From what you've written in the 'answer' portion of your post, it sure sounds like Mary is suffering from dementia, she has lots of the classic signs & symptoms. You can only chalk off memory issues to new environments for SO long until it becomes very obvious that SOMETHING is wrong. She's acting totally out of character, saying you don't like her but not knowing why, hiding out in her room most of the time, getting cuts and bruises with no idea how, rushing off to her room out of fear of social distancing IN A HOME ENVIRONMENT, that's paranoia. Maybe she's depressed, too, that's always a consideration. Take her to the PCP and s/he can administer at least a MOCA or SLUMS test to see what her baseline is in terms of dementia. They'll ask her to draw a clock showing 4 pm or whatever. My mother's clock looked like a blob of something not even resembling a clock, never mind showing a time. That shows executive brain dysfunction which is at the root of dementia. The EB function is like the conductor of the orchestra; if he's missing, the rest of the orchestra has no idea WHAT is going on. Such is the analogy with dementia. Mom was dx'ed in 2016 and is in the moderate phase right now, but going downhill like a bowling ball on ice. She, however, lives in Memory Care Assisted Living b/c there is NO WAY I could handle her myriad of issues at home, nor would I want to. Just her incontinence problem alone would have me climbing the walls!!
See where she's at dementia wise and depression wise. My mother has done fairly decently with Wellbutrin over the years, but it's been no miracle cure either. My mother loves misery & complaining, so it's hard to know what's 'depression' and what's her normal state of being. Time will tell with Mary, right? Oh, and the doctor's diagnosis.
If she can't or won't adjust to her new life with you, and/or if it all becomes too much for YOU, which does happen........then look into private Assisted Living residences in your area which will give her more autonomy and a place of her own to be the 'boss' of. Not everyone is happy living under another family member's roof, I know I wouldn't be. None of our children will be burdened with us in our old age, if we get there, that's for sure!!!
Wishing you the best of luck getting to the root of the issues with Mary
She needs to be evaluated by at least a neurologist. She has had a lot of changes in 2 years. Husbands death, sisters death and now moving to a new home giving up everything. At 82 its hard to start a "new life". From what I read, you do not really know each other. The house is yours and you "are" the boss. Your responsibilities are done pretty much ur way, right? See its very hard for a woman who has had her own home $to live in another woman's home.
A good physical would be a good thing. Labs will show any low numbers. Maybe some depression.
Mary was very active at her home in Arlington with her church. I understand that she was even still driving. Paying her bills ect. But since she moved in with us she has not driven as she feels she would get lost. She has a friend that takes her to church now every Sunday. She was never diagnosed with dementia and I’m not sure if it’s just the new environment that is making her confused. She asks the same questions over and over. When I try to talk with her she just walks away. She asked me the other day “why I don’t like her”. I told her that’s not true. We are getting to know each other. I asked why she thought that and she said she doesn’t know why she feels that way. I know she has been through a lot of changes and had to deal with the loss of her husband 2 years ago and her sister passed away in March. She stays in her room all day except to come down for coffee in the morning. Several times she has forgotten to add the water and doesn’t understand why it’s not working. She has yogurt for lunch and back up to her room. Then down at 4 for microwave dinner. I have been cooking and ask her to join us. She says okay then cooks her microwave meal and goes back upstate her room. I put up gates to keep our small dogs from running under foot or jumping on her but she moves the gates. she had tripped with the gates so we removed them. she gets bruises and cuts and doesn’t know how she got them. she has trouble putting words together. she had her hearing checked and waxed removed from her ears and they said she can hear fine but doesn’t understand the words. she watches tv all day and gets on Facebook. ive asked her to go for walks but she doesn’t want too. sometimes she comes down and if I’m there she goes back to her room because we are too close. The pandemic and social distancing scare her away from me because I work in a hospital. But then she doesn’t understand why we don’t want her to eat out at restaurants with her friend. She told her friend that I was the boss of the house. It has been very hard to form any relationship with her.
"I am caring for my mother Mary, who is 82 years old, living in my home with age-related decline, anxiety, depression, hearing loss, heart disease, mobility problems, sleep disorder, and vision problems."
"I feel awkward in my own home. I barely know her. She seems confused to me. She won’t really talk to me. My husband thinks she is fine. I’m afraid she going to get hurt while we are at work. I‘ve asked him to have her evaluated by someone else."
We need some details to your question. You filled out the subject line, but didn't give us any details. Feel free to enter them as an "answer" on this thread. Where is your MIL currently? Does she live with you or is she in care? What symptoms of confusion and depression are you seeing and when did they start? Has your MIL been diagnosed with dementia? Tell us a little about your situation. And welcome.
See where she's at dementia wise and depression wise. My mother has done fairly decently with Wellbutrin over the years, but it's been no miracle cure either. My mother loves misery & complaining, so it's hard to know what's 'depression' and what's her normal state of being. Time will tell with Mary, right? Oh, and the doctor's diagnosis.
If she can't or won't adjust to her new life with you, and/or if it all becomes too much for YOU, which does happen........then look into private Assisted Living residences in your area which will give her more autonomy and a place of her own to be the 'boss' of. Not everyone is happy living under another family member's roof, I know I wouldn't be. None of our children will be burdened with us in our old age, if we get there, that's for sure!!!
Wishing you the best of luck getting to the root of the issues with Mary
A good physical would be a good thing. Labs will show any low numbers. Maybe some depression.
I put up gates to keep our small dogs from running under foot or jumping on her but she moves the gates. she had tripped with the gates so we removed them.
she gets bruises and cuts and doesn’t know how she got them.
she has trouble putting words together.
she had her hearing checked and waxed removed from her ears and they said she can hear fine but doesn’t understand the words.
she watches tv all day and gets on Facebook.
ive asked her to go for walks but she doesn’t want too.
sometimes she comes down and if I’m there she goes back to her room because we are too close. The pandemic and social distancing scare her away from me because I work in a hospital. But then she doesn’t understand why we don’t want her to eat out at restaurants with her friend. She told her friend that I was the boss of the house. It has been very hard to form any relationship with her.
"I am caring for my mother Mary, who is 82 years old, living in my home with age-related decline, anxiety, depression, hearing loss, heart disease, mobility problems, sleep disorder, and vision problems."
"I feel awkward in my own home. I barely know her. She seems confused to me. She won’t really talk to me. My husband thinks she is fine. I’m afraid she going to get hurt while we are at work. I‘ve asked him to have her evaluated by someone else."