How do you get over watching your Mom die?

Try contacting the Hospice you had when you brought your Mom home. Usually they are there for the whole family when the patient passes away. They should have a Social Worker, Bereavment Counseler,Chaplain or all three. Go to their office and ask for help. My husband is a big old country boy. 6 foot 5 and 240LBS. Strongest man I have ever known but when his Dad died in April he folded like a house of cards. The Hospice that cared for his Dad has helped him SO much. Call or go to the Hospice you used in the morning. Let them help you or find you some help.

I was widowed when I was 34 years old. My late husband died from chronic alcoholism. It took me seven years to come to terms with his death. I learned a few things along the way.

Grief if called grief work because that is exactly what it IS--work--and work makes us tired. That means that we have to take and make time to rest.

Never let anyone tell you or suggest to you that you "should get over it". We never get over it. Time does NOT make it better but it DOES make it different.

I know that it is hard to believe now but one morning you will waken up and the person/people who have died will not be your first thought.

I worked as a Palliative Care Nurse and an Oncology nurse for many years. My advice to my patients and/or their families was what I found to be helpful for me.

"Talk about your loss/es until you bore your friends. Then talk about your loss/es until you bore yourself. THEN hopefully you can begin to heal." There is no timetable for grief. Each of us works at our own pace and in our own way. This is how we honour our loved ones and how we honour ourselves.

Stay in touch. Many of us really care about each other--and that means you too.

I actually done both today, Terry. I called Hospice and I'm gonna see the counselor Wed. They said I get six months aftercare but there isn't much left. I'm hoping they can point me the right way, maybe a support group. And I got a hold of Toys for tots and signed up but they can only take care of my 12 year old daughter and my 6 year old boy. My 15 year old daughter is too old but I'll figure that out. They are my inspiration, my reason to live. My family is close and they know I'm hurting. They just don't know how bad. In my life there has been many people I cared for die. I think it all caught up and hit me at once. The counselor ask who all had passed away that I had loved. I sat there and it dawned on me alot. It started in about middle school. My older brother had a best friend that shot himself. It was my brothers friend but I really liked him. Then in high school my best friend Troy and his cousin were drinking and got in a fight and his cousin shot him. Then out of high school my grandma died of a stroke, then my brother had an accident at work and died. Then about 2 years later my uncle died of cancer, then my grandpa died of cancer bout a year later. Then it was quiet for a while. I'm not sure I dealt with the anger and hurt at the time. Then a really good friend I worked with and hung out with had a motorcycle accident and was killed. Then about 5 years ago my best friend killed hisself. He was my age at the time. Over a cheating wife. Then mom and then Derrick. I know that all sounds made up but I can prove everyone of them. My ol bible is full of Funeral cards. They are falling out. "So now what" I ask her. She said we'd talk. Hopefully I can get this worked out. The feelings come and go. But never fully leave. Thank you all so much for you advice. Your all angels sent here from God. When I wrote that question I was hurting unbearably. At least I know I'm not alone. This is for
mom.
Remember Her...
MARY LOU JAGGERS MEREDITH
OCTOBER 8, 1953- AUGUST 16TH, 2015
She would have been proud I found this place and she would've been thankful you all cared enough to reach out. Thanks again.

Have you seen YOUR primary care physician since your Mom passed away?

