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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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You don't. You employ Therapeutic Lying. Tell them that their spouse is on a business trip, or is visiting a relative. If you tell them that their spouse has died, it will hurt them. Then, they will forget. Then, if you keep re-telling them, all you will do is to keep hurting them over and over. Our job is to keep them safe and happy.
You don't. Just say he's at work or at the store. She will forget and keep asking and you keep repeating the same thing over and over as many times as needed.
A friend had this same issue when her MIL got dementia. At first they told her that he was in Heaven. She’d be upset or in disbelief for an hour maybe. She’d forget, ask again, and it was the same reaction. Repeat.
So family got creative. Her late husband is “at work”. Or he had to go to the store. He’s running errands. Made it sound like he was one busy man!
She’d still ask 100x a day but this spared her being upset.
My mother died four years ago and my father asks where she is all the time. He has Alzheimer’s disease and is in the later stages and I never tell him that she’s dead. I always say she’s on vacation or visiting her brother or playing bingo because those are the things she loved to do when she was alive.
I'm the wife of a Stage 7 dementia patient who lives in a care facility. He knows me and speaks to me as best he can with sign language and facial expression (he has aphasia). We have an affectionate and loving relationship even now.
I would not want him to be told if I passed away. If he seemed to miss me, he'd be better off thinking that I was not there on that day but will be there to see him soon. Or to meet him soon, or something else that would leave him with hope. He has memory issues, and I doubt if he'd retain either the memory that I'd died or that I'd be there soon. But he remembers quite a bit about people visiting and will communicate about it; for instance, another resident's family member usually puts her purse on the table, and when she put it on a chair one day, he signed several times that she should put it on the table and smiled when she eventually did. So who knows what's going on in their brains. We can't.
What I'm saying is that things are bad enough already, so don't take away their hope. That's too cruel.
It depends on how far gone with dementia they are. If the person is at the stage where telling them means it will have to be continually repeated, the kindest thing is to not tell them. Telling them can cause serious setbacks in whatever level of ability and independence they still have.
I see in the comments that you've already told your father about your mother's passing. If he forgets it, don't remind him. If he forgets it and someone tells him again he will be hearing it for the first time.
Thank you! It’s so great to have this support. After today I’ll know more about what he remembers and what he doesn’t. Good advice to not keep causing pain.
Amen! I did do that. I guess next…how do I help my dad process the news? We visited mom in the hospital. It’s so hard to know how he’s doing with the news. thank you grandma!!!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
So family got creative. Her late husband is “at work”. Or he had to go to the store. He’s running errands. Made it sound like he was one busy man!
She’d still ask 100x a day but this spared her being upset.
I would not want him to be told if I passed away. If he seemed to miss me, he'd be better off thinking that I was not there on that day but will be there to see him soon. Or to meet him soon, or something else that would leave him with hope. He has memory issues, and I doubt if he'd retain either the memory that I'd died or that I'd be there soon. But he remembers quite a bit about people visiting and will communicate about it; for instance, another resident's family member usually puts her purse on the table, and when she put it on a chair one day, he signed several times that she should put it on the table and smiled when she eventually did. So who knows what's going on in their brains. We can't.
What I'm saying is that things are bad enough already, so don't take away their hope. That's too cruel.
I see in the comments that you've already told your father about your mother's passing. If he forgets it, don't remind him. If he forgets it and someone tells him again he will be hearing it for the first time.
thank you grandma!!!