My mom and I have a painful dark past! A truth so horrid, that I'm the last person who would want to care for her to keep her out of nursing home. Due to the dementia that she WILL NOT even begin to understand. Cause I am the reason she has it. That it's prob Alzheimer's and just wont tell her. I deeply love her so much, I just want her to see the blessing in disguise that God gave us. She has lately refuses to me be her caregiver. Says I'm too controlling and she will never accept me. My brother who is older, one day popped up at the door and now is living here. He is the favorite, which he thrives on. He pays nothing and now I have more work load, without a break ever. He works 3 days on and 4 days off. When works he told me, he wouldn't be able to help me with mom, cause he worked 12 straight hours and he is exhausted. I have worked 24/7 and 365 the last year. I never stop. I'm burned out and the demons from my past are almost consuming me. I just want her and I to make a mends and completely put the awful past to rest. However, she refuses any Physical therapy, cause she states it wouldn't help her walk it anything. She refuses to help herself and then, just like the last 30 plus years, places blame on me, cause she has become almost immobile and bed ridden. Anyway, you have the basics..what do I do? And, last thing which I have NEVER said outloud or to her. I had a good job, friends a nice savings, 401k and a great life! Not once did I have to give thought to stopping my life to care for her! Then tells me I try to hard to take care of her and she is sick of my being a perfectionist cause I keep things clean and make her change her clothes and wash bedding. That she can't believe God would give her such a piece of deep daughter. Now I'm done...sorry I rrambled
To be honest, I doubt if you will ever mend what went wrong with your relationship with Mom.
I can understand why you took on this responsibility but Mom really doesn't have the ability to be apprecitive or say she is sorry.
If taking care of her and using your savings makes u happy then I guess its OK. I assume since brother had no problem moving in, the house is Moms? If he works, there is no reason he shouldn't be paying something towards the household.