How does the family cope? 84-year-old father-in-law befriended a 53-year-old and he is spending his life savings.

If the lady has been married three times, she has ‘form’. There will be quite a few people who can comment on her past. These games are often ‘settled’ without legal proceedings and a police record. It could be good value to give yourselves a budget to hire a private investigator to do a check on her - perhaps easier than trying to do it all yourselves. The best option might be for someone from her past to meet FIL and tell the story.

I would definitely see if she has any priors (nationally). Then I would evict him. When girlfriend eventually kicks him to the curb, FIL goes into a county home via Medicaid. So sorry for you and your DH.

Older SIL always crying poor me to MIL who lives with us.Latest scam was she needed 37000 so her husband could have surgery and insurance denied him. Busted her in front of MIL and DH when I asked her husband what was going on. Never denied, wanted him to try other treatment first. She had a fit cuz I said that we were told he was denied and she kept crying to MIL about needing 37000. I asked younger sister to intervene, she refused, not my problem, you deal. Had a talk with younger SIL husband, explained medicare/Medicaid, look back and penalty periods. Told him I asked his wife for help doing something she could handle from out of state. Let him know that if funds were taken/given that he had best be prepared to pay out 5 to 6 K a month, other SIL could pay other half, we WOULD NOT be paying anything. The one who took it and the one who refused to help stop it. Funny, took care of it asap. She was after what she could get of MIL house sale money. Also informed them that if I found money missing there would be aps and states attorney charges brought against her unless all funds returned via cashiers check within 48 hours. All cries for money have thankfully stopped. Sometimes it's the threat of being charged and going to jail that stops it. Be prepared for you wouldn't do that to your dad/mom. Only answer is watch me.

He is old enough to bring her up on elder financial abuse charges. Did dad put house in her name or his? Both? Look it up on county's recorders office website. Does husband have poas in place? See an elder attorney about putting dad's funds in a for benift of dad with his son as trustee. Dad not responsible enough to handle his funds and being scammed. If dad is owner of home send her a rent bill then eviction. May also want to consult about elder financial abuse also. If anything a threatening letter from lawyer maybe enough to make her turn tail and run especially if there is the threat of filing charges against her with the states attorney. May also want to speak to pastor so he can protect his flock, more she gets, less the church receives, just saying, it's financial for him, who else besides dad in the congregation have been taken advantage of ? Could give the church a bad reputation. God forbid if the women of the church get wind of the situation, it'll make soddom and gomorrah judgement look like childs play.

Have you done a background check on the harlot? It may be that she already has a record with the police (for 'elder defrauding' schemes). She could be a con artist with many aliases, please have a private detective check her out. Good luck.

I think you WILL wind up picking up the pieces of the mess he's made once the gold digger ditches him. We ALWAYS pick up the pieces of the messes they make, let's face it. Oh, we talk a good game......we're not gonna do this or that, yet we do, because in reality, who else WILL? God help us all.

Set up a come-to-Jesus meeting at your house between Ms. Gold Digger & Daddy right away. Let them BOTH know that since Daddy bought her a house, he has to move in with her immediately, so she can begin caring for him in their new place! His money will be running out shortly and the 6K per month she's blowing on crapola needs to be spent on HIS care now, that's just how it goes. She will proceed to dump him in short order and you can then SELL the house he bought her, recoup some of that wasted $$$$, and get the situation back under control!

That's what I'd do, if it were me, because he's thinking with his small head now & past the point of no return. Men. Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em. But you CAN get rid of their gold-diggin' girlfriends if you play your cards right!

Best of luck!!!

She's averaging $6K a month - that makes $72,000 (not that I'd call it stingy or anything) for the year, not $500,000. Was it an incredibly nice house? - how did he rack up half a million?

How much has he got left?

The thing is. One thing that does dawn on some people at a certain point is the realisation that "you can't take it with you," and that if you want to spend you've got to do it while you've got the chance. And if he's always been the reliable, responsible type, and his eyes have been opened to the fun he's been missing.... well.

He can go and have fun. But perhaps not on the understanding that he can do so at your risk.

How about making him buy some really good long term care insurance as a condition?

I might sadly point out to him that if he runs out of money and needs help, it seems probable that his girlfriend will suddenly be the one who doesn't care. But I doubt if that would stop him either.

And her? What's she got to say for herself?

When the next argument happens, let him know that you and your husband will not be supporting him financially when he runs out of money. When he runs out of money, he will be placed elsewhere and whatever his pension or Social Security will pay for it and you will not provide any hands on care for him. Or he could have his little side piece take care of him.

