My mother has been hiding her disease for years; but when she started having hallucinations 2 years ago she could not hide it anymore. I am her medical power of attorney and financial power of attorney. She refused to take her meds for the hallucinations and stopped going to all her different doctor appointments several months ago. Everytime she is scheduled she puts up a aggressive fuss for 2 - 3 hours, and I have to call and cancel the appointments. She refuses to admit there is anything wrong with her and is refusing help. I am also my 88 year old father's power of attorney. He hired me to be their home health care since neither of them are able to cook, clean the house, do the paperwork, run errands, etc. He wants me to try to bathe Mom/assist bathing Mom as much as she will allow me. Mom in very controlling and upset that I am even in their home helping. She says she doesn't need any help still even though she is in stage 6 and has not been able to even do basic things for a while now. She is still mobile, eating, and verbal but very resistant. For a while she was sponge bathing on her own. Over time she really cut back, and I had to keep reminding her because she could not remember the last time she she did and will not believe me when I show her on a calendar. I started getting to only one sponge bath per 4 - 5 week period (and that was being done in 3 diffent days. I would wash her hair with a no rinse shampoo the first day. Then she would let me assist her with her upper torso the second day. The third day she would only wash her feet. She has always given me a hard time washing her her waist down to her lower legs. Not once would she allow me to even see her uncovered so I would let her do it on her own in private. For a while she was doing it, but now there are times she tells me she is doing it, but I can tell she is not because of how bad it smells in the bathroom after she uses the toilet. She always forgets to flush it, so if I go in right after her I can tell if it smells fresh or if it smells horrible. For the last two months it has been like this. I am concerned about the possibility of her getting a rash. It's been over 5 weeks now, as much as I can tell that she has actually washed down there. I have tried all the pointers in many forums on several different sites, and nothing is working for me. Last time I tried she got aggressive with me and was hitting me. I have been told by people who took care of their parents in the past if she got a rash, and I didn't do anything about it that I could get in trouble legally. I live in Ohio and don't know what to do. I have an indepentent home health aid coming this week to try to give my mom a bath. My mom is already telling me she still won't take a bath and that she will not go to the doctor. She has always been a homebody and will not socialize so I cannot even get her out of the house to sneak her to a doctor. I am still having the home health aid with 30 years experience come, but if my mom still resists, what can I do? Will I get in trouble if I just honor my mom's wishes and she does get sick? I am seeing contradicting things about this on different sites. Confused and at my wit's end.

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I got my sister a faucet bidet when she broke her back. I connected it to her bathroom faucet, adjusted the temp and then handed it to her while she was sitting on the pot. I told her to just rinse herself with it. "Ooh that's NICE" she said. Indeed it was.
You should also go to youtube and watch the Teepa Snow video on how to bathe someone with dementia. You have the basics already, but the video will sharpen what you know.
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