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Have you gotten a needs assessment from their local Area Agency on Aging? News that they need help at home probably comes better from a professional social worker or from their doctor than from their "kids".
https://www.lifelonglinks.org/
"Would you want someone with no experience to...and then she listed all the things they expected out of someone caring for them. To all her questions was the answer NO. Her answer..."then you don't want me."
I firmly believe in not "asking" because the answer will be No. My daughter says you approach them like they are making the decision. Like "Mom wouldn't it be nice to have someone come and help Dad bathe, shave and get dressed. Something you don't have to worry about. And if you like, they could do the same for you. Help with a bath and get dressed."
Or like said, have an assessment done and allow the caseworker to make suggestions. Coming from someone else makes a big difference.
Mom swore there was a baby in her AL. She would walk around the building looking for it. I told her no babies here because its all seniors. She looked at the aide and said "if you tell me there are no babies, I will believe you" The aide told her there were no babies, Mom said OK and walked away.
Has the answer already been "no" before you even asked the question? Your post has a ring of bitter experience to it :(
What sort of care are you hoping to introduce?
Well, couple days later Dad said the brochure looked like a very nice place, maybe in a few years. FEW YEARS ??? My gosh, they were already in their late to mid 90's.... [rolling eyes].
When it did come time that my folks needed caregivers to help out, Dad was ready to hire, but Mom refused big time. Sadly that caused major battles between my parents. I felt bad for Dad, as he knew the house was just too much for the both of them, especially now being fall risks. Mom held her ground and won.
Like many of us had to do, wait for a serious illness/injury to get the ball rolling to senior facilities. Mom's refusal of help was literally her down fall. Major complication from the fall, Mom spent her final months in long term care. Dad hired caregivers for himself until it was time to sell the house and move to senior living.
Parents tend to be in denial of their age and health. And we are just the kids, and what do we know :P