He feels so young again, he's got a mommy and daddy paying his living expenses, washing his dirty underwear, fixing his meals and he can spend all his money on his new hoochie. Yep, second childhood.

Time to grow up son, get out! And have that whore earn that money.

My dad lost every penny in a similar situation, one difference being that I absolutely refused to help him in any way as long as she benefited one penny.

He was mad as a wet hen, tough, because I guarantee it was nothing compared to how I felt about paying for his whore.

Dirty old men

Oh, how aggravating! The bar is so high to take guardianship of someone. It sounds like an incredibly frustrating situation. Does your FIL pay you anything for rent/care?
This makes me wonder if there is a way to put a clause in a POA stating that if I start acting out of character, even without a medical diagnosis, that my children can step in and stop me. Really, if I'm fortunate to live to an old age, the last thing I want to do is fall in love with some young Romeo and give him my life savings.
The elderly are SO vulnerable. They may still be cognitively functioning, but they are much less able to be rational and think clearly. They lose judgement.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.

This is regular happening here in Florida. I have a close friend whose father did exactly the same thing. My recommendation evict him, let her take care of him or he will have to go into AL, at least the money will be spent to take care of him. Unfortunately, from a legal standpoint, there is nothing you can do as he is mentally sound. My friends father sold his home, they took his money and moved into AL, which the funds were placed in a trust for both of them, he died 2 months later, it was a set up from the beginning, when he died, since the trust funds were in both his sweeties name and his, the balance of the money that the home held in trust was returned to her, she moved out and ran...his family ended up with nothing, she also sold all his silver collection and more. She knew what she was doing from the onset, he was 90 when he met her, died at 92, penniless. She didn't even attend the funeral which my friend and her brother paid for.

BarbBrooklyn gave my favorite response. Sorry, but I would now be doing an eviction notice. If he is well enough to do this then he is well enough to live with her or to live on his own with his money. Not sure how much is left after he spent 500,000 on her, but I would see to it he spends the rest on his own room and board somewhere else. You say he is in his right mind? Then he needs to take his right mind to live somewhere else. At that point it is honestly no business of yours WHAT he does with his money as long as he enjoys himself and doesn't expect anyone to pick up the pieces.

If he were not mentally capable, the answers would be much different.

500K?? Seriously?? Unfathomable, at least in my world. Is she scamming him? Elder abuse? Maybe consult an attorney or do some googling on the topic? I'm sure he's not the first or the last guy to be taken advantage of!

Very difficult territory. Sorry that father and son are estranged over this. Leaves you in one heck of an awkward situation. Must be a little tense around the old homestead??

I guess you could say it's his money, he can do what he wants with it which may technically be true but I think she could be totally manipulating and using him and I would imagine your hubby is not thrilled to see all your dad's money going to a stranger vs being used for himself or for his own family.

If your FIL is as mentally fit as you say, there is nothing you can do. POA doesn’t kick in, even if you have it, until the person is determined to have dementia or other cognitive issues, stupidity not being among them. Basically, it’s his money and he can do as he pleases. Since this is causing stress and discord in your family, quite frankly, I would find an apartment for him to move into. His presence in your home must exacerbate these feelings of annoyance and anger for your husband and you. Dad obviously doesn’t care.

I can guarantee that when Dad finally blows through his money, his chickie will disappear as well. If, at that point, he expects you to support him and you do, that’s insane. If your husband gives any indication that this is what will happen, I would take steps now to prevent myself from losing all MY money. Have your Social Security check, if you get one, deposited into your own account. You are entitled to half of the assets and I would see an attorney to make sure those are protected from being used to support your FIL

Your FIL cannot be reasoned with because right now, he’s thinking with his...well, you know. Hubby should not waste his time arguing with his father. This is a Life Lesson FIL needs to learn on his own. It will be difficult for your husband to just remain quiet, but this is what he needs to do. This is why I’ve suggested getting FIL out of your home. If he is in need of care, turn him over to the chickie. She’ll disappear even faster then.

He's bought this lady a house and he isn't living with her in it?

How sure are you about the numbers, exactly, and how do you know what he's spending?

What actual conversations have been had? For example: you say "his expectation is we will pick up the pieces if he doesn't have any money." H'm. Is that his real expectation, or the sort of thing that gets shouted during an argument?

At a very low point, I once heard myself sobbing to my SIL that it would help if my brother could have a conversation instead of picking a fight. When there are many, complicated emotions in the mix it can be very difficult to *talk*. Are you involved or are you staying out of it and ducking crossfire?

Why does he live with you?

I would be in favor of eviction. He clearly can support himself.