I have to agree. You need to move out for one thing. You can't live with the people who abused you.
I do think before you can move forward you need to deal with the past. Not dwell on it just deal. Deal by realizing your parents cannot be what you expect them to be, which is loving parents. They literally don't know how to love. They probably feed off of each other. That trying to get them to love or appreciate you now is fruitless. So now you move forward by distancing yourself and realizing that you can't fix them and you owe them nothing. You set boundaries for you. They will try to cross over but you stand firm. But, to go forward, you can't live with them.
Very wise. And I could use this advice myself right now. Which way is best for anyone in a difficult dysfunctional situation? I think we can only answer that ourselves, and resentment clouds judgment.
HI Tracey - if I am understanding your question, it sounds like your therapist refuses to work with you on the emotional issues, such as codependency, abuse and enmeshment - is that correct? If that is the case, then I think you should seek out a new therapist.
These are important issues that you addressed, and in order to try to work towards effective healing, you deserve to have a better therapist who can provide better support and guidance.
Who REFUSED to unpack the baggage in therapy? And what was the point in spending all that money in the first place, then? Kinda like signing up for a diet club and bringing Dove bars for everybody at the meeting 😑
I would answer, based on your profile info, move out of your parents home immediately and on with your own life now. At 42, you're certainly entitled to have your own life!!
About Me 42 years old; never married, no children. Living with both retired parents. History of developmental abuse, rage and codependency and enmeshment. Both parents have undiagnosed and untreated personality disorders. Looking for emotional support.
I'm not sure how much you can expect out of therapy for two elders with this many issues! Some things you just can't fix and have to detach from.
I do think before you can move forward you need to deal with the past. Not dwell on it just deal. Deal by realizing your parents cannot be what you expect them to be, which is loving parents. They literally don't know how to love. They probably feed off of each other. That trying to get them to love or appreciate you now is fruitless. So now you move forward by distancing yourself and realizing that you can't fix them and you owe them nothing. You set boundaries for you. They will try to cross over but you stand firm. But, to go forward, you can't live with them.
Look up the word Narcissist.
The only way around this is to go to therapy YOURSELF to unpack and remediate the damage.
AND move out.
Check their credentials. Use a licensed professional.
Best wishes to you.
When all at sea, you can stay put or swim.
Diving down into the deep issues for understanding is worthy, but may take a long time. Swimming in a direction will get you somewhere else at least.
What's your priority?
These are important issues that you addressed, and in order to try to work towards effective healing, you deserve to have a better therapist who can provide better support and guidance.
I would answer, based on your profile info, move out of your parents home immediately and on with your own life now. At 42, you're certainly entitled to have your own life!!
About Me
42 years old; never married, no children. Living with both retired parents. History of developmental abuse, rage and codependency and enmeshment. Both parents have undiagnosed and untreated personality disorders. Looking for emotional support.
I'm not sure how much you can expect out of therapy for two elders with this many issues! Some things you just can't fix and have to detach from.
Best of luck to you.