MM, I think you have had more than your share of heartache lately and you need some help. You've had good advice to go to counseling at your church or your hospice. Check with the hospital and ask if they have a chaplain, minister or someone who can counsel you. Try to find comfort in your Mom's last words. You say she held onto your hand so you wouldn't leave. She knew the end was near and she was talking to God. We don't really know but she may have been holding on to you and talking to Him, asking for help for you. Please don't give up now. You have a wife and 3 kids. They don't need to lose you too. Start taking your dad out for long walks if you can. Both of you need to get out in the sun. I lost my husband and mother in the same year about 5 months apart. I was a basket case and almost lost my job because I starting crying at a moment's notice. I went to the doctor and asked for something to help my nerves. I told them I had a job that I needed to keep and I had children to take care of. I was given an anti-depressant to use for about 6 months and it works wonders. One of the things that helped me was moving to another town. My dad who was 71, came to live with me and it was fine for the first 5 years but later I went thru the beginnings of dementia as you are now. You just do what you can do and ask your siblings to step in when you feel you need a break. If you don't have siblings, maybe there is a family member who will take your father for a weekend or week even so you can get some down time. Going to a different place, with new people, new job, new house, new everything was a godsend for me. It took awhile but I finally began to come out from under the cloud of grief as you will. Let your wife help you. Talk with her about it, cry about it and think she's in a better place now. She was calling for her God to be with her and if you could see her now, she is happy. Talk to your doctor first and ask for an anti-depressant and then maybe he could recommend someone to talk to about your grief. There are groups that you can go to as well. Don't give up, your wife and children still need you to be Dad as long as possible. Your dad needs you now too. Remember the saying that God will never give you more than you can bear so you will come out of this. Good luck. Come back in a month or two and let us all know how you're getting on and what help you've received, will you? We care.

MM, I just read an article about hospice and it said they provide a year's worth of counseling bereavement services for someone who has passed on using hospice. It looks like you should have a few months left to get help from them and if their is a fee, I'm sure Medicare would take care of it since it's provided by hospice. Please check it out and see. Also, You should be able to sign up for toys for tots or other organizations that provide toys and Christmas gifts for people who can afford to do any more than they are already doing now. you have to get past this season and 2016 should be a better to look forward to and you'll be in a much better place for the holidays next year.

All the previous advice and TIME. Be patient with yourself. There will be lighter days. My mom had a massive stroke Jan 2015, I was primary and 24/7 caregiver til her death mid May 2015. Even though I have cared for terminally ill patients for 38 years, caring for and loosing my Mom was the hardest thing ever. I can just now reach out to others and give care again. (Nov. 2015)

Cathberry, that was helpful, I am sure to so many.
My heart goes out this Thanksgiving to those who have lost a loved one and are spending their first holiday without that person.

I was very, very close to my father and I'm still not over his death that happened eight years ago. I'm better, overall, but I still struggle with this loss. The Holidays are difficult. No doubt. Also, whenever I see a commercial on television of father walking a daughter down the aisle at her wedding, I still get teary-eyed because I'll never have this. All fathers want to see their daughters get married to a wonderful partner. I 100% agree with Cathberry. In my case, time doesn't heal all wounds - it just changes its dressings so I can handle the wound better. The wound doesn't burn as much as it previously did but the wound will always be there. If you have the opportunity to seek grief counseling, then you should and there is no shame in admitting you need some help to deal with a very painful loss. Like I said, I'm better, overall, but there was time that I couldn't function. I wasn't on any medications. I just didn't know how to deal with the loss of someone who was such a big influence on my life - but I didn't realize how much of impact he made on me until after he was gone and this was a part of my pain, part of my regret. Maybe you're not ready to seek help - and this is okay - you just go when it's right for you. I think you need to "feel" everything that you're feeling in order to process the loss; if you're feeling sad, then don't fight this and let yourself feel that wave of sadness over and over - and over; if you're feeling angry, then just let yourself feel that anger. Some of my pain is regret - in that I wished I would've said some things to my father before he expired. So, as I go about my day, if I have a moment of regret, then I actually talk it out, quietly to myself, as a way to heal this pain; for example, I never had the chance to tell him how much I loved him and how thankful I am for the sacrifice he made for our family. So, when I "feel" this regret, I quietly say "I love you Dad...Thank you for everything you did for us..." and by acknowledging this feeling I oddly feel somewhat connected to my father though I know he's no longer here with me, then I get teary-eyed for a little bit, then I feel a release and I can go about my day with no hang-ups.

If you can walk ,get out and walk 2 miles a day. it will help so much. Your brain is low on seritonin and this will increase it . Capture your negative thoughts and practice being grateful for all you have. If you are still struggling after a few weeks go to a free clinic and get on a low dose of an anti depressant . The generics are $10.00 a month. It will help and you can take them for a few months to kick start you. This is serious business.