Guilt is a self imposed emotion telling you you're doing something wrong. What are you doing 'wrong' by placing your spouse in a care community, exactly? When dementia/Alzheimer's is involved, it generally reaches a point where in home care is literally no longer possible & the loved one requires 24/7 care in a place which is staffed and secured. I work in such a place as a front desk receptionist & get to interact daily with spouses. Some come twice a day to visit their husbands or wives, and it's a win-win situation because they get to KNOW the spouse is being cared for properly, and then they get to go home and sleep through the night w/o worrying about the spouse escaping, hurting himself or staying up all night wandering around.
Remember that you are one of a two person team here. It's not ONLY about your spouse and his care; it's also about YOU and YOUR care and YOUR life. When your life is being so badly compromised that you can no longer function, it's time to do something about it and to let go of any guilt because it's not warranted.
I think we all feel a little guilty about leaving any LO in a care facility. The women I knew who had to do this, was because the husbands were becoming violent and a threat to them. Both ladies were in their 80s.
You need to realize when you can no longer do it. That your physical and mental health is now effected. And no matter what you do for them is not going to improve the situation. I know what it was like taking care of a Mom who weighted maybe 140/150 lbs at any given time. I can't imagine what it would be like taking care of my 215 5ft 10in husband. Who...can be stubborn. I have promised him nothing other than I will care for him as long as I can. I am 5ft tall. Can't promise that he won't go to a NH. And I pray I never have to make that decision.
For you to make this decision he is beyond what you can do for him. This is a horrible desease. It robs people of their past and their future. Know that you did all you could for as long as u could. He now needs to be where he is.
I think it’s a transitioning time for you and the patient. I feel it’s completely normal to feel a range of emotions.
If you cannot or do not desire to care for them, you don’t have any other choice but to allow them to enter a facility, especially if they are in need of medical help. Then take comfort in knowing that they will be in capable hands.
Not prying, but if you care to share more details then please do. Sometimes it helps to vent. No one will judge you. It’s extremely hard to be a caregiver.
Remember that you are one of a two person team here. It's not ONLY about your spouse and his care; it's also about YOU and YOUR care and YOUR life. When your life is being so badly compromised that you can no longer function, it's time to do something about it and to let go of any guilt because it's not warranted.
Best of luck!
You need to realize when you can no longer do it. That your physical and mental health is now effected. And no matter what you do for them is not going to improve the situation. I know what it was like taking care of a Mom who weighted maybe 140/150 lbs at any given time. I can't imagine what it would be like taking care of my 215 5ft 10in husband. Who...can be stubborn. I have promised him nothing other than I will care for him as long as I can. I am 5ft tall. Can't promise that he won't go to a NH. And I pray I never have to make that decision.
For you to make this decision he is beyond what you can do for him. This is a horrible desease. It robs people of their past and their future. Know that you did all you could for as long as u could. He now needs to be where he is.
If you cannot or do not desire to care for them, you don’t have any other choice but to allow them to enter a facility, especially if they are in need of medical help. Then take comfort in knowing that they will be in capable hands.
Not prying, but if you care to share more details then please do. Sometimes it helps to vent. No one will judge you. It’s extremely hard to be a caregiver.
Take care. Hugs!