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Three years ago my father fell asleep at the wheel hit a tree and my mother died, brother-in-law also in car badly hurt. No doctors would tell him to stop driving, just told him to "stay close to home." Which he doesn't listen to anyway. The family thought the auto insurance would be so expensive that he could no longer drive but the cost didn't go up very much after the accident. We even wrote a letter to the Secretary of State office and they would not do anything! He refuses to listen to his family. Says he will have to be cold/dead before we get the keys! HELP!

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Another thing to think about, when you take away something from an elder, you need to substitute something in its place. Thus either you or other relatives will need to become his wheels. That would help make your Dad still feel like he still has some independence.

But be careful. When my Dad stopped driving I was more than happy to be my parents chauffeur but I never knew they wanted out of the house 3 times a day... that Mom wanted to visit all the grocery stores in the area because each one had sales on items she wanted. Oh good grief, what in the world did I sign up for !! I found myself driving them for seven straight years taking time off from work, etc. I never learned to "set boundaries".
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Wont the police stop him driving? In the UK licences can be taken away for a whole host of things. Im not concerned as to whether your father thinks he is capable of driving - it is clear he isn't and at 90 regardless of whether anyone agrees with me or not his reactions will be too slow to make him a safe driver, let alone falling asleep at the wheel.
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I had to take my dad's keys about two weeks ago. Siblings were so afraid of "daddy not liking me' that they did nothing. He knew deep down that he should not drive, but wanted to ignore it.

The advice about getting him an exam at the drivers license office is good - but I could not wait that long. Every time we wondered if he would come back or if we would hear of him killing someone else.
A man about twenty years younger than he is DID run over a lady in my town about a year ago. I couldn't let it happen.

Now my siblings who would not admit how dangerous it is, are getting to drive him around - YAY!
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Yes, most states allow anyone to file a report anonymously. Check it out get it done. Make the state the bad guy.
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You, your sisters, and your brother are enabling him to continue by driving with him. Why on earth would you or your siblings get in the car with a driver you feel is unsafe?

The police are not responsible for getting your father off the road - you are. Physically go to his DMV and report him as a dangerous driver. That is the first step of getting his bad driving "on the record." The DMV will send him a letter and ask him to come in and take some tests. Whether he passes or fails is up to the instructor but the determination will be official.
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Thanks for all your suggestions! My dad gets his eyes checked yearly due to mild Mac Degeneration. With glasses, the doc says he can see fine. I think he was a pretty good driver before he turned approx. 80 years old. To be honest I didn't drive with him that much then. Now he lives with me and I do! Disabling the car won't work. He will just get it fixed. I think the main problem is that he is getting slower to make decisions/corrections when needed while driving. He can't see it, everyone else can!
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Salisbury is absolutely correct. His driving has to end. It's either suffer through some anger and a hissy fit now or wait till he kills someone. I'd take the hissy fit.

Sometimes you can work with the local cops. The car needs to go away, and call the local dealers and alert them to not sell him another. Dont screw around with this.
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This is a toughy. I have been through it twice.

Do whatever you have to do to stop him.

Disable the car. Put a potato up the tail pipe. Remove a tire. Take the keys, for example, which is what I had to do with my mother. Then I went to police and explained it to them; told them she had dementia. When my mother called them to complain; they had the whole story and they just appeased her and said something, which she promptly forgot. The police helped me. Don't be afraid to let them know how it is.

Yes, this will be like jail sentence for you because once you take the keys,then you have to drive him around. DO IT. Or get someone else to take him shopping a few times a week. He has done enough damage.
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Yes, I'm sure it's true that if he is not familiar with his route his driving is worse. Unfortunately, it will also become true, if it isn't already, that with failing skills *all* routes will begin to look less and less familiar.

All I can suggest is that you accompany him and record the journey on a smartphone or camcorder - if you haven't got one, hire or borrow one. Show the recording to the police. Make a statement giving concrete factual examples of his dangerous driving. Tell the police you've told them, and it is now up to them: you will hold them responsible for the consequences if they do nothing about it.

Has your father always been a terrible driver? I know my FIL didn't deteriorate much between ages 60 and 80 - he was a truly appalling driver to start with, and at least age slowed him down a bit. I don't know if it's any comfort, but at least your desire to get him off the road is nothing to do with ageism!
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dads2380, your Dad is of the era where people did things for themselves, like keep on driving. My sympathy to you and your family. I would think that after that horrible accident that your Dad would never sit behind the wheel..... sounds like he is doing this in defiance.

Curious, when was the last time your Dad had an eye exam? If it has been quite a while, a lot can change, maybe he just can't see to know where he is driving. That happened with my Dad, due to his eyesight he was hugging the right curb and occasionally would hit the curb damaging a tire. Eventually my Dad stopped driving when a doctor told him time to hang up the car keys.

Age shouldn't be an issue when it comes to driving as I have seen young people and middle age people be poor drivers, not paying attention, or thinking they own the road. Driving is such a huge independent issue.
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Hi ! Everyone that drives with him: myself, sisters, brother, even my dad's friends all tell him his driving is horrible. Most people refuse to let him drive them anywhere. He changes lanes without looking, just stops in the middle of the highway when he doesn't know where he is going. One time he was driving me to get the oil changed on his car. He missed the driveway of the store and went in the next driveway. Instead of getting back on the road and going back 100 feet, he drove on the sidewalk!! When I said "Dad you are driving on the sidewalk." He said "no I'm not, this is a road." I think the main problem is if he is not familiar with where he is going his driving is worse.
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Could your brother in law sue and bankrupt him?

This might sound an odd question, but what evidence do you have that his driving is not safe? Anyone can fall asleep at the wheel if they are irresponsible enough to drive tired. What else have you got?
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