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My sister keeps telling me I can t taake care of my mother, she believes it is too much for me. She lives in california

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lol zoom,
during elder care when you call in a favor from a friend it never fails to come out of your mouth like a demand . the sentence might start like ' " i need some help " --- real affirmative like..
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I find that civility and diplomacy are HIGHLY overrated when dealing with family, especially one who loves to criticize but never help! The threat of physical violence works quite well for me....
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" How do you tell a family member to stop criticizing for taking care of a parent "

with brass knucks -- youre welcome..
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"Sister, thanks for your concern. I think you are right. No one could do this forever, especially if Mom gets worse. I'm glad you understand that. I can do it now, and I want to. I'll let you know when it is getting to be too much and we can figure out together what the options are then."
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Thank you guys. You all are helping me right now. You have my back. I just feel like she is a monkey on my back. She does figure i cant do it forever,but for now i can and want too. Pami
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Is she really criticizing you, or is she expressing concern for your welfare? Is she feeling inadequate that she couldn't take care of Mom and so it would make her feel better to think that you can't either? If you can figure out where she is coming from on this topic that could guide how you respond to her.

My mother has lived with my oldest sister for a year now. I tell her, and I'm sure our other sisters tell her, that she is doing an awesome job and I am truly grateful she was willing and able to do this. And also that if/when it gets to be too much for her (Ma has dementia) that I will support her decision to resign from the primary caregiver role. Maybe your sister is trying to express something like that ... that she doesn't expect you to do this forever ... and she just doesn't have the tact and verbal skills my family does! Or maybe she is a jerk. :D Try to figure it out, respond accordingly, and prevent the topic from coming up in every conversation.
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The Algonquin's said never judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins. So send your sister a pair of Minnetonka's invite her to sit in your teepee for two months. Until then she speaks with a forked tongue.
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So she's not offering to take care of your mom, she's just criticizing how you're doing it? If that's the case, I'd tell her you'll listen to her criticism when she's taken care of your mom for a year, like you have. Until then, she's "unqualified" to comment. When she starts in, I'd say, "I'm not going to listen to your criticism and if you continue, I'll end the conversation. Let's change the subject." If she continues criticizing you, tell her you're ending the conversation and hang up.
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I like that, thanks Give a hug. I will tell her to be quiet I am doing my best. She has never volunteered to take care of our mom.
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Just tell her "come over and take over my job" or "shut up I'm doing my best for OUR mother"
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