How does the family cope? 84-year-old father-in-law befriended a 53-year-old and he is spending his life savings.

Start charging him yo Dollar for living in your home, or tell him to move in with his girlfriend that he's supporting and see how long that last

I don't think the issue is whether or not he has found a new woman in his life. It is more a matter of him blowing through all his money and then expecting someone (children) to be there to pick up the pieces when the money is gone. My ex divorced me after 38 years of marriage. He blew through a million dollar inheritance from his uncle taking his "soul mate" ( 23 years younger than him, married with 2 boys) and her children on trips, going to theater, buying her and her family expensive gifts. He now has no money and wonders aloud what will happen to him when he is older (he is 78 now!). My son and granddaughter have made it clear that I will always have a home with them but they never say that about their (Grand)dad.

I'm a Late Middle-Age physician who has been too Cynical to settle down. 500K?!? I would give him a good supply of Viagra (if not contraindicated-and if he even needs it) and send him to the Mustang Ranch in Nevada! I doubt that even President Trump spends that much on casual "friends."

As a widow who has paid for a (similar age) man to accompany me on cruises when none of my children or grandchildren wanted to do so, I know how devastating living alone for the first time in your life can be. This father knows what he is doing, and if his new companion makes him happy, just let him alone. Unless you are prepared to spend as much time and effort with your father as she does.

First, unless he is found incompetent, there is nothing anyone can do. What you can tell him, but it won't do any good, is that when his money is gone, and it will be, he is on his own. HE CANNOT LIVE WITH THE FAMILY AND THE FAMILY WILL NOT SUPPORT HIM OR CARE FOR HIM - HE IS ON HIS OWN, PROBABLY THE STREET. And be strong enough when the time comes, don't do it. Walk away. What you sow is what you reap - tell him. Also ask an attorney and the professionals who are involved with aging people and ask for advice. In the meantime, you and your husband and family do what you all can do to remain close. Cases like this you cannot win with this stupid old people - but you can keep YOUR family together and protected. This idiot must be told, and also in writing, he is on his own - and make sure that happens. He'll end up in some facility without your help. Good luck.

She has been divorced 3 times? That's a big red flag right there!

All $$$ he gives/spends on crook gf will be considered gift & will penalize him if he needs Medicaid NH ...his son should really have him declared mentally incompetent & take over $$$ with POA ...have son go to elder law attorney. Also he should file police report & have woman arrested.

I agree with the other posters here who've suggested you do a background check on her. Also make sure to throw out any credit card applications that come in the mail and if he carries a lot of credit cards you should cut some up. Better to ask for forgiveness later than permission in first. No doubt the woman will have been through his wallet and she already may have gotten credit cards issued in her name. The next thing you can do is to let his bank know that you think he's at risk of being defrauded. It's important for them to know this even if you aren't able to make any changes to his accounts. This situation is no different from men and women who are getting bilked online by fake boyfriends and girlfriends (most based in Europe and West Africa) who earn the trust of lonely people and then bleed them dry. Finally here is a link to a story from the New York Times about romance scams being perpetrated by strangers who friend older people on Facebook. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/01/technology/facebook-military-romance-scam.html?action=click&module=Well&pgtype=Homepage§ion=Technology

Tell him that he will be going to a nursing home if he gets sick because you’re not taking care of him. That money could have paid for a nice assistant living home for 8 years or in home help. Someone his age is going to need care soon.

This lady is a "sweetheart scammer." Best to hire an elder estate lawyer.

"Dad, While you are Residing under our Roof, You shall have to Abide by what we say or Find another Roof." That ill end this Spend....

VictoriaD, just curious how did your Dad-in-law pay for the $400k house. Did he write a check, or did he obtain a mortgage?

Is this house in his name or hers? If hers, he really screwed the pooch.

Either way I would tell him to move into that house. He bought it, who cares what anyone thinks about "living" with her. I bet if the house is in her name she won't want him there - perhaps that might be the light needed...

Does he go there to "visit" her? When he does, box up his belongings and deposit them outside the house and change your locks. Not so subtle hint...

Getting a background check on this "chick" might be a good idea. IF she has a record or is a known elder abuser, you might be able to have charges brought - of course he could be the monkey wrench, saying he WANTS to do these things for her. It is a dicey situation.

As for the rest of the issues, unless he is declared incompetent, he is free to spend whatever he has on whatever he wants, good bad or otherwise. Hubby (with you as backup?) needs to make it clear that you do NOT approve of his behavior, this woman or with him living in your home and demand that he make other arrangements as this is not what you all agreed to. He wants to be "free", then GO be free somewhere else. You are afraid of how living with her looks? Get an apartment. We signed on to help you and care for you, not you and some bimbo.

Although you are in a filial law state, for the most part not too many enforce the laws (yet), and they usually take into account whether someone can afford to pay. If you are retired and on fixed income, they are not likely to impoverish you to pay for his care. I WOULD consult with an EC attorney, to protect yourselves and your own assets (set up trust for any liquid assets, put house into living trust), then you have nothing they (state, Medi-Cal, bimbo or FIL)can bleed from you.

Medicaid (or in your case Medi-Cal) can do the lookback - according to online, they are looking for people who give their assets away to their family, so as to avoid having to pay for care AND being able to leave family with early inheritance. In this case, she isn't family and family is not benefiting, so he may or may not qualify - during your consult with EC attorney, you could inquire about how this would be handled. Perhaps this attorney might be able to knock some sense into his head (whichever one he is currently thinking with!)

I would also ask him if it is inappropriate to live with this woman, how appropriate is it for someone to spend their life savings on someone they barely know, however "young" she makes him feel and how INAPPROPRIATE it is to blow all this on someone who is not family, but then expect family to pick up the pieces when you've spent it all and she takes off!!

I thought of this post today, after I heard a very younger man flirting with an elderly woman. Having lunch my first assumption was son/mom. That soon became clear it wasn’t the case. It was my nosiness that alerted bc he was discussing travel plans on her phone that she wasn’t wanting to pay for. He insisted and before long he took her phone from her and finalized flights. Please be careful there are wolves out there. His excitement was obvious when her told her we are traveling every month but August “my love”. Ik ik MMOB

VictoriaD. This happens so often. There is nothing you and your husband can do to stop him from blowing all his money on this bimbo. But you can distance yourself from the chaos by not enabling him. That means, HE MUST LEAVE YOUR HOME. If he and your husband are not talking to each other b/c of this situation, he has already severed the ties for a father/son relationship. If grandpa wants to feel young again, he needs to be out on his own. Right now he's got the best of both worlds. Why change?

Actually, having him move in with you in the first place sounds like a huge mistake. The man has no respect for your feelings or circumstances. Better to nip it in the bud now than later when he's disabled and you two are full time caregivers to him. You were very caring and generous to offer your home. He is the abusive party in this picture.

Your husband may want to run a credit check on FIL to make sure he didn't open any credit cards with her or cosign any loans, which leaves him on the hook when (not if) she defaults. A credit freeze would probably be a good idea too, especially if she has gotten his ss#. Wonder whose name the utilities are in at the house? Hers or his. Many questions that need answering and clearing up. Does she have a Facebook account you can view? May have some good info for you there too. Do you have any relatives or close friends in law enforcement that can run a check on her? Next option is a private detective. Much information on the internet is at your fingertips, just need to learn to dig for free.