Hurt me badly, and I have a very very difficult time forgiving you. That was my downfall as a Christian. I didn't think I deserved to be called a Christian because I just cannot forgive.

When I found this site about 2 years ago, I was able to vent, purge the bitterness within. I thought I was ready to learn to forgive. I bought books, read articles online. And just cannot find it in me to complete those books. Like you, Jessie, I read this yesterday - over and over. Typed, erased, typed, erased, typed, erased. In the end, it remained unposted. Yes, forgiveness is for us - not our offenders. But obviously something is stopping me from learning to forgive. Or maybe I just don't know HOW to forgive. Reading books are one thing. I most likely would need therapy to learn the steps of how to forgive myself first, then to forgive those who hurt me.

I try to feel forgiveness, I just can't forget,if I could just forget the things she has done in my life,unfortunately I would have to have some kind of head injury that caused amnesia.With her living in my house I get a daily reminder of the past, I can't get away from it.She doesn't even have to say or do anything it's just the sight of her,the sound of her walker.I know this will sound horrible but at this point I don't think I will mind her developing dementia if it means she will one day look at me and not recognize me, I will be just a stranger that takes care of her,for some reason when I think about that I get a sense of freedom and I don't know why.

Many years ago I realized that a lot of my own anger was based on self-pity and that I was enjoying wallowing in it. That took a lot of the fun out of it! Many people think that "forgiveness" means saying that "it's all right." No, that's not it at all. If it was really "all right" it wouldn't need forgiveness! It means that yes, it was not good but you are not going to allow it to destroy you. We also need to remember that we are not responsible for the final judgment on the situation--that's a higher pay grade than ours. There will be consequences if appropriate. Sometimes we have to call a halt to a relationship, sometimes we have to ask for the grace to deal with it. Often we are given a different way of looking at the situation. We usually don't have the power to want what we know is right--that is what philosophers call "moral freedom" and it requires not our own will power but sacrificing our own selfish will.