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If it is pure dementia, check out adult day cares in your area.
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Reply to MACinCT
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Start small. Bring in someone one 4 hour shift every week. You leave and go to the gym, get your hair done, etc.
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Reply to brandee
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You become the manager of the caregivers who work for you. You hire, you fire, you become a team as you all learn to trust each other. You decide what you want them to do for your loved one and give them the tools they need to do it.

If you can hire the right ones to make life better for your loved one and for you, then you are blessed. You will be in awe of their capabilities and grateful for their presence. If you can't work with the caregiver, replace them with one (or more) who is (are) better able to fill your needs.

That's about it. I hope you find the best ones for your situation.
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Reply to Fawnby
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Accepting help at any stage is difficult.
As a caregiver sometimes "we" feel as it is an obligation to care for a loved one ourselves.
Other times is is a matter of how we do things that has worked for us and there is a fear that someone else will not do it the same way.
Or the thought that no one can take care of _______as good as I can.

Well at some point you have to bite the bullet and get help.
It is a big step trusting someone into your home.
Knowing that you are going to lose some of your privacy as well.
Trusting someone to care for your loved one as well as you do.

You do this because you realize that if you do not get help the option in placing someone in a facility that can meet their care needs because you can no longer do that yourself.

Once you do get help you realize...:
It really does not matter if they make the bed the exact same way you do...the bed is made and you didn't have to do it.
It really does not matter if they did not change the soiled brief and clothes they way you did it...clothes are changed your LO is clean and comfortable.

Then it dawns on you...This caregiver is just as much for you as they are for your loved one.
You begin to feel "normal" again.
You can visit with a friend.
You can relax
You begin to relax more around you LO, you are not "just" their caregiver, you are a son, a daughter, spouse. It begins to even out the relationship.

I have often said the TWO most difficult things about being a caregiver is
1. ASKING for help.
2. ACCEPTING help.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Not sure of your particular situation, but generally you use another caregiver for tasks most needed. For my dad, his helper did laundry, was nearby when he showered (she didn’t help, but was near for safety in case of a fall) made his lunch, prepped a dinner, took him to appointments and errands like the pharmacy and grocery store, read to him, along with other requested items. She was a godsend, making a friend out of a man highly opposed to having a helper. Decide to let go of the reins a bit, state your expectations, and enjoy some rest
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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